In 2010, Víkþórr and I will be going separate ways.
Our relationship was not aligned with my highest path and purpose, with my career and with my world saving plans. I'm ambitious, I want to make a huge difference. My mission is the most important thing in the world to me. This relationship was not compatible with it. Víkþórs energy is not aligned with the energy I want to create in my life.
For a couple months now I've had a bad gut feeling about the relationship. My spirit guides confirmed it. Not aligned. Yet I couldn't manage to leave. My rational mind saw no reason for that. I totally love him. The relationship worked great. Víkþórr is absolutely awesome and wonderful, cute, sexy, kind, and all other good things. He did nothing wrong at all. Why would I leave a guy who's just a perfect boyfriend?
In the end, my intuition won. I thought about the highest good of all. A relationship being detrimental to my own plans is one thing. But I realized that if I let it hold me back on my path, that is also bad for the whole system. That's intolerable.
A few days ago, we were talking about my persistent bad gut feeling about the relationship. I told him that I know it won't go away and that sooner or later, I'll have to leave him. So we decided to separate immediately instead of torturing ourselves with that knowledge.
It was really difficult. Saying goodbye hurt like hell. Now I am crying my eyes out of course. But I also feel much better. He deserves better than a girl who is with him while thinking all the time that she should not be with him! I also have more energy now. I was feeling so miserable about it lately. I knew I should leave, but didn't have the balls to leave. Being incongruent feels really bad to me. Now I have this energy back.
It was a very successful breakup, even though we both were very sad. No anger, no reproaches. No clinging, either. He said he loves me enough to let me go, which I found very beautiful. We told each other that we love each other and that we are wonderful, amazing and awesome. Our connection and trust are still there. I'm so thankful to him for the great year we had together. Going this portion of my path hand in hand with him was an honor and a delight.
Harmonious, peaceful breakups are possible. :-)
Wow. Powerful post. I feel the strength behind your words. And I see a deep part of myself in this. I feel a more powerful being in you (and one emerging in myself). Thank you for sharing. I admire how consciously you've handled this. Love is with you both.
ResponderEliminarThis post brought up issues with myself. In the abstract I know I'll always be redefining my relationships. I'll become distant from some and closer to others. But I've struggled with the notion of "breakups". What's does it mean for me? Or generally, what should a "breakup" look like? What's a good breakup?
I sometimes hold the view that I should clear cut people. I kind of stay out of contact with people by default anyway. (Not sure why). So just completely stopping contact wouldn't be a stretch.
Intuitively and logically that approach is off. I'm not in the bridge burning business. But I still don't have a model for how I could "breakup" with compassion.
I hope you are OK now my beautiful, and I'm glad you did the right thing... :) Ah I wish I'd had a harmonious break up!! :( Well the universe has this way of giving you something amazing when you've made space in your life for it... trust me here :D
ResponderEliminarAndrew
Wow! I too wish I had a harmonious breakup... Sure, lately with experience, I learnt to break in ways that were much less traumatic that when I was younger, but I can't call that harmonious yet.
ResponderEliminarInteresting model and mindset you have here, much less dramatic and painful.
Love
Eduardo