Is This Really Good Enough For You?

I'm very hard to offend, yet a few weeks ago I got totally offended. A guy said to me that he doesn't find me totally hot, but if I really wanted to, he'd have sex with me. Oh my God. I was so pissed off. I told him to go fuck himself and that I would never, ever have sex with him, and that even if not one single guy on Earth finds me sexy, I'd still not have sex with him.

Of course that was just my ego that found his comment terribly insulting. I hadn't asked for anything, to begin with! My overweight is my biggest (and actually my only) weakness. I tend to get mad as hell when a guy wants me while still finding me too fat. Oddly enough, I have no problem with a guy not finding me attractive at all.

Fortunately I talked about this fight with my spirit guides and thanks to their advice, I was able to let go of my hurt ego and make up with the guy. I dearly love him. My spirit guides are awesome.

But there's one thing that my ego was right about: I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks I'm not totally hot. It doesn't matter how wonderful and adorable and sexy he finds me if he doesn't find me totally hot. I only want to have sex with a guy who thinks I am the sexiest Goddess on Earth. Everything else is just not good enough for me! In my experience, there is such a big difference between sex with a guy who finds me totally steamy hot, and sex with a guy who really loves me and thinks I'm absolutely wonderful, but would just prefer me thinner. The latter is soooo suboptimal.

Shortly after this episode, I was chatting with another friend of mine about how next year we both don't want to spend Christmas with the family. And he said "Hey cool! If we don't have any other plans, we could spend Christmas together." Since I still was in reactivated ego-mode, some red flags immediately jumped up and down frantically in my head. I told him I would not spend next Christmas with him. I didn't like the kinda-backup-plan-way he said that. He rectified and claimed that he'd love to spend next Christmas with me, but I just told him it was too late.

Aside from the fact that it's a lot of fun to be a bitch, my decisions make sense. When a situation feels like "not good enough", we can react with our ego, feeling insulted and acting out of pride - like I did with the first guy. That's not very wise. But we can also stay detached and simply look at the facts. And then ask ourselves: is that really what I want?

Do I really want to spend Christmas with someone who's with me because he has no better plans? In all objectivity, is that what I imagine for myself in this lifetime? Can't I dream a bit a lot bigger? This friend of mine said that is not what he meant. He really wanted to spend Christmas with me, but there might be things coming in between, he said, because it's a whole year to go. To what I replied: "if you really wanted, nothing would come in between". I'm free to want a life where others really want to be with me, so much that they do whatever is required to make it happen. Lukewarm wishes to be with me, dependent on external circumstances? Sorry, not good enough for me!

Being wise doesn't mean putting up with any crap. We are powerful, wonderful, incredibly beautiful beings. We are here to create the life we dream of. Exactly the life we dream of. Is your current reality exactly what you want?

Since those two incidents, I go around and ask myself: is this good enough for me? And that, is that good enough for me? Is this relationship exactly what I want? Is this guy exactly what I want? Is this project, this goal, this choice, exactly what I truly want deep down? It feels so good to say "Sorry, not good enough for me!" - with a smile.

What is it that you truly want deep down?

Is all this around you really good enough for you?