I'm very hard to offend, yet a few weeks ago I got totally offended. A guy said to me that he doesn't find me totally hot, but if I really wanted to, he'd have sex with me. Oh my God. I was so pissed off. I told him to go fuck himself and that I would never, ever have sex with him, and that even if not one single guy on Earth finds me sexy, I'd still not have sex with him.
Of course that was just my ego that found his comment terribly insulting. I hadn't asked for anything, to begin with! My overweight is my biggest (and actually my only) weakness. I tend to get mad as hell when a guy wants me while still finding me too fat. Oddly enough, I have no problem with a guy not finding me attractive at all.
Fortunately I talked about this fight with my spirit guides and thanks to their advice, I was able to let go of my hurt ego and make up with the guy. I dearly love him. My spirit guides are awesome.
But there's one thing that my ego was right about: I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks I'm not totally hot. It doesn't matter how wonderful and adorable and sexy he finds me if he doesn't find me totally hot. I only want to have sex with a guy who thinks I am the sexiest Goddess on Earth. Everything else is just not good enough for me! In my experience, there is such a big difference between sex with a guy who finds me totally steamy hot, and sex with a guy who really loves me and thinks I'm absolutely wonderful, but would just prefer me thinner. The latter is soooo suboptimal.
Shortly after this episode, I was chatting with another friend of mine about how next year we both don't want to spend Christmas with the family. And he said "Hey cool! If we don't have any other plans, we could spend Christmas together." Since I still was in reactivated ego-mode, some red flags immediately jumped up and down frantically in my head. I told him I would not spend next Christmas with him. I didn't like the kinda-backup-plan-way he said that. He rectified and claimed that he'd love to spend next Christmas with me, but I just told him it was too late.
Aside from the fact that it's a lot of fun to be a bitch, my decisions make sense. When a situation feels like "not good enough", we can react with our ego, feeling insulted and acting out of pride - like I did with the first guy. That's not very wise. But we can also stay detached and simply look at the facts. And then ask ourselves: is that really what I want?
Do I really want to spend Christmas with someone who's with me because he has no better plans? In all objectivity, is that what I imagine for myself in this lifetime? Can't I dream a bit a lot bigger? This friend of mine said that is not what he meant. He really wanted to spend Christmas with me, but there might be things coming in between, he said, because it's a whole year to go. To what I replied: "if you really wanted, nothing would come in between". I'm free to want a life where others really want to be with me, so much that they do whatever is required to make it happen. Lukewarm wishes to be with me, dependent on external circumstances? Sorry, not good enough for me!
Being wise doesn't mean putting up with any crap. We are powerful, wonderful, incredibly beautiful beings. We are here to create the life we dream of. Exactly the life we dream of. Is your current reality exactly what you want?
Since those two incidents, I go around and ask myself: is this good enough for me? And that, is that good enough for me? Is this relationship exactly what I want? Is this guy exactly what I want? Is this project, this goal, this choice, exactly what I truly want deep down? It feels so good to say "Sorry, not good enough for me!" - with a smile.
What is it that you truly want deep down?
Is all this around you really good enough for you?
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta sex. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta sex. Mostrar todas las entradas
martes, 26 de enero de 2010
martes, 22 de diciembre de 2009
One Hot Month in the Cold - My First Norway Trip
I was right! There are polar bears everywhere on the streets in Norway! The only difference between them and normal polar bears is that they look like humans and are called "Norwegians". But the behavior is the same. :þ
I have found Norwegian people to be of the "rough with a big heart" kind. For my French standards, they're totally rude. They're gruff, unemotional, and have this hard vibe in them. It is in their manners, in their language, in their faces, everywhere. I like it. It is sexy. Lots of very beautiful people there. Behind the icy toughness wall, I have found them to be warm-hearted, genuine and friendly. Those I got to know better revealed themselves as extremely charming, lovely and very funny people. I laughed even more than usually there, and had a lot of fun!
It is a shame. I spent one month in Norway and did not see one single fjord! I stayed only in Oslo and in a town called Seljord that is in a rural area of Vest Telemark. I did not do much sightseeing. I saw mountains in Seljord, but did not climb on any. At least I went for walks in the snow, there was lots of it. But my landscape admiring was very limited. Same when I was in Oslo. I went to see a nice park and climbed on the roof of the opera, but did not have time for the viking ship museum or any other cultural stuff.
The main focus of the trip was clearly people. Of course I spent time with Víkþóri whom I hadn't seen in months, but also met some wonderful new people. Some I already closely knew online or had heard a lot about, so I was happy to meet them in person at last. Others were previously completely unknown to me. I spent most of my time focused on getting to know them better and enjoying their company. There are also people that I would have loved to meet but did not have the opportunity to. I hope to see them next time.
Going to Norway broadened my horizons and pushed me out of my comfort zone in many ways. I did things I had never done before, like juggling, wearing a strap-on during sex, giving Soul Realignment readings in person, writing Norse in runes or hugging several persons at the same time. I also did things that I am totally scared of, for example singing. A lot happened. I met very sexy men, two of which I immediately fell in love with. I was forced to dance salsa, to wrestle, to spy on the naked neighbors, and to watch two and a half Austin Powers movies, which was really hard. I got drunk from drinking half an alcohol free beer. There was an extraordinary connection while dancing with my friend Tarjei, lots and lots of cuddling, hugging and happy loving moments, a spontaneous session of collective cross-dressing, a big heartbreak, hot sex, and some challenging situations. It was awesome.
Unfortunately I didn't learn much Norwegian. But hearing it every day was such a delight! I was happy and fulfilled. I tried to pretend that I was Norwegian when shopping alone, but it never worked. I used all the right words, said "Hei" and "Ja takk" or "Nei takk" when they asked "Blablablapoosa" (which means if I want a bag) and "Hav det godt" when leaving... but they just heard the weird accent and replied in English. Damn! Tarjei said that I am also way too short to be Norwegian and that my clothes looked too foreign. No Norwegian in their right mind would wear a bonnet with holes in it, he said. Oh well.
I also discovered Swedish when I met a Swede called Michael. I had never heard Swedish before and swooned every time he was speaking it. It is way softer than Norwegian, and very sexy. When he was talking with me in Swedish, I didn't understand a word but just closed my eyes and felt happy. It felt like he was caressing me, when maybe he was talking about doing the laundry? Maybe I just find Swedish so sexy because Michael is such a beautiful and sexy man, I don't know.
This trip definitely was a deeply transformational experience. I feel that I came back as a different person. There just was not enough time. There are so many things that I didn't get to do! Now I am more than ever in love with Norway. I want to go live there as soon as possible.
Even though they don't seem to have much of an ecological consciousness! It was pretty much impossible to find any organic food outside of Oslo, and even in Oslo there wasn't much. I was also shocked when I saw the huge amounts of plastic that they use to package everything they sell, especially fruit and veggies. Every single lettuce comes in a plastic box with a plastic bag around it. And the garbage does not even get properly sorted and recycled. I don't want to know how much waste they produce every year.
And the weather? Oh yeah. Big shock when I arrived. I realized that my "winter coat" is a joke there. So are my other French clothes. Stealing a big woolen pullover from Víkþóri helped. I don't like wearing wool (it's not vegan) (and it itches and scratches) but I was just desperate.
My lungs were hurting because of the cold air. I tried to walk barefoot, that was bearable for ten or fifteen minutes but more was impossible. My feet weren't used to shoes anymore and started to bleed and hurt when I wore some. My lips suffered a lot too. I had to give up on my cold showering habit. As I have discovered, cold water is not equally cold everywhere! The one in Norway is evil. I even went back to sleeping on beds, mattresses and couches instead of on the floor because I was freezing my ass off at night.
After a while of bitching around about the weather, I surrendered. Fortunately, I had taken my big hiking shoes with me. I bought a few pairs of really warm socks to go with them, wore pants and a long skirt one above the other and adopted the stolen pullover as my daily companion. Wearing hiking shoes together with a gothic skirt definitely offends my sense of style, but I didn't care.
In the end I got used to the cold. I even loved it! Cold, gray, wet weather has always been my absolute favorite anyway. I very much enjoyed taking walks in the snow. I love snow, skies of steel and this biting cold when the temperatures go down to -10 or -15°c. The last week, I was disappointed when it was only -8°c. I even loved the four little hours of real daylight and the fact that it's completely dark at 3:30pm. It's cozy. This way the evening lasts for many hours. I like evenings.
Now the plan is to focus on completing my Soul Realignment course, then start my business as a practitioner, and as soon as I can afford it, emigrate!
I have found Norwegian people to be of the "rough with a big heart" kind. For my French standards, they're totally rude. They're gruff, unemotional, and have this hard vibe in them. It is in their manners, in their language, in their faces, everywhere. I like it. It is sexy. Lots of very beautiful people there. Behind the icy toughness wall, I have found them to be warm-hearted, genuine and friendly. Those I got to know better revealed themselves as extremely charming, lovely and very funny people. I laughed even more than usually there, and had a lot of fun!
It is a shame. I spent one month in Norway and did not see one single fjord! I stayed only in Oslo and in a town called Seljord that is in a rural area of Vest Telemark. I did not do much sightseeing. I saw mountains in Seljord, but did not climb on any. At least I went for walks in the snow, there was lots of it. But my landscape admiring was very limited. Same when I was in Oslo. I went to see a nice park and climbed on the roof of the opera, but did not have time for the viking ship museum or any other cultural stuff.
The main focus of the trip was clearly people. Of course I spent time with Víkþóri whom I hadn't seen in months, but also met some wonderful new people. Some I already closely knew online or had heard a lot about, so I was happy to meet them in person at last. Others were previously completely unknown to me. I spent most of my time focused on getting to know them better and enjoying their company. There are also people that I would have loved to meet but did not have the opportunity to. I hope to see them next time.
Going to Norway broadened my horizons and pushed me out of my comfort zone in many ways. I did things I had never done before, like juggling, wearing a strap-on during sex, giving Soul Realignment readings in person, writing Norse in runes or hugging several persons at the same time. I also did things that I am totally scared of, for example singing. A lot happened. I met very sexy men, two of which I immediately fell in love with. I was forced to dance salsa, to wrestle, to spy on the naked neighbors, and to watch two and a half Austin Powers movies, which was really hard. I got drunk from drinking half an alcohol free beer. There was an extraordinary connection while dancing with my friend Tarjei, lots and lots of cuddling, hugging and happy loving moments, a spontaneous session of collective cross-dressing, a big heartbreak, hot sex, and some challenging situations. It was awesome.
Unfortunately I didn't learn much Norwegian. But hearing it every day was such a delight! I was happy and fulfilled. I tried to pretend that I was Norwegian when shopping alone, but it never worked. I used all the right words, said "Hei" and "Ja takk" or "Nei takk" when they asked "Blablablapoosa" (which means if I want a bag) and "Hav det godt" when leaving... but they just heard the weird accent and replied in English. Damn! Tarjei said that I am also way too short to be Norwegian and that my clothes looked too foreign. No Norwegian in their right mind would wear a bonnet with holes in it, he said. Oh well.
I also discovered Swedish when I met a Swede called Michael. I had never heard Swedish before and swooned every time he was speaking it. It is way softer than Norwegian, and very sexy. When he was talking with me in Swedish, I didn't understand a word but just closed my eyes and felt happy. It felt like he was caressing me, when maybe he was talking about doing the laundry? Maybe I just find Swedish so sexy because Michael is such a beautiful and sexy man, I don't know.
This trip definitely was a deeply transformational experience. I feel that I came back as a different person. There just was not enough time. There are so many things that I didn't get to do! Now I am more than ever in love with Norway. I want to go live there as soon as possible.
Even though they don't seem to have much of an ecological consciousness! It was pretty much impossible to find any organic food outside of Oslo, and even in Oslo there wasn't much. I was also shocked when I saw the huge amounts of plastic that they use to package everything they sell, especially fruit and veggies. Every single lettuce comes in a plastic box with a plastic bag around it. And the garbage does not even get properly sorted and recycled. I don't want to know how much waste they produce every year.
And the weather? Oh yeah. Big shock when I arrived. I realized that my "winter coat" is a joke there. So are my other French clothes. Stealing a big woolen pullover from Víkþóri helped. I don't like wearing wool (it's not vegan) (and it itches and scratches) but I was just desperate.
My lungs were hurting because of the cold air. I tried to walk barefoot, that was bearable for ten or fifteen minutes but more was impossible. My feet weren't used to shoes anymore and started to bleed and hurt when I wore some. My lips suffered a lot too. I had to give up on my cold showering habit. As I have discovered, cold water is not equally cold everywhere! The one in Norway is evil. I even went back to sleeping on beds, mattresses and couches instead of on the floor because I was freezing my ass off at night.
After a while of bitching around about the weather, I surrendered. Fortunately, I had taken my big hiking shoes with me. I bought a few pairs of really warm socks to go with them, wore pants and a long skirt one above the other and adopted the stolen pullover as my daily companion. Wearing hiking shoes together with a gothic skirt definitely offends my sense of style, but I didn't care.
In the end I got used to the cold. I even loved it! Cold, gray, wet weather has always been my absolute favorite anyway. I very much enjoyed taking walks in the snow. I love snow, skies of steel and this biting cold when the temperatures go down to -10 or -15°c. The last week, I was disappointed when it was only -8°c. I even loved the four little hours of real daylight and the fact that it's completely dark at 3:30pm. It's cozy. This way the evening lasts for many hours. I like evenings.
Now the plan is to focus on completing my Soul Realignment course, then start my business as a practitioner, and as soon as I can afford it, emigrate!
martes, 10 de marzo de 2009
Language Fetishism
I love learning foreign languages! It's so much fun. My favorite way of procrastinating. Especially when I discover a new language that I like. I can get so hooked on it that I forget about everything else and spend hours and days doing nothing but listening to it, reading it, and trying to figure out how it works. I also love teaching the languages I already speak. And most of all I love talking about grammar, phonetics or etymology.
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
viernes, 31 de octubre de 2008
Meeting an Exhibitionist
Something awesome happened tonight!
I've been going through a big crisis these last few weeks. First, my son died. That's a cat. I found him on the street when he was a little baby and brought him up. As some of you may know, I love animals as much as humans, and I was devastated by his death. He's the first loved one I lost, I'm still deeply grieving. Then, I got dumped. Or at least I suppose so, because the guy I thought was the absolute man of my life suddenly just disappeared without any explanation. I don't even know if he's still alive. I guess he is and simply lacked the courage to tell me the truth. Nevertheless, I've been worried, angry, and of course terribly sad. After that, a second cat family member died! I had known her for 24 years, which is almost my entire life. And last but not least, reading Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina made me realize that most of the goals I had till now were in fact disempowering goals. I'll write a review of the book later, let's just say for now that I suddenly lost what was keeping me going despite of the grief and pain I was feeling.
Needless to say, my mood hasn't been exactly excellent lately!
Tonight I was feeling particularly grumpy and awful. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a walk, and to withdraw some money at the nearest ATM to buy a big bunch of bananas tomorrow morning for breakfast. On my way to the bank, I saw a guy on the street with his penis in his hand. He said "Oh, sorry!" and hid it. He then asked if he could drive me home as a way of apologizing for his indiscretion. I wasn't really present, for I was busy imagining the horrible things I would do to the alleged man of my life if I had him in front of me now, so I did not really pay attention to this guy. I said "No, thanks" and walked away.
On my way back from the bank, he still was at the same place, this time with his pants completely off! He immediately got dressed and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd come back. I'm going to some other place now, to make sure you won't see me again." I found it odd to meet an exhibitionist who's sorry I saw him! So I laughed and told him "Oh, you can stay where you were, I won't come back, I promise!" "ok, one last time then" he said, and demonstratively showed me his (quite impressive) manly attributes. I couldn't help but grin, but deep down I was still feeling grumpy and wanted nothing but go home. When he added "You have very big boobs" I asked him in a not-so-nice way to leave me alone.
But then I suddenly felt bad. I didn't feel guilty for rejecting him, but it suddenly dawned on me how disconnected I had been feeling lately. I was just seeing this guy as an annoyance, something foreign to me intruding in my life without being planned. I was upset at him for disturbing my thoughts and talking to me, and I judged him for behaving strangely in my eyes, for being so different. Separated from me. Someone else. And a weird one for that matter! Bleh.
I realized how disconnected I was! And said to myself "Hey girl, no pain in the World is worth disconnecting from others in such a way." So I turned to him, ready to see him as a valuable human being, a part of me, a spirit. Some people are fond of talking to spirits, but we shouldn't forget that every person we meet on the street is a spirit, too. There are spirits everywhere! I find incarnated spirits very interesting too, not only those without a body. Sometimes I walk down the street, amazed at all those spirits I meet. "Oh wow, he's a spirit! A spirit just said hello to me! Damn cool. And she's one as well. Incredible!" There's so much BEAUTY in people when you can see the spirit in them.
Fortunately I was able to remember in time that this guy is a manifestation of Consciousness just like me. He's me. I am him. I forgot about my judgmental mood and became present to this person here and now. And it was a great idea, I learned a lot.
First I asked him many questions about being an exhibitionist. I was curious about it of course. I asked him how long he had been doing it, how it began, why he does it, how he feels when he does such things... It was very interesting to hear his take on this. As I understood it, the idea that he could possibly be seen gives him a particular kick, he supposes it's adrenaline. I asked him a lot of questions, trying to understand him, and he answered them all very honestly. I was able to get what he explained on an intellectual level, but I admit that I cannot really understand why he likes it so much, probably because the idea of showing myself naked on the street just doesn't do much for me. I guess I'd need to do it myself once to know how it is.
I discovered a very kind and respectful person. He intentionally kept a lot of physical distance between us in order not to make me feel uncomfortable. I found his attitude towards his exhibitionism to be conscious, thoughtful and responsible. For example, he explained to me that he normally never shows up naked in front of women walking alone on the street, because this could scare them. He only does it with people in cars or in groups, because those feel safe. That's why he apologized so much when I saw him: it was an accident. He couldn't know I'm not scared by such things.
We spent three or four hours together, walking through the city, laughing and talking about all kinds of topics, such as pets, parachute jumping, personal development, the raw food diet, motorbikes, or the best way to commit suicide. During all this time, he had his genitals out of his pants, but I barely noticed because it was so natural for him. Around five in the morning I got really tired. He walked me home and we said goodbye. That's the only moment he came across a little shy. We thanked each other and said both that we had a very nice time.
It's only once I was back home that I realized how much this guy helped me tonight. Now I'm feeling loving and connected again. I'm able to see others as parts of me again. I feel closely connected to all other beings on earth, and I can see how the way I feel influences all others. I also have this fuzzy warm feeling in my chest, as if my heart was very big. I can feel Love flowing through me. I feel that I am enormous, big enough to contain the whole Universe. I am everything that is. This is such a beautiful feeling! I'm so infinitely thankful to this guy for giving me this feeling back. I had lost it lately, without even noticing.
Now I regret that I forgot to part with a handshake and to ask what his name is when we said goodbye. I hope I'll see him again on some other late night walk.
My point with this story is that when you're in a state of disconnectedness, meeting an exhibitionist on the street - or more generally someone whose behavior you don't intuitively understand - can be a quite annoying experience. And if you're more prone to get scared than I am, even a frightening one. Which leads to even greater disconnectedness, because you'll feel offended or grossed out, and you'll close off. But when you're being aligned with Oneness, such an encounter can result in discovering an interesting person, in gaining some new insights, or in experiencing connection and closeness with someone you thought was very different from you at first. Building such a bridge is a wonderful blessing :-)
I've been going through a big crisis these last few weeks. First, my son died. That's a cat. I found him on the street when he was a little baby and brought him up. As some of you may know, I love animals as much as humans, and I was devastated by his death. He's the first loved one I lost, I'm still deeply grieving. Then, I got dumped. Or at least I suppose so, because the guy I thought was the absolute man of my life suddenly just disappeared without any explanation. I don't even know if he's still alive. I guess he is and simply lacked the courage to tell me the truth. Nevertheless, I've been worried, angry, and of course terribly sad. After that, a second cat family member died! I had known her for 24 years, which is almost my entire life. And last but not least, reading Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina made me realize that most of the goals I had till now were in fact disempowering goals. I'll write a review of the book later, let's just say for now that I suddenly lost what was keeping me going despite of the grief and pain I was feeling.
Needless to say, my mood hasn't been exactly excellent lately!
Tonight I was feeling particularly grumpy and awful. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a walk, and to withdraw some money at the nearest ATM to buy a big bunch of bananas tomorrow morning for breakfast. On my way to the bank, I saw a guy on the street with his penis in his hand. He said "Oh, sorry!" and hid it. He then asked if he could drive me home as a way of apologizing for his indiscretion. I wasn't really present, for I was busy imagining the horrible things I would do to the alleged man of my life if I had him in front of me now, so I did not really pay attention to this guy. I said "No, thanks" and walked away.
On my way back from the bank, he still was at the same place, this time with his pants completely off! He immediately got dressed and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd come back. I'm going to some other place now, to make sure you won't see me again." I found it odd to meet an exhibitionist who's sorry I saw him! So I laughed and told him "Oh, you can stay where you were, I won't come back, I promise!" "ok, one last time then" he said, and demonstratively showed me his (quite impressive) manly attributes. I couldn't help but grin, but deep down I was still feeling grumpy and wanted nothing but go home. When he added "You have very big boobs" I asked him in a not-so-nice way to leave me alone.
But then I suddenly felt bad. I didn't feel guilty for rejecting him, but it suddenly dawned on me how disconnected I had been feeling lately. I was just seeing this guy as an annoyance, something foreign to me intruding in my life without being planned. I was upset at him for disturbing my thoughts and talking to me, and I judged him for behaving strangely in my eyes, for being so different. Separated from me. Someone else. And a weird one for that matter! Bleh.
I realized how disconnected I was! And said to myself "Hey girl, no pain in the World is worth disconnecting from others in such a way." So I turned to him, ready to see him as a valuable human being, a part of me, a spirit. Some people are fond of talking to spirits, but we shouldn't forget that every person we meet on the street is a spirit, too. There are spirits everywhere! I find incarnated spirits very interesting too, not only those without a body. Sometimes I walk down the street, amazed at all those spirits I meet. "Oh wow, he's a spirit! A spirit just said hello to me! Damn cool. And she's one as well. Incredible!" There's so much BEAUTY in people when you can see the spirit in them.
Fortunately I was able to remember in time that this guy is a manifestation of Consciousness just like me. He's me. I am him. I forgot about my judgmental mood and became present to this person here and now. And it was a great idea, I learned a lot.
First I asked him many questions about being an exhibitionist. I was curious about it of course. I asked him how long he had been doing it, how it began, why he does it, how he feels when he does such things... It was very interesting to hear his take on this. As I understood it, the idea that he could possibly be seen gives him a particular kick, he supposes it's adrenaline. I asked him a lot of questions, trying to understand him, and he answered them all very honestly. I was able to get what he explained on an intellectual level, but I admit that I cannot really understand why he likes it so much, probably because the idea of showing myself naked on the street just doesn't do much for me. I guess I'd need to do it myself once to know how it is.
I discovered a very kind and respectful person. He intentionally kept a lot of physical distance between us in order not to make me feel uncomfortable. I found his attitude towards his exhibitionism to be conscious, thoughtful and responsible. For example, he explained to me that he normally never shows up naked in front of women walking alone on the street, because this could scare them. He only does it with people in cars or in groups, because those feel safe. That's why he apologized so much when I saw him: it was an accident. He couldn't know I'm not scared by such things.
We spent three or four hours together, walking through the city, laughing and talking about all kinds of topics, such as pets, parachute jumping, personal development, the raw food diet, motorbikes, or the best way to commit suicide. During all this time, he had his genitals out of his pants, but I barely noticed because it was so natural for him. Around five in the morning I got really tired. He walked me home and we said goodbye. That's the only moment he came across a little shy. We thanked each other and said both that we had a very nice time.
It's only once I was back home that I realized how much this guy helped me tonight. Now I'm feeling loving and connected again. I'm able to see others as parts of me again. I feel closely connected to all other beings on earth, and I can see how the way I feel influences all others. I also have this fuzzy warm feeling in my chest, as if my heart was very big. I can feel Love flowing through me. I feel that I am enormous, big enough to contain the whole Universe. I am everything that is. This is such a beautiful feeling! I'm so infinitely thankful to this guy for giving me this feeling back. I had lost it lately, without even noticing.
Now I regret that I forgot to part with a handshake and to ask what his name is when we said goodbye. I hope I'll see him again on some other late night walk.
My point with this story is that when you're in a state of disconnectedness, meeting an exhibitionist on the street - or more generally someone whose behavior you don't intuitively understand - can be a quite annoying experience. And if you're more prone to get scared than I am, even a frightening one. Which leads to even greater disconnectedness, because you'll feel offended or grossed out, and you'll close off. But when you're being aligned with Oneness, such an encounter can result in discovering an interesting person, in gaining some new insights, or in experiencing connection and closeness with someone you thought was very different from you at first. Building such a bridge is a wonderful blessing :-)
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