There will always be people who don't like you - so instead of trying to please those around you, you better be boldly yourself and attract more suitable people into your life.
When I had my hair completely shaved off for over a year, some men found that extremely sexy. For others it was a huge turn-off. Some people told me with admiration that my shaved head looked great, and others frowned and said it was damn ugly. Some thought I was really cool for shaving my head as a woman, others found it unfeminine, inappropriate, a pity, a shame.
No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you behave, no matter what you look like, there will always be people who like you, and people who dislike you. There will always be people who approve of you, and people who disapprove of you.
It is impossible to please everybody. Impossible to ever get it right. No matter how much you try, you will always have it wrong anyway. Somewhere, someone will not like what you are.
The good news is that somewhere, someone always will also love what you are.
We can try to fit in, guess what the people around us want, and please them. We can also invest our energy into attracting people who love what we are, and let go of the others. Sounds like a much smarter move to me.
Being Ourselves is Smarter
When we bend ourselves to suit others, they feel that incongruency in us. Something about us does not feel quite right, even if they don't know what. That is not attractive. You won't be very successful that way, and the people you'll attract will be people who are not fully aligned with integrity and authenticity themselves. Like attracts like. Do you want to be in relationships with such people?
Doing things that are not who we truly are at our core costs a lot of energy. It is tiring, it makes us unhappy. We don't feel as fulfilled as we do when we allow ourselves to freely express our soul.
Bold self-expression, happiness and personal fulfillment are keys to attracting loving people into our life. People love people who are happy and fulfilled. It makes them happy as well. Such an energy is contagious. But you can't be really happy when you betray yourself.
Most of all, people love people who are uncompromisingly themselves. I guess it comes across as self-confident, courageous, independent and original, all of which is attractive. But I bet it is more than that. We just feel it when someone is being in touch with their true self. Such individuals shine a light that cannot be replaced by anything else.
Not to mention that our quirks and flaws often are some of the most charming facets of our character! The world would be poorer for our not sharing them.
How can you boldly express yourself today? :-)
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta Authenticity amp; Personality. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta Authenticity amp; Personality. Mostrar todas las entradas
miércoles, 21 de abril de 2010
martes, 13 de abril de 2010
How to be Competitive as a Scanner
Question: "In a competitive economy, how can a scanner do a project that can hold its own against one made by a focused individual?"
My Take on This:
As a scanner, we can be competitive by being uncompromisingly authentic.
Be Yourself
Our economy is not truly competitive. At an energetic level, we resonate with certain products or service providers, and not with others. We might compare offerings and prices, but in the end we buy things we resonate with from people we resonate with.
By being totally yourself, you will attract people who resonate with you, and they will love you. Then it does not matter how many other people do things that are seemingly similar to what you do.
If you manage to be who you are at your very core, to really own your gifts and express them in the work you do, you will create such a unique product or service that it cannot be compared anymore. It will be outstanding, because you are outstanding.
Be a Scanner
If you are a scanner, be a scanner. Be authentic in that too!
The best way for a scanner to be productive is to respect their scanner nature and to adapt their time-management and project-management strategies to it. If they try to work like specialists, they will procrastinate, suffer and get poor results. But if they embrace their scanner nature and are true to themselves in that respect, they are just as competent as other people.
How exactly to adapt your project-management to your personality will depend on which kind of scanner you are and which kind of project you have in mind.
Cyclical scanners in particular tend to be slower at completing their projects because of working on many things at the same time. Often this does not matter, though. I'm writing an Introduction to Linux Shell Commands for beginners. I do plenty of other things as well, so of course I am slower than a computer scientist who does nothing else all day. So what? When some day I'll publish it, it can be just as good as what such a computer scientist who does nothing else all day could write. It won't matter how long it took me to write it. And since I am putting my very own loving personality into it, instead of writing it in dry man page style, it will be a truly unique product.
Now if you are working on a project that is time-sensitive, where you need to focus on the same thing for many hours every day, and where your personality matters zero.... are you sure you are doing the right job? As a scanner, you must suffer like hell. Why do you stay there? Being ourselves also means picking a career that fits our personality, not bending ourselves to fit our job. That would be kinda backwards. After all, our job is here to serve us, not the other way around.
Use your Strengths
Being a scanner does not only mean adapting what you do and when you do it to your personality. It also means that your way of thinking is different. Even when working on the same problem as a non-scanner, you will think in a less linear way. Scanners are great at drawing parallels, at connecting the dots, or at integrating knowledge from other life areas or fields of activity. I highly recommend you to actively use these strengths.
Instead of discarding "inappropriate" ideas and trying to focus on one field or one process, welcome seemingly unrelated, intuitive input, and act on it. Often, unrelated stuff ends up not being that unrelated after all. Ask yourself how you could integrate this into your project, how this could serve or inspire you. Connect the dots. This can lead to very interesting results! Your original solutions could be exactly what makes you highly competitive.
Authenticity is Key
To be competitive as scanners, we need to be absolutely authentic. We need to get in touch with ourselves, express our gifts in the most honest way and put our personality into our work. This way we create unique products and services and attract people who resonate with us. We need to adapt our way of working to our scanner nature in order to be productive and have fun. And instead of trying to be what we are not, we need to play on our strengths, especially our non-linear, creative, eclectic way of thinking.
If you want to know more about yourself and learn about the soul-level gifts and strengths that you are bringing into your human experience, or if you feel that there are facets of you that you haven't been able to fully express until now, you can book a reading with me. I'd love to work with you.
My Take on This:
As a scanner, we can be competitive by being uncompromisingly authentic.
Be Yourself
Our economy is not truly competitive. At an energetic level, we resonate with certain products or service providers, and not with others. We might compare offerings and prices, but in the end we buy things we resonate with from people we resonate with.
By being totally yourself, you will attract people who resonate with you, and they will love you. Then it does not matter how many other people do things that are seemingly similar to what you do.
If you manage to be who you are at your very core, to really own your gifts and express them in the work you do, you will create such a unique product or service that it cannot be compared anymore. It will be outstanding, because you are outstanding.
Be a Scanner
If you are a scanner, be a scanner. Be authentic in that too!
The best way for a scanner to be productive is to respect their scanner nature and to adapt their time-management and project-management strategies to it. If they try to work like specialists, they will procrastinate, suffer and get poor results. But if they embrace their scanner nature and are true to themselves in that respect, they are just as competent as other people.
How exactly to adapt your project-management to your personality will depend on which kind of scanner you are and which kind of project you have in mind.
Cyclical scanners in particular tend to be slower at completing their projects because of working on many things at the same time. Often this does not matter, though. I'm writing an Introduction to Linux Shell Commands for beginners. I do plenty of other things as well, so of course I am slower than a computer scientist who does nothing else all day. So what? When some day I'll publish it, it can be just as good as what such a computer scientist who does nothing else all day could write. It won't matter how long it took me to write it. And since I am putting my very own loving personality into it, instead of writing it in dry man page style, it will be a truly unique product.
Now if you are working on a project that is time-sensitive, where you need to focus on the same thing for many hours every day, and where your personality matters zero.... are you sure you are doing the right job? As a scanner, you must suffer like hell. Why do you stay there? Being ourselves also means picking a career that fits our personality, not bending ourselves to fit our job. That would be kinda backwards. After all, our job is here to serve us, not the other way around.
Use your Strengths
Being a scanner does not only mean adapting what you do and when you do it to your personality. It also means that your way of thinking is different. Even when working on the same problem as a non-scanner, you will think in a less linear way. Scanners are great at drawing parallels, at connecting the dots, or at integrating knowledge from other life areas or fields of activity. I highly recommend you to actively use these strengths.
Instead of discarding "inappropriate" ideas and trying to focus on one field or one process, welcome seemingly unrelated, intuitive input, and act on it. Often, unrelated stuff ends up not being that unrelated after all. Ask yourself how you could integrate this into your project, how this could serve or inspire you. Connect the dots. This can lead to very interesting results! Your original solutions could be exactly what makes you highly competitive.
Authenticity is Key
To be competitive as scanners, we need to be absolutely authentic. We need to get in touch with ourselves, express our gifts in the most honest way and put our personality into our work. This way we create unique products and services and attract people who resonate with us. We need to adapt our way of working to our scanner nature in order to be productive and have fun. And instead of trying to be what we are not, we need to play on our strengths, especially our non-linear, creative, eclectic way of thinking.
If you want to know more about yourself and learn about the soul-level gifts and strengths that you are bringing into your human experience, or if you feel that there are facets of you that you haven't been able to fully express until now, you can book a reading with me. I'd love to work with you.
martes, 30 de marzo de 2010
Remember that you are a Scanner!
This post is for scanners, of course. If you're not a scanner, you don't need to remember that you are one (nor to read this). But if you are a scanner, don't you ever forget that you are one.
Especially in conventional personal development, we are told over and over again that we should focus on only one or at most two projects or goals at a time. This way of thinking has infected us so much that we keep trying to do that, even though it is totally not helpful to us.
Scanners are just wired differently. We need to juggle. That is what makes us productive. Scanners often procrastinate and are ineffective, that is true. But the point is: scanners don't procrastinate because they work on several projects at the same time. Scanners procrastinate because they try to focus on one project at a time and don't allow themselves to juggle as it would be natural to them.
We struggle when we try to fit into conventional models that are not made for us. This is just not who we are. Trying to be something that we are not creates separation. And struggle.
Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed by all the goals and ideas I am pursuing simultaneously. I feel scattered, unfocused, I don't know what to begin with, what to do next, what to focus on... And that is exactly the mistake! This wanting to "figure it out" and focus on one thing.
What creates my stress in such a situation is not that I have many things to work on. It's that I am trying to behave in ways that don't match what I really am at my very core. Then I die inside. I suffer, I suffocate, and my productivity drops. When on the contrary I remember that I am a scanner, when I allow myself to juggle playfully with everything I am doing, now that unleashes the power within!
In a way I think all this has a lot to do with control. Our logical mind always tries to be in control, to make plans, to set priorities, to decide, and to know where we are going. That is fear. Letting go of control and just spontaneously following our intuition, which is what we do when we juggle around, is scary.
It is perfectly fine not to know what to begin with and what to do next! Inspired action flows out of us freely when we allow ourselves to be in a state of uncertainty. Yes, sometimes this means suddenly interrupting what we are doing, and going for something else. So what?
Today, I was ordering some books on Amazon for my mother. After adding two of the three books she wants to my cart, I suddenly got bored and went to reply to two emails. Some people can sit down and reply to twenty emails in one session - I cannot. I replied to two emails, then I felt inspired to working on this book about business and marketing, one of several books that I am studying at the moment. I took the book to the kitchen, sat down at my kitchen table and did some reading and written exercises. Why the kitchen table and not my desk? Dunno. I just felt like being in the kitchen for a change. After a couple pages of the book, I had enough, jumped up and started writing this blog post. After 362 words I got bored, went back to Amazon and finished ordering the stuff for my mother. Then I went through my French books, sorting out those I don't want anymore. I am decluttering at the moment, and getting rid of most of my books. And now I am back here writing.
Maybe a psychologist would diagnose me with ADD or ADHD or whatever. Who cares? As long as I get my stuff done and have fun getting it done.
Juggling is not multitasking. If I were preparing a reading for a client while listening to music, thinking about my new eBook, and checking for new emails every two minutes, that would be multitasking. That's not what I do. I am fully focused on what I do when I do it. I just switch activities quicker than other people. But if in the end I get everything done, where's the problem?
They keep repeating that it is more effective to focus on one thing until it's done. Maybe for specialists. Not for scanners. Our brains just aren't very linear. I usually get my best ideas about something after a while of doing something else. I am quick at switching my focus and remembering everything I had done previously. I'm good at drawing parallels. What I learn in one area helps me in other areas. I can apply literature to computer programming and mathematics to relationships. That makes me effective. Maybe not in logically obvious ways, but effective nonetheless, in interesting ways.
Just because someone writes in a book that we should work on our most important task for four hours straight first thing in the morning, or focus on only one goal at a time, doesn't make them right. In my experience, this only leads to stress, boredom, frustration, and ultimately procrastination. It makes me feel stuck and awfully off-track.
Accepting ourselves as scanners isn't easy. We don't really have role models, we often struggle to get things done. We might feel lost, or think something is wrong with us. But being a scanner is a strength, provided we see it this way and act accordingly.
We need to embrace our scanner nature and honor it. Everything else brings us farther away from ourselves. Being ourselves, that's also accepting and remembering what we are, and building on that.
Especially in conventional personal development, we are told over and over again that we should focus on only one or at most two projects or goals at a time. This way of thinking has infected us so much that we keep trying to do that, even though it is totally not helpful to us.
Scanners are just wired differently. We need to juggle. That is what makes us productive. Scanners often procrastinate and are ineffective, that is true. But the point is: scanners don't procrastinate because they work on several projects at the same time. Scanners procrastinate because they try to focus on one project at a time and don't allow themselves to juggle as it would be natural to them.
We struggle when we try to fit into conventional models that are not made for us. This is just not who we are. Trying to be something that we are not creates separation. And struggle.
Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed by all the goals and ideas I am pursuing simultaneously. I feel scattered, unfocused, I don't know what to begin with, what to do next, what to focus on... And that is exactly the mistake! This wanting to "figure it out" and focus on one thing.
What creates my stress in such a situation is not that I have many things to work on. It's that I am trying to behave in ways that don't match what I really am at my very core. Then I die inside. I suffer, I suffocate, and my productivity drops. When on the contrary I remember that I am a scanner, when I allow myself to juggle playfully with everything I am doing, now that unleashes the power within!
In a way I think all this has a lot to do with control. Our logical mind always tries to be in control, to make plans, to set priorities, to decide, and to know where we are going. That is fear. Letting go of control and just spontaneously following our intuition, which is what we do when we juggle around, is scary.
It is perfectly fine not to know what to begin with and what to do next! Inspired action flows out of us freely when we allow ourselves to be in a state of uncertainty. Yes, sometimes this means suddenly interrupting what we are doing, and going for something else. So what?
Today, I was ordering some books on Amazon for my mother. After adding two of the three books she wants to my cart, I suddenly got bored and went to reply to two emails. Some people can sit down and reply to twenty emails in one session - I cannot. I replied to two emails, then I felt inspired to working on this book about business and marketing, one of several books that I am studying at the moment. I took the book to the kitchen, sat down at my kitchen table and did some reading and written exercises. Why the kitchen table and not my desk? Dunno. I just felt like being in the kitchen for a change. After a couple pages of the book, I had enough, jumped up and started writing this blog post. After 362 words I got bored, went back to Amazon and finished ordering the stuff for my mother. Then I went through my French books, sorting out those I don't want anymore. I am decluttering at the moment, and getting rid of most of my books. And now I am back here writing.
Maybe a psychologist would diagnose me with ADD or ADHD or whatever. Who cares? As long as I get my stuff done and have fun getting it done.
Juggling is not multitasking. If I were preparing a reading for a client while listening to music, thinking about my new eBook, and checking for new emails every two minutes, that would be multitasking. That's not what I do. I am fully focused on what I do when I do it. I just switch activities quicker than other people. But if in the end I get everything done, where's the problem?
They keep repeating that it is more effective to focus on one thing until it's done. Maybe for specialists. Not for scanners. Our brains just aren't very linear. I usually get my best ideas about something after a while of doing something else. I am quick at switching my focus and remembering everything I had done previously. I'm good at drawing parallels. What I learn in one area helps me in other areas. I can apply literature to computer programming and mathematics to relationships. That makes me effective. Maybe not in logically obvious ways, but effective nonetheless, in interesting ways.
Just because someone writes in a book that we should work on our most important task for four hours straight first thing in the morning, or focus on only one goal at a time, doesn't make them right. In my experience, this only leads to stress, boredom, frustration, and ultimately procrastination. It makes me feel stuck and awfully off-track.
Accepting ourselves as scanners isn't easy. We don't really have role models, we often struggle to get things done. We might feel lost, or think something is wrong with us. But being a scanner is a strength, provided we see it this way and act accordingly.
We need to embrace our scanner nature and honor it. Everything else brings us farther away from ourselves. Being ourselves, that's also accepting and remembering what we are, and building on that.
martes, 2 de marzo de 2010
Are you Building Yourself or Sculpting Yourself?
I'm fond of personal development. But there is one thing about personal development that irks me a bit. It's this habit of "building". Building courage. Building self-discipline. Building self-confidence. Building personality. Building skills. Building, building, building.
I did adhere to this kind of mindset in the past too. I used to try and "build". The more I grow though, the more I think this approach is disempowering.
Building implies that you don't have it yet. It's not fully there, you need to build some more of it first. So basically, building means believing you're not whole, perfect and complete yet. To me this feels like lack and conditionality.
I prefer to believe that we are already whole, perfect and complete. All energies are at all times available to all of us. When we choose to expand in a new direction, we simply reveal this aspect of us - which was already present.
Everything you could ever wish to be, you already are! You just don't notice because of the negative stuff covering it: for example, your fears, and your limiting beliefs. Some old pain. Attachment. Emotional blocks. Maybe some negative stuff going on at soul level.
Maybe you also choose not to see what you already are. After all, seeing it would mean going a scary, uncomfortable path. It's more convenient to buy into the belief that you "don't have it" yet and first need to "build".
Wasn't it Michelangelo who said about his David that he already lived in the stone, and that he just freed him by taking everything away that wasn't him? It's the same with you. The you that you would like to be already lives inside the big, rough stone that is your current you. There is nothing here to build on top of that. You just need to free yourself. Chop all the stone off that is not truly you. Reveal the diamond.
You already have all the courage, confidence and all the other good qualities that you wish for. It's all there in the stone, just covered by a layer of something that is not truly you. You already have a wonderful personality. When you release fear and negativity, it will shine through bright and clear.
You even already have the skills. They're not apparent yet. But they're present in the realm of potential realities, in the stone. If you feel drawn to them, then they are available to you. Every time you practice, you learn to connect with them. Every time you practice, you chop some stone away, and reveal this facet of you a bit more.
The real you is already there. You don't need to build anything. Just to take away what's too much. Throw out what hides you. Chop off what prevents you from freely expressing who you are at your very core. Shed all this unnecessary stuff - and let us see who you truly are. :-) The great thing about it is that you are both the artist and the sculpture.
Do you think this is pointless hair splitting? Just a matter of words? Well, personal development is all about words. The words you use daily to talk about yourself, about others, about the world, the words you use to describe your goals, your beliefs, your actions: all these words, that is an important part of what shapes your reality.
I personally feel very differently about myself and my goals since I switched from building to sculpting. It makes a huge, positive difference in my mindset, and leads to better results.
Next time you want to develop yourself in some area, ask yourself carefully: do I really want to build it? Or do I want to sculpt it?
Happy sculpting! :-)
I did adhere to this kind of mindset in the past too. I used to try and "build". The more I grow though, the more I think this approach is disempowering.
Building implies that you don't have it yet. It's not fully there, you need to build some more of it first. So basically, building means believing you're not whole, perfect and complete yet. To me this feels like lack and conditionality.
I prefer to believe that we are already whole, perfect and complete. All energies are at all times available to all of us. When we choose to expand in a new direction, we simply reveal this aspect of us - which was already present.
Everything you could ever wish to be, you already are! You just don't notice because of the negative stuff covering it: for example, your fears, and your limiting beliefs. Some old pain. Attachment. Emotional blocks. Maybe some negative stuff going on at soul level.
Maybe you also choose not to see what you already are. After all, seeing it would mean going a scary, uncomfortable path. It's more convenient to buy into the belief that you "don't have it" yet and first need to "build".
Wasn't it Michelangelo who said about his David that he already lived in the stone, and that he just freed him by taking everything away that wasn't him? It's the same with you. The you that you would like to be already lives inside the big, rough stone that is your current you. There is nothing here to build on top of that. You just need to free yourself. Chop all the stone off that is not truly you. Reveal the diamond.
You already have all the courage, confidence and all the other good qualities that you wish for. It's all there in the stone, just covered by a layer of something that is not truly you. You already have a wonderful personality. When you release fear and negativity, it will shine through bright and clear.
You even already have the skills. They're not apparent yet. But they're present in the realm of potential realities, in the stone. If you feel drawn to them, then they are available to you. Every time you practice, you learn to connect with them. Every time you practice, you chop some stone away, and reveal this facet of you a bit more.
The real you is already there. You don't need to build anything. Just to take away what's too much. Throw out what hides you. Chop off what prevents you from freely expressing who you are at your very core. Shed all this unnecessary stuff - and let us see who you truly are. :-) The great thing about it is that you are both the artist and the sculpture.
Do you think this is pointless hair splitting? Just a matter of words? Well, personal development is all about words. The words you use daily to talk about yourself, about others, about the world, the words you use to describe your goals, your beliefs, your actions: all these words, that is an important part of what shapes your reality.
I personally feel very differently about myself and my goals since I switched from building to sculpting. It makes a huge, positive difference in my mindset, and leads to better results.
Next time you want to develop yourself in some area, ask yourself carefully: do I really want to build it? Or do I want to sculpt it?
Happy sculpting! :-)
jueves, 25 de febrero de 2010
Are You Highly Sensitive?
I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). HSPs are people whose nervous system is particularly developed/sensitive. They perceive more details than others and are said to process input more deeply.
It's a bit like lacking filters. Other people's brains discard "useless" information and regulate the sensory input they get. HSPs are not able to do that. As a result, they are easily bothered by loud or repetitive sounds, background noise, strong smells, flashy lights... They also need more time than others to process their experiences, like conversations or movies, and those tend to affect them deeply. HSPs get easily over-stimulated or overwhelmed when too much is going on at once.
Do you wonder if you are a HSP? I cannot speak for others since we are all sensitive in different ways, but this is what it looks like for me:
I can't stand loud or repetitive sounds. Listening to loud music while dancing around in the living room for twenty minutes is okay, but that's about it. I suffer a lot at night clubs or loud parties, which is why I almost never go there. Even at the cinema, the sound is usually outrageously loud to me. Sometimes I wonder if everybody else is deaf or something. I tried to go to a big concert twice in my life and collapsed both times despite the earplugs.
I have a hard time with flashy colors. Most websites look way too aggressive to me, including my own! Fortunately I don't have to look at it much. The internal wordpress interface is decent.
Strong smells affect me a lot. When someone has a lot of perfume on them and comes too close, I almost faint.
I am very sensitive to physical sensations such as pain, cold, heat, hunger, clothes and materials...
Especially food has a huge effect on me. Eating unhealthy things like animal products or grains makes me feel very miserable very quickly. It leads to sickness, sleeping disorders, nervousness, etc. On the other hand, I also feel much better very quickly when I eat fruit and veggies.
I don't tolerate the anti-baby-pill, antibiotics, or other allopathic drugs. Even painkillers are a problem, I have found only two kinds that I can take. I avoid all kinds of pills and only take painkillers once a month when my period would drive me insane if I didn't.
I am prone to addictions. Since my nervous system tends to over-react, addictive substances have a huge impact on me. I get drunk from drinking half an alcohol-free beer (seriously!). I tried to smoke pot a few times in my life and got extremely sick from it. When I start eating sugar, I feel very crappy, but even crappier when I stop eating it. That is something I need to be watchful for.
I am sensitive to energy. As a side-effect, I have strong empathy and can feel other people's emotions. Electric devices make me nervous. I am easily unsettled by negative energy in places or people. When they are scared, aggressive or angry, it truly feels like a physical aggression to me, even when their emotions are not directed at me at all.
As you can imagine, I dislike crowded places. I'm not scared of other people. It's just... too much input! Too overwhelming. Sometimes I get nervous breakdowns in crowded places.
I totally hate having conversations in places with a lot going on around or background noise/music, like bars or streets with lots of cars. I am unable to switch the background stuff off in order to focus on the conversation. In such situations I often can't hear what they're saying. Or I hear it but somehow just don't understand it. My brain is too busy processing everything else. I can do it, but it costs me a lot of energy and is extremely stressful for me to follow a conversation under such conditions. This too can sometimes lead to uncontrollable crying, panting or nervous breakdowns.
When a police car or ambulance with a siren drives past me, I usually protect my ears with my hands and whine, or scream "Aaaaahhhh!!". It's so stressful that I get totally aggressive and feel like killing everybody in that moment, especially the car driver.
I startle easily. Don't shout "Boooo!!!" behind my back! I'd immediately turn around and hit you on your nose, or alternatively have a heart attack. ;-)
I am unable to watch violent or scary movies. When I say violent, think Lord of the Rings... Usually, movies recommended for children above 12 are too violent for me. I'm easily scared and hide. When it gets too violent, I just can't stand it, I cry and run out. When I watch any movie, it resonates in me for days until I have fully digested it.
Music moves me to tears! Or books, movies, art, nature...
I feel emotional pain as physical pain in my chest. When I am very happy, it can be so strong that I cry or puke. I am easily over-excited, over-stimulated, and also very easily bored!
I need a lot of time to do nothing, recover and process input. I totally freak out when I don't get enough time alone, when I get repeatedly interrupted or woken up, or when too much is going on at once.
Well, I think that is enough. You get the picture. :-)
Do you recognize yourself in this to some extent? Then you could be a HSP too. If you want to investigate the topic further, see this website. There is a self-test you can take as well as some resources. I haven't read her books, so I don't know if I recommend them or not. If you happen to speak German, I recommend this book. It has helped me tremendously to acknowledge my high sensitivity and deal with it in a practical way.
It's a bit like lacking filters. Other people's brains discard "useless" information and regulate the sensory input they get. HSPs are not able to do that. As a result, they are easily bothered by loud or repetitive sounds, background noise, strong smells, flashy lights... They also need more time than others to process their experiences, like conversations or movies, and those tend to affect them deeply. HSPs get easily over-stimulated or overwhelmed when too much is going on at once.
Do you wonder if you are a HSP? I cannot speak for others since we are all sensitive in different ways, but this is what it looks like for me:
I can't stand loud or repetitive sounds. Listening to loud music while dancing around in the living room for twenty minutes is okay, but that's about it. I suffer a lot at night clubs or loud parties, which is why I almost never go there. Even at the cinema, the sound is usually outrageously loud to me. Sometimes I wonder if everybody else is deaf or something. I tried to go to a big concert twice in my life and collapsed both times despite the earplugs.
I have a hard time with flashy colors. Most websites look way too aggressive to me, including my own! Fortunately I don't have to look at it much. The internal wordpress interface is decent.
Strong smells affect me a lot. When someone has a lot of perfume on them and comes too close, I almost faint.
I am very sensitive to physical sensations such as pain, cold, heat, hunger, clothes and materials...
Especially food has a huge effect on me. Eating unhealthy things like animal products or grains makes me feel very miserable very quickly. It leads to sickness, sleeping disorders, nervousness, etc. On the other hand, I also feel much better very quickly when I eat fruit and veggies.
I don't tolerate the anti-baby-pill, antibiotics, or other allopathic drugs. Even painkillers are a problem, I have found only two kinds that I can take. I avoid all kinds of pills and only take painkillers once a month when my period would drive me insane if I didn't.
I am prone to addictions. Since my nervous system tends to over-react, addictive substances have a huge impact on me. I get drunk from drinking half an alcohol-free beer (seriously!). I tried to smoke pot a few times in my life and got extremely sick from it. When I start eating sugar, I feel very crappy, but even crappier when I stop eating it. That is something I need to be watchful for.
I am sensitive to energy. As a side-effect, I have strong empathy and can feel other people's emotions. Electric devices make me nervous. I am easily unsettled by negative energy in places or people. When they are scared, aggressive or angry, it truly feels like a physical aggression to me, even when their emotions are not directed at me at all.
As you can imagine, I dislike crowded places. I'm not scared of other people. It's just... too much input! Too overwhelming. Sometimes I get nervous breakdowns in crowded places.
I totally hate having conversations in places with a lot going on around or background noise/music, like bars or streets with lots of cars. I am unable to switch the background stuff off in order to focus on the conversation. In such situations I often can't hear what they're saying. Or I hear it but somehow just don't understand it. My brain is too busy processing everything else. I can do it, but it costs me a lot of energy and is extremely stressful for me to follow a conversation under such conditions. This too can sometimes lead to uncontrollable crying, panting or nervous breakdowns.
When a police car or ambulance with a siren drives past me, I usually protect my ears with my hands and whine, or scream "Aaaaahhhh!!". It's so stressful that I get totally aggressive and feel like killing everybody in that moment, especially the car driver.
I startle easily. Don't shout "Boooo!!!" behind my back! I'd immediately turn around and hit you on your nose, or alternatively have a heart attack. ;-)
I am unable to watch violent or scary movies. When I say violent, think Lord of the Rings... Usually, movies recommended for children above 12 are too violent for me. I'm easily scared and hide. When it gets too violent, I just can't stand it, I cry and run out. When I watch any movie, it resonates in me for days until I have fully digested it.
Music moves me to tears! Or books, movies, art, nature...
I feel emotional pain as physical pain in my chest. When I am very happy, it can be so strong that I cry or puke. I am easily over-excited, over-stimulated, and also very easily bored!
I need a lot of time to do nothing, recover and process input. I totally freak out when I don't get enough time alone, when I get repeatedly interrupted or woken up, or when too much is going on at once.
Well, I think that is enough. You get the picture. :-)
Do you recognize yourself in this to some extent? Then you could be a HSP too. If you want to investigate the topic further, see this website. There is a self-test you can take as well as some resources. I haven't read her books, so I don't know if I recommend them or not. If you happen to speak German, I recommend this book. It has helped me tremendously to acknowledge my high sensitivity and deal with it in a practical way.
martes, 26 de enero de 2010
Is This Really Good Enough For You?
I'm very hard to offend, yet a few weeks ago I got totally offended. A guy said to me that he doesn't find me totally hot, but if I really wanted to, he'd have sex with me. Oh my God. I was so pissed off. I told him to go fuck himself and that I would never, ever have sex with him, and that even if not one single guy on Earth finds me sexy, I'd still not have sex with him.
Of course that was just my ego that found his comment terribly insulting. I hadn't asked for anything, to begin with! My overweight is my biggest (and actually my only) weakness. I tend to get mad as hell when a guy wants me while still finding me too fat. Oddly enough, I have no problem with a guy not finding me attractive at all.
Fortunately I talked about this fight with my spirit guides and thanks to their advice, I was able to let go of my hurt ego and make up with the guy. I dearly love him. My spirit guides are awesome.
But there's one thing that my ego was right about: I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks I'm not totally hot. It doesn't matter how wonderful and adorable and sexy he finds me if he doesn't find me totally hot. I only want to have sex with a guy who thinks I am the sexiest Goddess on Earth. Everything else is just not good enough for me! In my experience, there is such a big difference between sex with a guy who finds me totally steamy hot, and sex with a guy who really loves me and thinks I'm absolutely wonderful, but would just prefer me thinner. The latter is soooo suboptimal.
Shortly after this episode, I was chatting with another friend of mine about how next year we both don't want to spend Christmas with the family. And he said "Hey cool! If we don't have any other plans, we could spend Christmas together." Since I still was in reactivated ego-mode, some red flags immediately jumped up and down frantically in my head. I told him I would not spend next Christmas with him. I didn't like the kinda-backup-plan-way he said that. He rectified and claimed that he'd love to spend next Christmas with me, but I just told him it was too late.
Aside from the fact that it's a lot of fun to be a bitch, my decisions make sense. When a situation feels like "not good enough", we can react with our ego, feeling insulted and acting out of pride - like I did with the first guy. That's not very wise. But we can also stay detached and simply look at the facts. And then ask ourselves: is that really what I want?
Do I really want to spend Christmas with someone who's with me because he has no better plans? In all objectivity, is that what I imagine for myself in this lifetime? Can't I dream a bit a lot bigger? This friend of mine said that is not what he meant. He really wanted to spend Christmas with me, but there might be things coming in between, he said, because it's a whole year to go. To what I replied: "if you really wanted, nothing would come in between". I'm free to want a life where others really want to be with me, so much that they do whatever is required to make it happen. Lukewarm wishes to be with me, dependent on external circumstances? Sorry, not good enough for me!
Being wise doesn't mean putting up with any crap. We are powerful, wonderful, incredibly beautiful beings. We are here to create the life we dream of. Exactly the life we dream of. Is your current reality exactly what you want?
Since those two incidents, I go around and ask myself: is this good enough for me? And that, is that good enough for me? Is this relationship exactly what I want? Is this guy exactly what I want? Is this project, this goal, this choice, exactly what I truly want deep down? It feels so good to say "Sorry, not good enough for me!" - with a smile.
What is it that you truly want deep down?
Is all this around you really good enough for you?
Of course that was just my ego that found his comment terribly insulting. I hadn't asked for anything, to begin with! My overweight is my biggest (and actually my only) weakness. I tend to get mad as hell when a guy wants me while still finding me too fat. Oddly enough, I have no problem with a guy not finding me attractive at all.
Fortunately I talked about this fight with my spirit guides and thanks to their advice, I was able to let go of my hurt ego and make up with the guy. I dearly love him. My spirit guides are awesome.
But there's one thing that my ego was right about: I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks I'm not totally hot. It doesn't matter how wonderful and adorable and sexy he finds me if he doesn't find me totally hot. I only want to have sex with a guy who thinks I am the sexiest Goddess on Earth. Everything else is just not good enough for me! In my experience, there is such a big difference between sex with a guy who finds me totally steamy hot, and sex with a guy who really loves me and thinks I'm absolutely wonderful, but would just prefer me thinner. The latter is soooo suboptimal.
Shortly after this episode, I was chatting with another friend of mine about how next year we both don't want to spend Christmas with the family. And he said "Hey cool! If we don't have any other plans, we could spend Christmas together." Since I still was in reactivated ego-mode, some red flags immediately jumped up and down frantically in my head. I told him I would not spend next Christmas with him. I didn't like the kinda-backup-plan-way he said that. He rectified and claimed that he'd love to spend next Christmas with me, but I just told him it was too late.
Aside from the fact that it's a lot of fun to be a bitch, my decisions make sense. When a situation feels like "not good enough", we can react with our ego, feeling insulted and acting out of pride - like I did with the first guy. That's not very wise. But we can also stay detached and simply look at the facts. And then ask ourselves: is that really what I want?
Do I really want to spend Christmas with someone who's with me because he has no better plans? In all objectivity, is that what I imagine for myself in this lifetime? Can't I dream a bit a lot bigger? This friend of mine said that is not what he meant. He really wanted to spend Christmas with me, but there might be things coming in between, he said, because it's a whole year to go. To what I replied: "if you really wanted, nothing would come in between". I'm free to want a life where others really want to be with me, so much that they do whatever is required to make it happen. Lukewarm wishes to be with me, dependent on external circumstances? Sorry, not good enough for me!
Being wise doesn't mean putting up with any crap. We are powerful, wonderful, incredibly beautiful beings. We are here to create the life we dream of. Exactly the life we dream of. Is your current reality exactly what you want?
Since those two incidents, I go around and ask myself: is this good enough for me? And that, is that good enough for me? Is this relationship exactly what I want? Is this guy exactly what I want? Is this project, this goal, this choice, exactly what I truly want deep down? It feels so good to say "Sorry, not good enough for me!" - with a smile.
What is it that you truly want deep down?
Is all this around you really good enough for you?
jueves, 22 de octubre de 2009
Example of an Empowering Social Mindset
When it comes to social skills and relationships, I always say it's all a matter of mindset. But what mindset exactly?
That is up to you to decide for yourself. We're all different. You need to find what works for you.
Here is one example of a mindset that works. It works for me. Maybe it can inspire you in finding your own empowering mindset?
Beliefs about Myself
I am a wonderful person.
I am interesting.
I know what I want.
I'm clear about my goals, values, and life purpose.
I am sexy.
I love myself damn fucking much.
People enjoy talking with me and spending time with me.
I am great in bed. Or in any other place than the bed.
I am 100% responsible for my own feelings, actions, and reality.
I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and to accept change - including in my social life.
I am perfectly fine as I am right now. (Still working on this one: sometimes I still dislike my overweight!)
Beliefs about Others
Other people are wonderful persons. There is beauty in everyone. We are all incredibly fascinating creatures. Everybody is interesting.
Other people are friendly.
I trust everybody.
Everybody likes me. When someone doesn't like me, this has nothing to do with me personally. It's because in their eyes I represent something that they don't like.
I love everybody. When I don't like someone, it's because they trigger energies in me that I don't like. It has nothing to do with them personally.
Nobody can hurt me if I don't allow them to do so.
Other people are 100% responsible for their own feelings and actions. I am 0% responsible for other people's feelings and actions.
Trying to protect others from being hurt is highly disrespectful towards them.
Other people are perfectly fine as they are right now.
Beliefs about my Social Skills
My social skills are excellent.
I can talk to any stranger, attract any relationship, and make anybody feel comfortable with me in minutes.
I'm not afraid of anybody.
Beliefs about Relationships and Communication
Friends, lovers and all people in my life are just a reflection of the love and connection that is inside me. As long as I let love and connection flow into my life, I naturally manifest friends, lovers and people.
We are all one. We are all connected. Distance is not relevant, no matter what happens we stay connected. I cannot truly lose anybody.
If someone disappears from my life, lots of other people will show up instead, who will be more aligned with who I am.
I cannot be lonely, ever.
Relationships are easy.
Communicating with others is easy.
Love is easy. It just flows.
I don't take rejection personally. It says more about the other person's choices than about me. Other people's choices have nothing to do with me.
What others think about me is none of my business. I have more interesting things to think about anyway.
If a relationship is not aligned with my highest path and purpose, I leave. Living my purpose and creating the reality I want has a higher priority than any relationship.
Loving someone does not necessarily mean spending time with them. I can choose not to associate with someone if that is not in my highest good, not aligned with my goals, or not appropriate for any other reason, and still love them. Choosing who I spend my time with is not a love issue, it's a time-management issue. (More about this here.)
Beliefs about the World and Life in General
The world is a fantastic place!
Life is so exciting!
I am here to grow and learn. Everything is a growth experience, everything is a lesson. If I learn from them, I am open to any growth experiences, no matter how uncomfortable they may feel to me.
I look forward to seeing what I will create in my life!
Everything is exactly as it should be at this time. This does not mean that we cannot create something better. ;)
Love heals everything. Especially fear.
Create Your Own Mindset
Which ones of those beliefs do you resonate with, and which ones do you not resonate with? Can you think of more beliefs that make you feel good and would improve your social life?
You are free to choose your beliefs. Create your own, very personal, super-powerful mindset!
That is up to you to decide for yourself. We're all different. You need to find what works for you.
Here is one example of a mindset that works. It works for me. Maybe it can inspire you in finding your own empowering mindset?
Beliefs about Myself
I am a wonderful person.
I am interesting.
I know what I want.
I'm clear about my goals, values, and life purpose.
I am sexy.
I love myself damn fucking much.
People enjoy talking with me and spending time with me.
I am great in bed. Or in any other place than the bed.
I am 100% responsible for my own feelings, actions, and reality.
I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and to accept change - including in my social life.
I am perfectly fine as I am right now. (Still working on this one: sometimes I still dislike my overweight!)
Beliefs about Others
Other people are wonderful persons. There is beauty in everyone. We are all incredibly fascinating creatures. Everybody is interesting.
Other people are friendly.
I trust everybody.
Everybody likes me. When someone doesn't like me, this has nothing to do with me personally. It's because in their eyes I represent something that they don't like.
I love everybody. When I don't like someone, it's because they trigger energies in me that I don't like. It has nothing to do with them personally.
Nobody can hurt me if I don't allow them to do so.
Other people are 100% responsible for their own feelings and actions. I am 0% responsible for other people's feelings and actions.
Trying to protect others from being hurt is highly disrespectful towards them.
Other people are perfectly fine as they are right now.
Beliefs about my Social Skills
My social skills are excellent.
I can talk to any stranger, attract any relationship, and make anybody feel comfortable with me in minutes.
I'm not afraid of anybody.
Beliefs about Relationships and Communication
Friends, lovers and all people in my life are just a reflection of the love and connection that is inside me. As long as I let love and connection flow into my life, I naturally manifest friends, lovers and people.
We are all one. We are all connected. Distance is not relevant, no matter what happens we stay connected. I cannot truly lose anybody.
If someone disappears from my life, lots of other people will show up instead, who will be more aligned with who I am.
I cannot be lonely, ever.
Relationships are easy.
Communicating with others is easy.
Love is easy. It just flows.
I don't take rejection personally. It says more about the other person's choices than about me. Other people's choices have nothing to do with me.
What others think about me is none of my business. I have more interesting things to think about anyway.
If a relationship is not aligned with my highest path and purpose, I leave. Living my purpose and creating the reality I want has a higher priority than any relationship.
Loving someone does not necessarily mean spending time with them. I can choose not to associate with someone if that is not in my highest good, not aligned with my goals, or not appropriate for any other reason, and still love them. Choosing who I spend my time with is not a love issue, it's a time-management issue. (More about this here.)
Beliefs about the World and Life in General
The world is a fantastic place!
Life is so exciting!
I am here to grow and learn. Everything is a growth experience, everything is a lesson. If I learn from them, I am open to any growth experiences, no matter how uncomfortable they may feel to me.
I look forward to seeing what I will create in my life!
Everything is exactly as it should be at this time. This does not mean that we cannot create something better. ;)
Love heals everything. Especially fear.
Create Your Own Mindset
Which ones of those beliefs do you resonate with, and which ones do you not resonate with? Can you think of more beliefs that make you feel good and would improve your social life?
You are free to choose your beliefs. Create your own, very personal, super-powerful mindset!
lunes, 1 de junio de 2009
Walking Barefoot
A few weeks ago I switched to walking barefoot, all the time and everywhere.
I didn't consciously decide to make it a new habit. It just happened. When I started developing my intuition, getting rid of my shoes followed as a natural consequence.
Why do I do it? I cannot really explain it. I just feel so much better when I walk barefoot! I feel safer, more grounded. I also feel wonderfully free! It makes me happy.
It did hurt a lot at first and I got a few blisters. But after some training the skin under my feet got thicker. Now there still are surfaces that I have a hard time walking on - especially hot asphalt - but it's getting easier and easier. I can even walk over small pieces of broken glass without cutting myself. In a few months I'll probably be trained enough to walk just everywhere.
Actually I have gotten used to it so much that my feet protest when I wear shoes now, even my super-comfortable walking shoes. The feet start hurting internally after a while, probably because they're not free to move in a natural way with the shoes on. It's like wearing some stiff gloves that would immobilize your hands all day long.
I didn't consciously decide to make it a new habit. It just happened. When I started developing my intuition, getting rid of my shoes followed as a natural consequence.
Why do I do it? I cannot really explain it. I just feel so much better when I walk barefoot! I feel safer, more grounded. I also feel wonderfully free! It makes me happy.
It did hurt a lot at first and I got a few blisters. But after some training the skin under my feet got thicker. Now there still are surfaces that I have a hard time walking on - especially hot asphalt - but it's getting easier and easier. I can even walk over small pieces of broken glass without cutting myself. In a few months I'll probably be trained enough to walk just everywhere.
Actually I have gotten used to it so much that my feet protest when I wear shoes now, even my super-comfortable walking shoes. The feet start hurting internally after a while, probably because they're not free to move in a natural way with the shoes on. It's like wearing some stiff gloves that would immobilize your hands all day long.
sábado, 23 de mayo de 2009
Easy exercise to build self-confidence
Here’s a nice little exercise to help you build self-confidence, especially in social situations. I didn’t invent it, it's pretty common. But I’d like to bring it to your awareness in case you didn’t know it yet, because I found it to be very valuable. I used it for years and it helped me a lot.
Walk your line
Go for a walk. Go to the mall, or pick a busy street in the city center. One way or another the place needs to be quite crowded.
While you are walking, visualize a line on the ground that represents your trajectory. This line has to be straight. The goal of the exercise is to stay on this course no matter what.
When two persons meet on the street and happen to be on collision course, at least one of them has to deviate from his or her path, or else they’d bump into each other. If you observe people on the street, you’ll notice that the actual confrontation in such a case does not happen when they meet. It happens one or two minutes before that, when they are about 10m away from each other and realize that they will collide if they stay on their current course.
Then what happens is generally that one person takes a few steps to the side while walking in order to avoid the collision. Sometimes both of them deviate just slightly from their course, but in my experience usually one person stays on course and the other one goes out of the other person's trajectory. Who that is depends on lots of subtle body language signals.
All this usually happens on a subconscious level. The people involved might not even notice what's going on. The one who sidestepped the other one might not even be aware of it.
Now our exercise consists of having you walk down this crowded place and stay on your straight line no matter what. Stay on course. Do NOT deviate from your path. When you meet someone, pay attention to the unspoken confrontation taking place, and stand your ground.
Walk slowly. It's not about running around and bumping into people. The goal is to walk, slowly, peacefully, on "your" line, and have everybody else make way, without you ever having to sidestep.
Do it out of Love
There are two ways you can practice this exercise.
You can do it with the goal to dominate others, to become stronger than they are, and to impose them your will. That's a valid choice. It's uninteresting to me personally because I consider it to be rooted in fear. Without fear, there's just no need for dominating others.
You can do it out of love just as well. This exercise is an excellent way of affirming "Here I am. I exist, I am worthy and important. Others acknowledge this by going out of my way. I know what I want, and I am good enough to deserve getting it." And if you practice this exercise regularly, you will progressively learn that this affirmation is true.
If you lack self-confidence, can't look people into the eyes, or often go out of their way on the street, this is not good for the world. First, you aren't living up to your true potential. The world needs your true potential. Second, you're likely to feel not that great. This generates bad vibrations, and those vibrations affect everybody else in some way. You are not doing the world a favor by being weak. Gaining strength and self-confidence makes you vibrate higher and this will positively affect others as well.
So, do it for the highest good of all.
You don't need to be dominant or aggressive when you're doing this exercise. This is not a power struggle. You're not "winning" or "beating them" when you get to stay on your course and they deviate from theirs. See it as a favor they're doing you, an acknowledgment of your presence and worth. Thank them mentally (or out loud).
Acknowledge them in return. Look at them, look into their eyes. You can smile if you want to. Be open and friendly. Btw, this exercise is an excellent way of connecting with strangers as well.
Tips
If you really lack self-confidence, this can be a very tough exercise. You might feel awkward, ashamed, shy, even guilty or scared. I for sure felt this way when I had no friends and started with this exercise!
Here are a few tips to help you:
As I already said, don't see it as a power struggle, but as an act of love towards yourself and the world. This helps a lot.
Keep your back straight. Not because it makes you come across as more self-confident, but because when your back is straight, the energy flows more easily though your body, and then you just feel much better and more powerful.
As a side note, I am no fan of trying to impress others by adopting certain body postures. This is fake. Faking brings you out of alignment with integrity. It's useless anyway. At some point the truth will come out about you, so you'd rather stand by what you are. That's why I never work with controlling body language and such tricks. If you don't like what you are, don't fake. Change.
Look into the eyes of the people you meet, from the moment you notice them until the moment they walk past you. Again, not in order to come across as dominant or self-confident, but simply because it will feel better. It's a good way of building courage, and you'll probably be more happy if you succeed at this exercise with eye contact than if you succeed without eye contact. Just try it out.
What could also help you is to imagine that you are a ship in the sea. You know how the waves break at the nose of the ship and slide along its sides? That is how the crowd will open up to let you walk your path.
Limits
I readily sidestep when meeting people for whom going out of my way would be tiring or otherwise difficult. For example blind people, people in wheelchairs, old people who have a hard time walking, people with little children, people carrying heavy things, etc. They'd need to make a huge additional effort in order for me to stay on course. In such cases, the loving thing for me to do is just to go out of their way.
A matter of mindset
Being good at this exercise does NOT depend on your body size, social status, physical strength, gender, attractiveness, money or clothes. I am a very short, overweight woman, usually running around in jeans or sweat pants. Nothing about me signalizes dominance or high social status. AND I'm really good at this exercise. It's not about such things. The mechanisms of human behavior are way more complex than that.
It's all in your head!
Believe that you are worthy, important and strong, and that you deserve the space you are occupying. Know exactly what you want (walking on this line and no other one). Be determined to stand your ground no matter what. They'll all go out of your way.
Try it out! It's a lot of fun!
Walk your line
Go for a walk. Go to the mall, or pick a busy street in the city center. One way or another the place needs to be quite crowded.
While you are walking, visualize a line on the ground that represents your trajectory. This line has to be straight. The goal of the exercise is to stay on this course no matter what.
When two persons meet on the street and happen to be on collision course, at least one of them has to deviate from his or her path, or else they’d bump into each other. If you observe people on the street, you’ll notice that the actual confrontation in such a case does not happen when they meet. It happens one or two minutes before that, when they are about 10m away from each other and realize that they will collide if they stay on their current course.
Then what happens is generally that one person takes a few steps to the side while walking in order to avoid the collision. Sometimes both of them deviate just slightly from their course, but in my experience usually one person stays on course and the other one goes out of the other person's trajectory. Who that is depends on lots of subtle body language signals.
All this usually happens on a subconscious level. The people involved might not even notice what's going on. The one who sidestepped the other one might not even be aware of it.
Now our exercise consists of having you walk down this crowded place and stay on your straight line no matter what. Stay on course. Do NOT deviate from your path. When you meet someone, pay attention to the unspoken confrontation taking place, and stand your ground.
Walk slowly. It's not about running around and bumping into people. The goal is to walk, slowly, peacefully, on "your" line, and have everybody else make way, without you ever having to sidestep.
Do it out of Love
There are two ways you can practice this exercise.
You can do it with the goal to dominate others, to become stronger than they are, and to impose them your will. That's a valid choice. It's uninteresting to me personally because I consider it to be rooted in fear. Without fear, there's just no need for dominating others.
You can do it out of love just as well. This exercise is an excellent way of affirming "Here I am. I exist, I am worthy and important. Others acknowledge this by going out of my way. I know what I want, and I am good enough to deserve getting it." And if you practice this exercise regularly, you will progressively learn that this affirmation is true.
If you lack self-confidence, can't look people into the eyes, or often go out of their way on the street, this is not good for the world. First, you aren't living up to your true potential. The world needs your true potential. Second, you're likely to feel not that great. This generates bad vibrations, and those vibrations affect everybody else in some way. You are not doing the world a favor by being weak. Gaining strength and self-confidence makes you vibrate higher and this will positively affect others as well.
So, do it for the highest good of all.
You don't need to be dominant or aggressive when you're doing this exercise. This is not a power struggle. You're not "winning" or "beating them" when you get to stay on your course and they deviate from theirs. See it as a favor they're doing you, an acknowledgment of your presence and worth. Thank them mentally (or out loud).
Acknowledge them in return. Look at them, look into their eyes. You can smile if you want to. Be open and friendly. Btw, this exercise is an excellent way of connecting with strangers as well.
Tips
If you really lack self-confidence, this can be a very tough exercise. You might feel awkward, ashamed, shy, even guilty or scared. I for sure felt this way when I had no friends and started with this exercise!
Here are a few tips to help you:
As I already said, don't see it as a power struggle, but as an act of love towards yourself and the world. This helps a lot.
Keep your back straight. Not because it makes you come across as more self-confident, but because when your back is straight, the energy flows more easily though your body, and then you just feel much better and more powerful.
As a side note, I am no fan of trying to impress others by adopting certain body postures. This is fake. Faking brings you out of alignment with integrity. It's useless anyway. At some point the truth will come out about you, so you'd rather stand by what you are. That's why I never work with controlling body language and such tricks. If you don't like what you are, don't fake. Change.
Look into the eyes of the people you meet, from the moment you notice them until the moment they walk past you. Again, not in order to come across as dominant or self-confident, but simply because it will feel better. It's a good way of building courage, and you'll probably be more happy if you succeed at this exercise with eye contact than if you succeed without eye contact. Just try it out.
What could also help you is to imagine that you are a ship in the sea. You know how the waves break at the nose of the ship and slide along its sides? That is how the crowd will open up to let you walk your path.
Limits
I readily sidestep when meeting people for whom going out of my way would be tiring or otherwise difficult. For example blind people, people in wheelchairs, old people who have a hard time walking, people with little children, people carrying heavy things, etc. They'd need to make a huge additional effort in order for me to stay on course. In such cases, the loving thing for me to do is just to go out of their way.
A matter of mindset
Being good at this exercise does NOT depend on your body size, social status, physical strength, gender, attractiveness, money or clothes. I am a very short, overweight woman, usually running around in jeans or sweat pants. Nothing about me signalizes dominance or high social status. AND I'm really good at this exercise. It's not about such things. The mechanisms of human behavior are way more complex than that.
It's all in your head!
Believe that you are worthy, important and strong, and that you deserve the space you are occupying. Know exactly what you want (walking on this line and no other one). Be determined to stand your ground no matter what. They'll all go out of your way.
Try it out! It's a lot of fun!
martes, 10 de marzo de 2009
Language Fetishism
I love learning foreign languages! It's so much fun. My favorite way of procrastinating. Especially when I discover a new language that I like. I can get so hooked on it that I forget about everything else and spend hours and days doing nothing but listening to it, reading it, and trying to figure out how it works. I also love teaching the languages I already speak. And most of all I love talking about grammar, phonetics or etymology.
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
lunes, 26 de enero de 2009
One New Habit A Month Challenge
I told you we're switching to warp drive. So, to begin with, this year I want to learn a few new habits. In 2008 I got used to journaling a few pages every day and I really like it. I'd like to have more of such empowering habits.
Every month, starting on the 19th of each month, I'll start practicing one new daily activity. I chose daily activities because they're easier to get used to than things that you do just a few times a week. The goal is to have the new habit run on auto-pilot after a few weeks, without me thinking about it consciously. I want to get so used to doing it every single day that, at some point, not doing it would feel strange. Like when I don't brush my teeth, it definitely feels like something's missing.
I have already reached that point with my journaling habit. I have decided not to make it a conscious goal anymore. However, when I go for a day or more without journaling, I miss writing my morning pages and naturally go back to writing them. That's exactly what I want to achieve with those new habits too.
I'll have no fixed time in the day to do it. The goal simply is to do it every day until it's automatic.
For the time between January 19th and February 19th, I am currently implementing the following new habits:
Block One:
Thirty minutes or more of fast walking every day
Fifteen minutes or more of dancing every day
Block Two:
Five minutes or more of meditation every day
Daily chakra cleansing and opening
Daily spiritual connection
I admit, this is not one new habit, it's five of them.... But you know me! Why keep it simple when I can make it complicated?
Moreover, all these are no brand new habits. It's things I was already doing, just not every single day. Now I'm doing it every single day.
Things are going very well for now. I usually walk for 45 to 90 minutes rather than 30, today it was even more than two hours. I also meditate longer than five minutes a day. But I set the target lower, the point simply being to do it every day.
I totally enjoy dancing around like crazy in the living room to some very loud music. The chakra cleansing and opening takes just two or three minutes, it's no biggie.
As for what I call "spiritual connection", I recently got a reading with Anna Conlan, and she gave me some homework to do. It's some kind of "prayer" that I shall say every day for three weeks. So that's what I'm doing. Later I'll either drop this habit or, if I like it and miss it, I'll write a "prayer" of my own making, or replace it with connecting to my spirit guides or something.
I don't know which new habits I'll adopt next month. We'll see.
Who wants to join me? Let's acquire new habits together! :-)
Every month, starting on the 19th of each month, I'll start practicing one new daily activity. I chose daily activities because they're easier to get used to than things that you do just a few times a week. The goal is to have the new habit run on auto-pilot after a few weeks, without me thinking about it consciously. I want to get so used to doing it every single day that, at some point, not doing it would feel strange. Like when I don't brush my teeth, it definitely feels like something's missing.
I have already reached that point with my journaling habit. I have decided not to make it a conscious goal anymore. However, when I go for a day or more without journaling, I miss writing my morning pages and naturally go back to writing them. That's exactly what I want to achieve with those new habits too.
I'll have no fixed time in the day to do it. The goal simply is to do it every day until it's automatic.
For the time between January 19th and February 19th, I am currently implementing the following new habits:
Block One:
Thirty minutes or more of fast walking every day
Fifteen minutes or more of dancing every day
Block Two:
Five minutes or more of meditation every day
Daily chakra cleansing and opening
Daily spiritual connection
I admit, this is not one new habit, it's five of them.... But you know me! Why keep it simple when I can make it complicated?
Moreover, all these are no brand new habits. It's things I was already doing, just not every single day. Now I'm doing it every single day.
Things are going very well for now. I usually walk for 45 to 90 minutes rather than 30, today it was even more than two hours. I also meditate longer than five minutes a day. But I set the target lower, the point simply being to do it every day.
I totally enjoy dancing around like crazy in the living room to some very loud music. The chakra cleansing and opening takes just two or three minutes, it's no biggie.
As for what I call "spiritual connection", I recently got a reading with Anna Conlan, and she gave me some homework to do. It's some kind of "prayer" that I shall say every day for three weeks. So that's what I'm doing. Later I'll either drop this habit or, if I like it and miss it, I'll write a "prayer" of my own making, or replace it with connecting to my spirit guides or something.
I don't know which new habits I'll adopt next month. We'll see.
Who wants to join me? Let's acquire new habits together! :-)
martes, 14 de octubre de 2008
Are You a Scanner?
I realize that I'm talking about my being a scanner or about my scanner's daybook, while maybe most of you don't know what a scanner is in the first place! So let's fix that.
What the fuck is a scanner?
A scanner is the contrary of a specialist. Scanners are unable to choose one single passion or career, and if they force themselves to do so, they suffer (and their productivity suffers, too). Scanners don't have only one field of interest, they have many of them. They seem to be interested in just everything. They usually have many projects running at the same time, and permanently come up with some great new idea. They also tend not to implement their ideas or not to finish the projects they start.
A scanner is the kind of guy who works with disabled children, studies physics at the distance learning university, learns japanese, draws comics and reads everything he can find about archeology. But it's not like having a job and then a few additional hobbies. The difference between a true scanner and a specialist with hobbies is that for the scanner, nothing is a "hobby". For a scanner, all those things he's interested in are equally important and he just cannot focus mainly or spend most of his time on only one of them, which would be required to do it as his career.
The word "scanner" comes from the book Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher. It's a book about scanners and for scanners, to help them cope with life & career without denying the scanner in them. I totally love this book, it has changed my life.
Cyclical scanners vs. serial scanners
Barbara Sher describes different kinds of scanners she identified. The main distinction she makes is between cyclical scanners and serial scanners.
Cyclical scanners have many but stable interests and passions (from 2 to 20+), and they oscillate periodically between all of those. For example a cyclical scanner is someone who starts a painting, then suddenly abandons it to program a computer game. Halfway through the programming work, he goes back to his painting, or starts a new painting. He finishes it, or not, and goes back to program his game. This way he spends his time alternating between programming and painting. In parallel to all this, he may regularly take classes to become a massage therapist.
Serial scanners on the other hand don't go back to a project once they have moved on. They do everything once and never look back. A serial scanner could for example work in a wholefood shop for six months, then quit and take classes in creative writing. After writing a screenplay, or only half of it, she loses interest and volunteers at an orphanage in India for a few months. When she comes back, she starts a business as a self-employed graphic designer. And so on.
Of course most of us are a mix of cyclical and serial scanner to some extent. There are many kinds of scanners out there. What we all have in common is that we hate to pick just one interest and concentrate on it for a long period of time.
What's a "long" period of time is relative. The other criterium Sher uses to classify scanners is their attention span. Among both cyclical and serial scanners, some are able to focus on the same field for a long time, like the serial specialists, who can stick with one career for years till they master it, and then go look for a new challenge. Others switch interests very rapidly. The high-speed indecisives for example always find something more interesting to do after, say, two minutes.
How a scanner ticks
Being a scanner is socially unacceptable nowadays. We are all being drilled to be specialists. As you can imagine, a behavior like the above examples makes it difficult to get a job, to earn a living, or to study. We're often said to be lazy, unstable or weird. In any case we're highly suspect.
That's because most people don't understand how a scanner ticks. When scanners quit, they ARE done. They have gotten what they were looking for, the point is just that what satisfies them is not necessarily what other people would call being done. Scanners all have a good reason to do what they do and to quit when they quit. This reason varies from individual to individual, so each one of us has to find out what keeps him/her going (in both senses).
Some scanners are extremely curious and just want to understand how something works. Once they've figured out how it works, they get bored and quit.
Others get bored and quit when completing the project is only a matter of time and regular effort, but not a matter of developing artful strategies and overcoming challenging difficulties anymore. That's the case for me, for example. When the road to success looks like a highway, damn is that boring. Bye bye!
Some want to discover new things in order to compare, classify and store them in their head like in a big database. I tried out half a dozen martial arts because I enjoyed comparing their tenets and techniques, with no intention of learning any of them in depth.
For some scanners, working somewhere is a way of experiencing other people's lives. They want to know how it feels to be a baker/teacher/accountant/actor, so that's what they do for a little while, but only till they know how it is. That's the reason why I accumulate foreign languages. You don't think in English like you think in German. Learning a new language for me is a way to experience being someone else.
These are some reasons I can identify with, but there are many many more of them. Each scanner has his/her own motivation to do what they do.
Undiagnosed scanners
Undiagnosed scanners are poor devils. I know because I was one of them for many years. When you're a scanner and you don't know that you're a scanner, it's really difficult. You try to pick one thing and stick with it, but you fail. And try again. And fail again. You beat yourself up for being that inconsistent. You think you're lazy. You might even mistrust your own sanity. It can't be that difficult to pick one interest and stick with it, you think, everybody else is doing it too! So why can't you help but switch your major, get interested in things you should not get interested in, and go off-track all the time? Why do you lack concentration like this? How can it happen that you get deadly fed up with your deepest passion at times? You feel weak and completely out of control. When you try to learn discipline and to prevent yourself from going off on a tangent, you get unbearably bored, you suffer, and your productivity drops because you procrastinate like hell.
I switched majors five or six times when I was a student, and left university after many years without any diploma. I studied literature, physics, maths, computer science, law and business, and attended additional classes in psychology, theater, cinema, history, russian, chinese... It was great! I loved it, and learned a lot of very interesting things. And most of the time I wasn't allowed to take the exams because I had failed to submit my work regularly.
I couldn't stand engaging in the same activity all day long, or even every day. This alone would not have been that much of a problem, after all I was talented enough to study only half of the time and still succeed. But I also had the coercive need to ignore my studies for several weeks in a row from time to time, in order to implement other completely unrelated ideas, or to explore some fascinating questions related to my studies that popped into my mind but unfortunately weren't part of the program. This need definitely wasn't compatible with studying.
Before discovering that I'm a scanner, these repeated failures broke my heart. Especially in the case of maths and computer science that I really loved very much. I used to beat myself up a lot for what I thought was a flaw. Now that I know myself better, I can see how being a scanner is a strength and a blessing, not a flaw.
In case what I'm saying resonates with you in some way, don't beat yourself up. Maybe you're just a scanner! Welcome to the Club. :-)
How to get things done as a scanner?
First of all, it IS possible to be productive if you're a scanner. I bet most problems with not completing projects, procrastinating, and so on, stem from a lack of knowledge and/or acceptance of your scanner nature. You lose motivation when you try to force yourself into a specialist's role, when you try by all means to do only one thing at the time and to finish this thing once you begin with it. It's normal that you procrastinate and lose interest then, because this is just not who you are. Working like a specialist is for a scanner a highly ineffective way to work. But if you respect the way you function and organize yourself accordingly, then my bet is that you can very well be productive!
Conventional time management systems aren't really appropriate for scanners. We usually don't implement a project from A to Z in a linear way. We need to do many things at the same time. Working on several projects simultaneously doesn't prevent us from being productive. On the contrary, I've found it to be much more effective. I work more and also more efficiently when I allow myself to freely switch between my projects as often as I feel like switching and to neglect some of them for a while. I usually don't work on the same project on two consecutive days, and I never work on a project for longer than two hours at a single blow.
Barbara Sher developed or gathered from fellow scanners who invented them many awesome organizational tools for scanners that she shares in her book. For each type of scanner there are even particular time management techniques, life plans and job suggestions. I love some of her ideas. Generally, her more right-brained approach inspired me when I planned my new system. If you recognize yourself as a scanner, working with her tools can change your life and boost your productivity like crazy. I highly recommend to read the book. (Edit: a kitchen timer might help, too!)
The scanner's daybook
One tool that she recommends to all scanners is the scanner's daybook. It's some kind of journal to keep track of all your ideas, all your finished and unfinished projects, and of your development as a scanner. My scanner's daybook changed my life!
First, writing in it brought me an incredible relief. At last all those ideas crowding my head got out of there! The anxiety disappeared because I wasn't afraid of forgetting something anymore. The ideas were safe, they were written black on white on the page, I knew they couldn't escape anymore. I got more peaceful. It also was a big relief not to feel the need to implement all of those ideas anymore. I learned to appreciate them for what they are: ideas. I could look at them and think "oh wow, I'm creative, I have so many great ideas!" without getting nervous or thinking that an idea is worthless if no implementation follows. In that sense, writing in my scanner's daybook was a boost for my self-esteem, too.
Second, a scanner's daybook brings many insights. I learned a lot about myself! I thought I was a serial scanner (a sampler), but after journaling for a few weeks, I realized that I'm more of a cyclical scanner (a sybil). Of course I enjoy discovering new things, and I do things that I'll never do anymore. But when I look at all those ideas that I found worthy of writing down, it's quite obvious that many of them are, for example, about doing something creative, be it singing, dancing, writing, designing my own clothes or making sculptures. And many of them are related to personal development: creating PD related websites and eBooks, learning new languages, joining Toastmasters or starting a local PD club. Those I emotionally most resonate with are all about animals in some way: adopting a dog, teaching children how to communicate with animals, having a farm where old or sick animals could live in peace instead of getting killed, and so on. So even though all these projects are very different, it all boils down to only three major areas of interest. Oh wow, this was a big revelation!
Third, the scanner's daybook will help you create your reality and implement your ideas. Since I write in it, I experience many synchronicities related to my projects, even those I don't really think about. Before using the daybook, I had to remember everything and concretely take action on every single project. It was quite tiring. Now everything gets implemented simultaneously and I don't need to remember anything because the opportunities just show up. It doesn't feel like I'm the one implementing my ideas and making it happen. It rather feels like the Universe orchestrates what I write about in my scanner's daybook. I take action not because I decidedly want to but because the opportunity arises and I'm by chance there to catch it. Things just seem to happen and I witness how they happen. It's awesome. The scanner's daybook has a huge creative power!
Goals setting for scanners
If you have many goals, don't tackle them sequentially. Pursue them all at the same time. They will empower each other. Open your scanner's daybook, let your imagination soar and have fun writing everything down. Draw sketches if needed. Then close your book and take the right next inspired action. It doesn't matter to which goal this action belongs. It will all unfold magically :-)
It doesn't matter how many goals you have. You can do it all. Refuse to choose! ;-)
I realize this post is something like a book review of Refuse to Choose!. I'm going to create a new category called Book Reviews and post it in there too. Oh, this gives me the idea of reviewing other great books as well! I already know which ones I'd review. There is this one, and that one... where's my scanner's daybook??
;-)
(Edit: the category Book Reviews became the tag book reviews.)
What the fuck is a scanner?
A scanner is the contrary of a specialist. Scanners are unable to choose one single passion or career, and if they force themselves to do so, they suffer (and their productivity suffers, too). Scanners don't have only one field of interest, they have many of them. They seem to be interested in just everything. They usually have many projects running at the same time, and permanently come up with some great new idea. They also tend not to implement their ideas or not to finish the projects they start.
A scanner is the kind of guy who works with disabled children, studies physics at the distance learning university, learns japanese, draws comics and reads everything he can find about archeology. But it's not like having a job and then a few additional hobbies. The difference between a true scanner and a specialist with hobbies is that for the scanner, nothing is a "hobby". For a scanner, all those things he's interested in are equally important and he just cannot focus mainly or spend most of his time on only one of them, which would be required to do it as his career.
The word "scanner" comes from the book Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher. It's a book about scanners and for scanners, to help them cope with life & career without denying the scanner in them. I totally love this book, it has changed my life.
Cyclical scanners vs. serial scanners
Barbara Sher describes different kinds of scanners she identified. The main distinction she makes is between cyclical scanners and serial scanners.
Cyclical scanners have many but stable interests and passions (from 2 to 20+), and they oscillate periodically between all of those. For example a cyclical scanner is someone who starts a painting, then suddenly abandons it to program a computer game. Halfway through the programming work, he goes back to his painting, or starts a new painting. He finishes it, or not, and goes back to program his game. This way he spends his time alternating between programming and painting. In parallel to all this, he may regularly take classes to become a massage therapist.
Serial scanners on the other hand don't go back to a project once they have moved on. They do everything once and never look back. A serial scanner could for example work in a wholefood shop for six months, then quit and take classes in creative writing. After writing a screenplay, or only half of it, she loses interest and volunteers at an orphanage in India for a few months. When she comes back, she starts a business as a self-employed graphic designer. And so on.
Of course most of us are a mix of cyclical and serial scanner to some extent. There are many kinds of scanners out there. What we all have in common is that we hate to pick just one interest and concentrate on it for a long period of time.
What's a "long" period of time is relative. The other criterium Sher uses to classify scanners is their attention span. Among both cyclical and serial scanners, some are able to focus on the same field for a long time, like the serial specialists, who can stick with one career for years till they master it, and then go look for a new challenge. Others switch interests very rapidly. The high-speed indecisives for example always find something more interesting to do after, say, two minutes.
How a scanner ticks
Being a scanner is socially unacceptable nowadays. We are all being drilled to be specialists. As you can imagine, a behavior like the above examples makes it difficult to get a job, to earn a living, or to study. We're often said to be lazy, unstable or weird. In any case we're highly suspect.
That's because most people don't understand how a scanner ticks. When scanners quit, they ARE done. They have gotten what they were looking for, the point is just that what satisfies them is not necessarily what other people would call being done. Scanners all have a good reason to do what they do and to quit when they quit. This reason varies from individual to individual, so each one of us has to find out what keeps him/her going (in both senses).
Some scanners are extremely curious and just want to understand how something works. Once they've figured out how it works, they get bored and quit.
Others get bored and quit when completing the project is only a matter of time and regular effort, but not a matter of developing artful strategies and overcoming challenging difficulties anymore. That's the case for me, for example. When the road to success looks like a highway, damn is that boring. Bye bye!
Some want to discover new things in order to compare, classify and store them in their head like in a big database. I tried out half a dozen martial arts because I enjoyed comparing their tenets and techniques, with no intention of learning any of them in depth.
For some scanners, working somewhere is a way of experiencing other people's lives. They want to know how it feels to be a baker/teacher/accountant/actor, so that's what they do for a little while, but only till they know how it is. That's the reason why I accumulate foreign languages. You don't think in English like you think in German. Learning a new language for me is a way to experience being someone else.
These are some reasons I can identify with, but there are many many more of them. Each scanner has his/her own motivation to do what they do.
Undiagnosed scanners
Undiagnosed scanners are poor devils. I know because I was one of them for many years. When you're a scanner and you don't know that you're a scanner, it's really difficult. You try to pick one thing and stick with it, but you fail. And try again. And fail again. You beat yourself up for being that inconsistent. You think you're lazy. You might even mistrust your own sanity. It can't be that difficult to pick one interest and stick with it, you think, everybody else is doing it too! So why can't you help but switch your major, get interested in things you should not get interested in, and go off-track all the time? Why do you lack concentration like this? How can it happen that you get deadly fed up with your deepest passion at times? You feel weak and completely out of control. When you try to learn discipline and to prevent yourself from going off on a tangent, you get unbearably bored, you suffer, and your productivity drops because you procrastinate like hell.
I switched majors five or six times when I was a student, and left university after many years without any diploma. I studied literature, physics, maths, computer science, law and business, and attended additional classes in psychology, theater, cinema, history, russian, chinese... It was great! I loved it, and learned a lot of very interesting things. And most of the time I wasn't allowed to take the exams because I had failed to submit my work regularly.
I couldn't stand engaging in the same activity all day long, or even every day. This alone would not have been that much of a problem, after all I was talented enough to study only half of the time and still succeed. But I also had the coercive need to ignore my studies for several weeks in a row from time to time, in order to implement other completely unrelated ideas, or to explore some fascinating questions related to my studies that popped into my mind but unfortunately weren't part of the program. This need definitely wasn't compatible with studying.
Before discovering that I'm a scanner, these repeated failures broke my heart. Especially in the case of maths and computer science that I really loved very much. I used to beat myself up a lot for what I thought was a flaw. Now that I know myself better, I can see how being a scanner is a strength and a blessing, not a flaw.
In case what I'm saying resonates with you in some way, don't beat yourself up. Maybe you're just a scanner! Welcome to the Club. :-)
How to get things done as a scanner?
First of all, it IS possible to be productive if you're a scanner. I bet most problems with not completing projects, procrastinating, and so on, stem from a lack of knowledge and/or acceptance of your scanner nature. You lose motivation when you try to force yourself into a specialist's role, when you try by all means to do only one thing at the time and to finish this thing once you begin with it. It's normal that you procrastinate and lose interest then, because this is just not who you are. Working like a specialist is for a scanner a highly ineffective way to work. But if you respect the way you function and organize yourself accordingly, then my bet is that you can very well be productive!
Conventional time management systems aren't really appropriate for scanners. We usually don't implement a project from A to Z in a linear way. We need to do many things at the same time. Working on several projects simultaneously doesn't prevent us from being productive. On the contrary, I've found it to be much more effective. I work more and also more efficiently when I allow myself to freely switch between my projects as often as I feel like switching and to neglect some of them for a while. I usually don't work on the same project on two consecutive days, and I never work on a project for longer than two hours at a single blow.
Barbara Sher developed or gathered from fellow scanners who invented them many awesome organizational tools for scanners that she shares in her book. For each type of scanner there are even particular time management techniques, life plans and job suggestions. I love some of her ideas. Generally, her more right-brained approach inspired me when I planned my new system. If you recognize yourself as a scanner, working with her tools can change your life and boost your productivity like crazy. I highly recommend to read the book. (Edit: a kitchen timer might help, too!)
The scanner's daybook
One tool that she recommends to all scanners is the scanner's daybook. It's some kind of journal to keep track of all your ideas, all your finished and unfinished projects, and of your development as a scanner. My scanner's daybook changed my life!
First, writing in it brought me an incredible relief. At last all those ideas crowding my head got out of there! The anxiety disappeared because I wasn't afraid of forgetting something anymore. The ideas were safe, they were written black on white on the page, I knew they couldn't escape anymore. I got more peaceful. It also was a big relief not to feel the need to implement all of those ideas anymore. I learned to appreciate them for what they are: ideas. I could look at them and think "oh wow, I'm creative, I have so many great ideas!" without getting nervous or thinking that an idea is worthless if no implementation follows. In that sense, writing in my scanner's daybook was a boost for my self-esteem, too.
Second, a scanner's daybook brings many insights. I learned a lot about myself! I thought I was a serial scanner (a sampler), but after journaling for a few weeks, I realized that I'm more of a cyclical scanner (a sybil). Of course I enjoy discovering new things, and I do things that I'll never do anymore. But when I look at all those ideas that I found worthy of writing down, it's quite obvious that many of them are, for example, about doing something creative, be it singing, dancing, writing, designing my own clothes or making sculptures. And many of them are related to personal development: creating PD related websites and eBooks, learning new languages, joining Toastmasters or starting a local PD club. Those I emotionally most resonate with are all about animals in some way: adopting a dog, teaching children how to communicate with animals, having a farm where old or sick animals could live in peace instead of getting killed, and so on. So even though all these projects are very different, it all boils down to only three major areas of interest. Oh wow, this was a big revelation!
Third, the scanner's daybook will help you create your reality and implement your ideas. Since I write in it, I experience many synchronicities related to my projects, even those I don't really think about. Before using the daybook, I had to remember everything and concretely take action on every single project. It was quite tiring. Now everything gets implemented simultaneously and I don't need to remember anything because the opportunities just show up. It doesn't feel like I'm the one implementing my ideas and making it happen. It rather feels like the Universe orchestrates what I write about in my scanner's daybook. I take action not because I decidedly want to but because the opportunity arises and I'm by chance there to catch it. Things just seem to happen and I witness how they happen. It's awesome. The scanner's daybook has a huge creative power!
Goals setting for scanners
If you have many goals, don't tackle them sequentially. Pursue them all at the same time. They will empower each other. Open your scanner's daybook, let your imagination soar and have fun writing everything down. Draw sketches if needed. Then close your book and take the right next inspired action. It doesn't matter to which goal this action belongs. It will all unfold magically :-)
It doesn't matter how many goals you have. You can do it all. Refuse to choose! ;-)
I realize this post is something like a book review of Refuse to Choose!. I'm going to create a new category called Book Reviews and post it in there too. Oh, this gives me the idea of reviewing other great books as well! I already know which ones I'd review. There is this one, and that one... where's my scanner's daybook??
;-)
(Edit: the category Book Reviews became the tag book reviews.)
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