Give Up! You Can Never Get It Right Anyway

There will always be people who don't like you - so instead of trying to please those around you, you better be boldly yourself and attract more suitable people into your life.



When I had my hair completely shaved off for over a year, some men found that extremely sexy. For others it was a huge turn-off. Some people told me with admiration that my shaved head looked great, and others frowned and said it was damn ugly. Some thought I was really cool for shaving my head as a woman, others found it unfeminine, inappropriate, a pity, a shame.

No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you behave, no matter what you look like, there will always be people who like you, and people who dislike you. There will always be people who approve of you, and people who disapprove of you.

It is impossible to please everybody. Impossible to ever get it right. No matter how much you try, you will always have it wrong anyway. Somewhere, someone will not like what you are.

The good news is that somewhere, someone always will also love what you are.

We can try to fit in, guess what the people around us want, and please them. We can also invest our energy into attracting people who love what we are, and let go of the others. Sounds like a much smarter move to me.

Being Ourselves is Smarter

When we bend ourselves to suit others, they feel that incongruency in us. Something about us does not feel quite right, even if they don't know what. That is not attractive. You won't be very successful that way, and the people you'll attract will be people who are not fully aligned with integrity and authenticity themselves. Like attracts like. Do you want to be in relationships with such people?

Doing things that are not who we truly are at our core costs a lot of energy. It is tiring, it makes us unhappy. We don't feel as fulfilled as we do when we allow ourselves to freely express our soul.

Bold self-expression, happiness and personal fulfillment are keys to attracting loving people into our life. People love people who are happy and fulfilled. It makes them happy as well. Such an energy is contagious. But you can't be really happy when you betray yourself.

Most of all, people love people who are uncompromisingly themselves. I guess it comes across as self-confident, courageous, independent and original, all of which is attractive. But I bet it is more than that. We just feel it when someone is being in touch with their true self. Such individuals shine a light that cannot be replaced by anything else.

Not to mention that our quirks and flaws often are some of the most charming facets of our character! The world would be poorer for our not sharing them.

How can you boldly express yourself today? :-)

Are you Afraid of Hurting Others when Being Spontaneous?

People sometimes ask me "But Rose! I'd love to be more spontaneous. But then, what if I offend the other person by saying something hurtful, like that they're fat or that their idea is stupid?". What an inspiring question! I had to write about that!
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First off, as I said in my previous post, you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. If they choose to feel offended or hurt, that is their choice, whether they like it or not. Nothing is "offensive" or "hurtful" in itself. They make it so by deciding what it means to them (or about them). What other people decide is none of your business. And trying to protect them from getting hurt is disrespectful towards them.

In that sense, you can be 100% honest and spontaneous and blurt out whatever pops up into your mind, without any concern about other people's egos.
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Now if you're afraid that, if you really applied this, you'd hurt and offend a lot of people - then I wonder: why do you think such bad things about other people in the first place?
If you meet someone who's overweight, you can think that they're fat. But you could also notice what a nice smile they have, or how passionate they are about their work. You could also notice that they have an obvious health problem and are overweight. Still doesn't mean you have to call them "fat" in your head.
Same if someone tells you about their idea. Instead of finding it stupid, you could try to understand where they come from, how they see it, what this idea means to them and how they came up with it. Then from stupid, it becomes interesting. You don't have to do anything with this idea, therefore you also don't have to attach any value to it.
Nobody forces you to go around judging and despising people. Who says you have to figure out how "good" or "bad" all the things around you are? You don't have to engage with them if they don't resonate with you. So, you can simply perceive them, with curiosity, and let them be, the way they are, without attaching any labels or values to them.
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Then you can be as spontaneous and honest as you want, people won't be offended! Especially not if you spontaneously say lots of positive things. Why would they get hurt because you love their smile, think they are very nice or do a great job?
In case this is not the kind of things you would spontaneously express, why do you focus on negative things? You're free to choose what you focus on. You can choose to notice the bad things about others, to criticize and judge them - or you can choose to see all the good and beautiful and interesting in them. The latter is way more fun anyway.
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There is another reason for focusing on the positive in others: the way we treat others is usually a reflection of the way we treat ourselves. If you go around mentally insulting others, chances are good that you display this same internal violence towards yourself. I bet you also tend to focus on the negative stuff in the world and life in general. This makes you an overall negative person, one who is energetically poisonous, who is unattractive and tortures themselves with lots of negative feelings.
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So basically, my answer is: if you are afraid of hurting others when being spontaneous, then love and accept yourself more. :-) Focus on the positives, see the beauty in yourself and in others, and then you can be as spontaneous as you want, you won't hurt anybody.
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As for the fear itself, what is it exactly that you are afraid of? What is bad about others getting hurt? What does it mean about you, what would be the consequences for you? Would you be a bad person? Are you afraid they would reject or abandon you? That you would be alone? That they would think bad things about you? What is it?
What if what you say offends others? That's a good question really. What if?
So what?