Are you Afraid of Hurting Others when Being Spontaneous?

People sometimes ask me "But Rose! I'd love to be more spontaneous. But then, what if I offend the other person by saying something hurtful, like that they're fat or that their idea is stupid?". What an inspiring question! I had to write about that!
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First off, as I said in my previous post, you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. If they choose to feel offended or hurt, that is their choice, whether they like it or not. Nothing is "offensive" or "hurtful" in itself. They make it so by deciding what it means to them (or about them). What other people decide is none of your business. And trying to protect them from getting hurt is disrespectful towards them.

In that sense, you can be 100% honest and spontaneous and blurt out whatever pops up into your mind, without any concern about other people's egos.
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Now if you're afraid that, if you really applied this, you'd hurt and offend a lot of people - then I wonder: why do you think such bad things about other people in the first place?
If you meet someone who's overweight, you can think that they're fat. But you could also notice what a nice smile they have, or how passionate they are about their work. You could also notice that they have an obvious health problem and are overweight. Still doesn't mean you have to call them "fat" in your head.
Same if someone tells you about their idea. Instead of finding it stupid, you could try to understand where they come from, how they see it, what this idea means to them and how they came up with it. Then from stupid, it becomes interesting. You don't have to do anything with this idea, therefore you also don't have to attach any value to it.
Nobody forces you to go around judging and despising people. Who says you have to figure out how "good" or "bad" all the things around you are? You don't have to engage with them if they don't resonate with you. So, you can simply perceive them, with curiosity, and let them be, the way they are, without attaching any labels or values to them.
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Then you can be as spontaneous and honest as you want, people won't be offended! Especially not if you spontaneously say lots of positive things. Why would they get hurt because you love their smile, think they are very nice or do a great job?
In case this is not the kind of things you would spontaneously express, why do you focus on negative things? You're free to choose what you focus on. You can choose to notice the bad things about others, to criticize and judge them - or you can choose to see all the good and beautiful and interesting in them. The latter is way more fun anyway.
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There is another reason for focusing on the positive in others: the way we treat others is usually a reflection of the way we treat ourselves. If you go around mentally insulting others, chances are good that you display this same internal violence towards yourself. I bet you also tend to focus on the negative stuff in the world and life in general. This makes you an overall negative person, one who is energetically poisonous, who is unattractive and tortures themselves with lots of negative feelings.
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So basically, my answer is: if you are afraid of hurting others when being spontaneous, then love and accept yourself more. :-) Focus on the positives, see the beauty in yourself and in others, and then you can be as spontaneous as you want, you won't hurt anybody.
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As for the fear itself, what is it exactly that you are afraid of? What is bad about others getting hurt? What does it mean about you, what would be the consequences for you? Would you be a bad person? Are you afraid they would reject or abandon you? That you would be alone? That they would think bad things about you? What is it?
What if what you say offends others? That's a good question really. What if?
So what?

Soul Realignment is Scary!

Speaking of fear, this reminds me that I've been experiencing a lot of it since I began with my Soul Realignment practitioner training.

Soul Realignment is totally changing the way I see the world at the moment. A lot of things that I didn't understand before start making a lot of sense now. I can also see how incredibly useful and valuable it can be to others that I am allowed to check out and clear their soul record. When I see the blocks and restrictions that I find there, I can imagine how much easier life will be for them after this crap is gone.

At the same time, with greater power comes greater responsibility, and that is scary. What if I do something wrong, huh? What if I'm not good enough as a psychic?

Also, for someone with a rational and non-religious background like me, Soul Realignment is totally out-there. I'm comfortable with talking to spirit guides. But Soul Realignment is three levels higher on the sci-fi scale. I'm still weirded out by some of the things I'm learning.

For example, soul groups of origination. I have learned that different souls come from different places in the Universe, and that the energy of these places affects us so much that it becomes a relevant aspect of our personality when we incarnate. It also partly determines our life purpose and explains a lot about the way we feel and behave and the things happening to us.

The background of some of these groups and the stories about how they came to Earth is so fantastic that sometimes I think I must be nutty as a fruitcake for believing it. Yet I do! It just makes so much sense. I have long noticed that some of the people around me have a similar "feel" to them. I couldn't quite explain it, but in some subtle way they just feel similar, even though they have different personalities. And now I found out that they belong to the same soul group! And that this soul group's background is a good explanation for many things about them. Holy shit!

Aside from intergalactic wars, spaceships and parallel universes, I also learn about astral planes, curses, ghosts, etheric implants and all kinds of other wondrous stuff. I'm psyched.

Becoming a Soul Realignment practitioner is like entering a whole new world. I admit that I'm terrified!!! And also very, very excited. I can't wait to see what my practice clients will say when I'll explain to them what I found in their soul record, how this might affect their lives, and what they can do about it.

That too is damn scary. What if they totally don't relate to what I'm saying? Argh.

Is it Safe to Trust Everybody?

I recently shared some useful beliefs. One of them was "I trust everybody". In a comment, lovely Andrew asked me if it is safe to have such a belief.

Yes, it is safe. It is safe because we are safe at all times, unless we make ourselves unsafe by choice.

If you ask me, I'd even say that we can only be fully safe if we fully trust.
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Wondering if it is safe to trust everybody implies two things.

It implies that if someone deceives us, lies to us, doesn't keep their word, doesn't fulfill our expectations, lets us down, takes advantage of us, etc., in short, if someone behaves in a way that we think is not okay and breaks our trust, then this can actually hurt us. Nobody would wonder whether it is safe or not to trust others if safety were not an issue, so this implies that other people's actions have the power to seriously affect us.

It also implies that the more you trust others, the greater the risk. Like, trusting a few people is safe, but everybody? Again, nobody would ask this question without the assumption that the more unconditionally you trust, or the more people you trust, especially without knowing them, the higher the probability that you could get hurt.

I disagree with both of these assumptions.
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Other people's actions cannot hurt me unless I allow them to do so. I know that I am the creator of my own feelings and that I am free to choose how I react to whatever situation shows up in my life.

Seen this way, even when others break my trust and deceive me, lie to me, let me down or take advantage of me and so on, I still have the choice to let this affect me, or not. In case shit happens, I know I can take it. Therefore, trusting others is not any more risky than not trusting them. I am safe either way.

Besides, does shit never happen to people who don't trust others easily? I highly doubt that. In my experience, the contrary is the case. We see what we believe. When we are full of fear and believe that others are out to screw us over, then that is what tends to happen to us.

The probability of having shit happen to us is much higher when we are full of shit inside. Like attracts like. The more we let go of the fear and make the choice to trust, the lower the probability that we will be proven wrong. Trusting greatly contributes to our safety. There will be less shit inside that could attract the shit outside.
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My "100% trust is default"-policy works great for me. I have found that the people in my life tend to be absolutely trustworthy and fair. I often get surprisingly much from them; more than I expect. I cannot even remember the last time I felt intentionally taken advantage of or deceived.

From time to time, someone unintentionally does something to me that I find is not okay. When this happens, I re-evaluate my relationship with them. I might completely let go of it, or reconfigure it, or just continue without changing anything. I do this only once something has happened, though. Why would I mistrust someone preventively? This is an absurd idea.
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Some people believe that trust is something that one needs to build. Preferably slowly. Something that we need to earn by repeatedly proving our loyalty and reliability, before we get the privilege of being trusted. They believe that we should not trust people we don't know. More generally, we should not open up to or rely on anybody without being assured that we won't get hurt, disappointed or taken advantage of as a result. Like, let's not trust in order not to fall on our nose.

Such an attitude does not serve us. It's a way of trying to avoid risk by controlling our external life circumstances. Trying to control what we are scared of is futile. It just doesn't work.

Obviously, mistrusting others is by no means a guarantee that no shit will ever happen. If you let your well-being depend on other people's actions, you are fundamentally unsafe anyway, no matter how much or how little you trust others and no matter how well you succeed in avoiding opportunities to get challenged.

Trying to avoid risk means seeing ourselves as vulnerable and not trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever we might get confronted with. That's a very weakening message that we send to ourselves.
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The cautious attitude is based on lots of fears. These fears not only attract a lot of shit that would not happen to us if we didn't have the fears in the first place. They also prevent us from relaxing and opening up. They prevent love from flowing freely. The resulting feeling of connection to others is suboptimal. When you don't fully trust, you cannot fully love.

Only when we let go of control and fear and trust others unconditionally can we be open enough to experience love in all its warm magnificence. Are you ready for that? :-)

What is Fear?

Have you ever asked yourself what fear is exactly? Tonight, a wonderful person wrote on Facebook that "Fear is cancer of the mind". Got me thinking!

I believe that fear is not something that exists. It's only the absence of something that exists: love. Every time I experience fear, when I look deep inside, I can spot some lack of love somewhere. We get these anxious feelings and suffer when we are being disconnected from love. We call this state fear, but actually there is nothing to give a name to.

Fear is an impostor. Have you ever heard of these defenseless, harmless animals in the jungle who are able to mimic other, dangerous or poisonous species to impress their predators and avoid getting eaten? That's how I see fear too. It shows up wearing its disguise, like "Ho-ho-ho, I am the big bad wolf!!" and wants you to be scared. But the thing is, when you pull its beard instead of running away, it bursts like a bubble and dissolves! Poof!

Fear is an illusion. For a long time, I thought if I didn't listen to my fear, it would become reality. It was something like a superstition: "Oh my God, if I don't take it seriously, it will happen!". But I was wrong! When I tried it out, nothing happened at all.

Fear is a choice. Fear does a great job at trying to convince you that you'd better listen to it. It wants your attention and energy. However, you don't have to dwell on fearful thoughts. When they arise, you're free to say "No thanks!" and let go of them in peace. Fear would be delighted if you forgot this.

Even though fear feels ugly and repulsive, it just wants to be loved. Just like those masters of camouflage and mimicry in the jungle, behind its scary disguise fear is a cute, lovable creature. That's not surprising, since you are a cute, lovable creature, and fear is you.

Fear is just a particular state of being that we are in sometimes. It's an energy that we can create within ourselves and radiate, but also stop resonating with in a heartbeat - just like any other energy. We call it a negative energy because when we allow ourselves to engage with it, we block the flow of love through us and create disharmony in ourselves as well as in the world.

So, at this time I see fear as an energetic state of being, a choice, an illusion, an aspect of myself and ultimately a lack of love. What is fear according to you? :-)