Diet: New Direction

I went back to 80/10/10 last week (was too busy to blog about it), and failed again on the weekend. This is clearly not working for me. So what to do now? I can keep failing until the end of my life, but I actually have more interesting projects to put my energy into. So, I need to tackle this issue differently.

I asked my spirit guides for input and inspiration. I especially asked them what actions I could take that would help me stick to a diet that is healthy for me. Here is what I came up with:

1) Shift in Mindset and Attitude

It's time for me to let go of my aggressive attitude. I got great results with it when I quit smoking, but that was six years ago. I was a completely different person back then. Maybe the old method simply does not work for the new me. I feel it's time for me to apply my non-violent, peaceful attitude also to food.

I resist this change quite a lot. I have years and years of struggle and war against food behind me. I remember writing to Eduardo that being TOO zen bores me. Now is the time to make peace and learn that it is not boring.

I am excellent at shifting my mindset and transforming myself, so I guess this will be easy. From now on, my interaction with food, any food, will happen in a spirit of peace and healing.

2) Intuitive Eating

My intuition tells me to listen to my intuition when it comes to choosing my food, and not to some theories from someone else. After all, I'm a psychic. I rely on my intuition for everything else, why not for food?

I already did an intuitive eating trial in February. It led to huge binges! I was able to clearly hear my intuition, but was unable to follow it, and ate addictive trigger foods instead. But then again, I still had this combative attitude in February. Let's see if the change in mindset will make a difference.

Aside from this food related input, I also got some ideas from my spirit guides that are not directly related to diet. But as you know, intuition is logical. ;)

3) New Hobbies

They advise me to get some new hobbies. Especially activities involving nonhuman animals in some way. I don't know yet what I will do.

4) Driver's License

I have no clue why, but they seem to think that getting my driver's license would help me stick to a healthy diet.

5) First Aid Class

Similarly, they recommend that I take a first aid course.

How exciting! Looking forward to seeing where all this will lead! :-)

811rv: Days 3, 4 and -1 - Nerves Management

Day 3 was really difficult. I spent the day out of the house with a group of people, some of which I barely knew and some I didn't know at all. It was all very nice - just too much input for me. After a few hours, I got a huge headache and would have loved to go away. I felt tempted to eat a sandwich, not because I wanted a sandwich, but because I knew the bread and fat would numb me out and help me to cope with the situation. But I managed (it's a miracle) to stick to my diet. I didn't eat enough, though. I just had no peace for that.

Most of the day I ran on my emergency batteries just trying to get by. I came home in the evening in a state of great distress and with huge cravings for guacamole, fatty salad, fried mushrooms à la sauce Béchamel and similar things.When I came home my grandma was cooking in the kitchen. That was really difficult. Later I ate with my parents. Munching on my lettuce without dressing while they were eating their deliciously smelling, fatty, salty pumpkin soup was some kind of torture too. I went to bed with a raging headache and cravings.

That night I slept really bad and dreamed that I had sex with three ugly, dangerous, kinda reptilian-like blue monsters that were sent by an obnoxious villain to kill me. I woke up very disturbed.

Days 4 and 5 were better, although I was still feeling weak, vulnerable and in need for protection. I tried to spend as much time as possible alone and in silence. But I also made mistakes. I allowed myself to get caught in some very unpleasant and exhausting situations, like eating with my parents while they were listening to the news, or listening to a rant against our government, that I was too much of a nervous wreck to stop.

When I came home today, the first thing I did was to run to the shop and buy two huge bags of fatty starchy comfort foods (mashed potatoes, cake...). Then I spent several hours eating.

Lesson:

My own responsibility. I should have managed my nerves better.

When people talk about emotional eating, I usually shrug and think this does not apply to me. I'm great at dealing with my emotions without needing food for that thank you very much. But I realize that I use fatty food to regain some balance when my nerves are totally shot and I'm about to break down.

There are lots of situations in my past that I would never have survived without cooked food and for that I am deeply thankful. If I want to let go of it now, though, I can see that I need to change a lot of things about my attitude.

I must 1) avoid to stay in situations that are not good for my nerves, no matter what and 2) draw MUCH clearer boundaries. Even when it's my family or other lovely people. In the future, when some situation feels bad to me, I will just say "STOP" out loud. I won't tolerate this kind of thing anymore.

Additional Insight

My critical time is 2-6pm. Before 2pm I am barely hungry, one fruit smoothie is enough to keep me fit for the whole morning. After 6pm I have no appetite anymore and tend to go to bed very early. Between 2 and 6pm I am hungry as hell. That's also the time when I have cravings and am tempted to eat fat or cooked food. So instead of adopting a breakfast-lunch-dinner model, I'll have one meal early in the morning and then several meals in the afternoon. Should minimize risks.

What Next?

I'm taking the day off my dietary efforts tomorrow and will start over with Day 1 on Wednesday.

I WILL succeed. Even if I keep failing until the end of my life, I won't give up until I manage to stay on 80/10/10 for 365 days in a row. When I was horseback riding in my childhood, I learned that every time you fall, you need to get back on the horse immediately. And I'm stubborn as a donkey. ;)

811rv: Day 2 - Foraging

Everything great today again! Bananas, strawberries, mangoes, tomatoes, celery, and lots of greens. No overt fats.

When I started out on my raw journey, my mom bought a book about edible wild greens and flowers. This afternoon, we took the book and went for a walk to search for dinner. It was a lot of fun. I tested some stuff that was definitely not edible, hehehe. But we also found several kinds of edible yummy greens and made a big salad. It was great! I'm glad I had no dressing on it, this way I could fully appreciate the taste.

811rv: Day 1 - I jumped! :-)

So that's it, I jumped off the cliff!

Day 1 was perfectly successful, I ate nothing but raw fruit and veggies, which is probably closer to 90/5/5 than to 80/10/10.

I was grieving quite a lot. It felt like saying goodbye to something very important. Maybe the old me, maybe my previous relationship with food, I don't know. I felt very sad about my loss.

Another reason I was sad and grieving is that my computer died in the morning. RIP protein. :'( That's why I am writing this report one day late, on my mom's computer. I'm spending the weekend with my family. When I go back home after the weekend, the first thing I'll do is to buy a laptop. If anybody has any advice regarding laptop brands - Linux compatibility, it is welcome. ;)

At some point yesterday I was shopping for food and almost bought some bread. I had actually already decided that I would eat some bread. I was thinking "I'll write on my blog that I ate some bread and that I am giving up this stupid challenge! I don't care!". But for some reason, I just grabbed a bunch of bananas and checked out. Then I found myself on the street with my bananas, wondering what had happened.

This reminds me of when I quit smoking. It happened several times that my mind would decide to smoke again, but for some reason my body just wouldn't obey.

When I quit smoking, after jumping off the cliff I realized that I could fly. I'm curious to see how well I'll fly this time. :-)

Love to all. <3

811rv: Day 0/365 again - Dammit!

Darn. Failed right on the very first day.

Everything was going fine, then suddenly I went out, bought some canned beans with tomato sauce, half a baguette and a box of chocolate, and ate it all at once.

I have no clue why I did that. There was lots of raw food in the kitchen, and I wasn't even really hungry.

Maybe I'm just scared as hell? I feel now the same way I was feeling right before quitting smoking. It feels like being about to die. In some way the old me will die indeed. I can understand that I am scared of jumping off the cliff. But maybe that's just an excuse. I am dead addicted to cooked food.

I don't even feel upset at myself. My stomach is hurting and I feel sluggish, and just think "Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow".

I didn't eat enough (only about 500 calories worth of fruit). Tomorrow I'll try to eat more.

811rv: Day 0/365 - The Challenge!

I have decided to stick to 811rv for 365 days in a row and to blog about it.

811rv is a 100% raw, vegan, low-fat diet. "rv" stands for "raw vegan" and 811 stands for 80/10/10, which means getting at least 80% of our calories from carbs, at most 10% from protein, and at most 10% from fat.

My numerous dietary experiments in the last few years have clearly showed me that a 100% raw, vegan diet is by far the best way to go for me. As for low-fat, despite several attempts in the past I haven't been able to really try it out for more than a couple weeks so far, so I don't know if it is right for me or not - but my intuition keeps and keeps bringing me back to 80/10/10 again and again. I have decided to give it a serious shot this time.

I'll blog about it, daily at first, later probably less frequently. When I quit smoking, writing a daily public diary really helped me, so I'll do that here as well. Not for the accountability - I hate the word "accountability", I refuse to be accountable to anyone but myself - simply because when I write about it publicly, it pushes me to be the very best I can be to inspire others.

I expect this to be extremely difficult. Be prepared to seeing me cry, get angry as hell and freak out. ;)