Anti-Manipulation Mindset

Nobody can manipulate you if you don't allow it. If there is someone manipulating you, this means that you handed your power over to them. You probably didn't do it consciously, but you did it. It happened because your attitude is disempowering in some way.

Anti-manipulation techniques are nothing without the right mindset. If the way you think gives others power over you, no technique will help you in the long run. To defend yourself against manipulators, it is very helpful to shift your mindset. This means adopting different beliefs and attitudes that do not allow anybody to control you.

Here is some internal stuff that will make you STRONG when confronted to manipulators. :-)
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Take 100% responsibility for your feelings

You create your own feelings. What others do or say never causes your feelings directly. It just triggers them. What actually determines how you feel is your mindset: your beliefs, judgments and attitudes about the situation you are in.

Knowing this helps a lot in dealing with manipulators. When you think that others have the power to hurt you, you're helpless. Taking full responsibility for your feelings however gives you all your power back. Even if you're not able to control your feelings yet, even if some manipulator succeeds in triggering some unpleasant emotions in you, knowing that  you are actually the one creating those feelings, and that you have the power to change that, will make you a lot stronger.

Then you will know that they do not truly have any power over you. Their power is an illusion that you can free yourself from. When a manipulator’s subtext makes you feel bad, remember that on some level you just chose to feel bad. You can just as well choose not to let them impress you. You do have this choice.

When you practice taking full responsibility for your feelings, you will get better at choosing how you want to feel. And then, manipulators really have no power over you anymore.
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Screw guilt

If everybody is 100% responsible for their own feelings, this logically means that you are 0% responsible for other people's feelings. Other people create their own feelings. You can trigger them, but what they do with it is theirs to decide and has nothing to do with you.

Guilt is frequently used by manipulators to blackmail people. "If you don't do xyz, I will be sad." Well, too bad for them if they choose to feel sad! That's their problem, not yours.

Same with actions: you are NOT responsible for other people's actions. "If you don't do xyz, I will drink myself into a coma." Oh yeah? What they do with their life is their decision and none of your business.

In case you think that is heartless, I disagree. This is the most loving attitude I can think of. You don't do anybody a favor by taking the responsibility for their life away from them. Actually, it is highly disrespectful.

Don't feel guilty for other people's feelings or actions. Never. Also, don't feel guilty for your own decisions. Make clear and conscious choices according to your values, priorities and goals - and stand by them shamelessly. Guilt is a totally useless and draining feeling. Kick it out of your life.
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Get rid of fear

Along with guilt, another emotion that manipulators love to use for their own benefit is fear. If you are scared of something, it’s very easy for someone else to gain power over you. They just need to trigger your fear. They just need to suggest very subtly that what you fear could come true if you don’t do what they want – and you do it.

Facing and transcending your fears will make you much less vulnerable to manipulators. If you’re not afraid of losing your job, your boss will have a hard time using firing you as a threat to make you work overtime. If you’re not afraid of getting dumped or being single, you are much less likely to be a doormat in your relationship. If you’re not afraid of being unattractive, you won’t feel compelled to buy all the beauty products commercials try to sell you. And so on.

Fear is powerful. It’s not easy to “just” face and transcend it. What you can do as a first step is to become aware of it. When fear shows up, acknowledge it, say hello to it, call it by its name, and then just observe it. If a manipulator plays on your fear of something in order to control you, alone being aware of what's going on will help you.

Keep in mind that you create your fear, just as any other feeling. You have the choice not to take it seriously and not to react to it.
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Heal pain

I guess we all have some old pain hidden in an obscure closet in the cellar of our mind. Some manipulators are great at spotting such old pain and playing on this weakness to get what they want. For some people, being reminded of it is so extremely painful that they'd do anything just not to have this hot spot triggered. This makes them very, very vulnerable.

If you have such old pain in you, heal it. There are many methods. You can use EFT, talk about it with a psychotherapist, consult an energy healer, or work with a coach specialized in such issues. For example Angela is great in such matters.
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Be at peace with yourself

The lower your self-esteem, the easier you become a prey for manipulators. The more you have problems with yourself, the more you're vulnerable. If you think bad things about yourself, it’s easy for others to push those buttons. Only what you resonate with on some level can hurt you or have any power over you.

If for example you hate yourself for what you perceive as your laziness, then it’s very easy for a manipulator to insinuate that you would be lazy if you didn’t help them move on Saturday. You will go all defensive inside and resist this idea so much that you will probably help them. What?! Me, lazy? Not at all! Fuck. Now you need to prove, if only to yourself, that you're not lazy, or else you will hate yourself all weekend. And whoops, they got what they wanted. Easy, really.

Now if you are perfectly fine with being lazy, then if some bozo insinuates that you would be lazy if you didn’t help them move on Saturday… Yeah, so what? They have no power over you. You can freely choose what you want to do with your time. You can even tell them that you want to fully enjoy your grandiose laziness this weekend instead of helping them.

If you have no problem with the way you are at this time, nobody can use any of your self-perceived weaknesses to make you do what they want. When your attitude is “Yes! That’s how I am. So what?!”, manipulators have a hard time with you. So, accept yourself fully, as you are. I know this can be difficult, but if you succeed at it, you’re invulnerable!

Acceptance does not mean condoning or not changing anything. It simply means acknowledging what is, and accepting that you are in that place at this time. Doesn’t mean you cannot leave that place later.
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Cultivate detachment

Keep in mind that you are not the roles that you play or the things that you identify with. You are not your relationship with your lover. You are not your job. You are not a good son or a loving parent. You are you. All those things don't define you.

A lot of fear and guilt stems from our identification with things that do not truly belong to us. If you strongly identify with your job or marriage, then you’ll be very afraid of losing them. If you strongly identify as your mother’s son or as a helpful friend,  you’ll feel guilty when you don't behave accordingly. But if you recognize that you are not all that, it will be easier for you to let go of the fear or guilt.

You can never truly lose anything. We are all connected at all times. When things or people fade out of our life, you are still connected to them. And ten new things or people will show up in your reality instead. The Universe is infinitely abundant. All those things change nothing about who you are at your core anyway. You are at all time wonderful and whole. Whatever is, is, and is perfect. :-)
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This set of beliefs and attitudes is all about disallowing others to have any power over you. When confronted to a manipulator, always remember that they do not truly have any power over you. They cannot possibly control you if you don't allow them.

What has power over you is your belief that your feelings are caused by the situation you are in instead of by yourself. What also has power over you are your own fears, guilt, self-hate or attachment to roles and things outside of you. Fortunately, all this does not have any real power over you either! Only as much as you give it.

You can choose to give your power away - or you can choose to claim it back. You are free. :-)