How To Be Invulnerable to Affronts

Being "different" often means taking flak. How to deal properly with insults, verbal attacks, demeaning comments, or simply with non-constructive critics? And how not to get hurt by it? Here are a few tips on how to become invulnerable in such situations.

Never Take Anything Personally

That's one of my mottoes. Never take anything personally. When other people criticize, dislike, or attack you, that is an expression of their state of being, a manifestation of what is going on inside them. Others tend to dislike in you what they dislike about themselves. They see their beliefs either mirrored or challenged by you, that is what they criticize. They resist their own reality. They attack you because of the fear and insecurity inside of them. If they had no fear and no self-rejection whatsoever in their heart, if they felt completely safe and at peace with themselves, they would be at peace with you, too, and would not feel the need to belittle you.

It is interesting to observe how others react, it says so much about them! You can learn a lot about someone by just listening to what they say about you or about the world. So, when someone treats you in a way that you find hurtful or offensive, don't take it personally. It's not about you, it's about them.

Just switch perspectives and see where they are coming from. What must their world look like? What kind of values do they have? What pain, insecurity or fear can you perceive in the way they treat you? What is going on inside of them, that leads to such a behavior?

Over-analyzing other people's behavior is futile and irrelevant. What counts is how you respond, not why they do what they do. However, it can be really helpful to remember that what is happening is always primarily about them, not about you. Having a look at their perspective enables you to gain some distance and understanding.

Btw, this also applies the other way around, when you dislike or attack others, and it also applies for positive feedback, which also says a lot about the one giving it and is more about them than about you. Never take compliments personally either. ;)

See Everything as Feedback

Now when I say it is about them, not about you, that's not entirely correct. It does say a lot about you, too. Just not literally. When someone calls you lazy, it does not mean in the slightest that you are lazy. But it definitely means that you have some negative beliefs around being lazy, or this person, or this situation, etc.

Everything going on in your life is a reflection of your current energetic state of being and of your belief system. You get to see what you believe in. You also attract experiences that match your vibration. If something totally does not resonate with you at all, it cannot show up in your reality.

So, when you are confronted with critics, attacks, animosity etc.,

ask yourself what kinds of beliefs you have about yourself, other people, this person, the situation you are in, etc., that manifest this way. Where is the fear in you, where is the insecurity? Where are the negative thoughts about yourself?
Ask yourself why you attract such people and situations into your life, to begin with. Maybe you believe that this situation/project/goal would be very difficult - and that is how it manifests. Maybe you believe that the world is a harsh place to live in, or that other people are mean. And so on. There must be something in you that calls such experiences.
Also ask yourself what kind of vibrations you are currently sending out. Are you dwelling on negative thoughts, or in a bad place emotionally? Is there any aggressiveness or violence inside of you that the world mirrors back to you this way? Do you feel any contempt for others?

In short, what in you is a good match for what is happening to you? We reap what we sow. Everything is feedback, your whole life is a giant mirror. Look into the mirror. By becoming aware of what you reap, you learn about what you sow - and then you can choose different seeds. :-)

Heal your Belief System

The very best way I have found to become invulnerable is to change my beliefs, be it about others, about life and the world in general, and about myself.

Only the truth hurts. Or, to be more precise, only what you believe to be true can hurt you. If someone told you that you are ugly for having green hair, and you have no green hair, you would probably just think they are weird. Only what you think is true can touch you. If you have green hair but you think it's great to have green hair, someone telling you that you are ugly for having green hair would not hurt you either. Only what resonates with some painful judgment about yourself inside of you can cause you any damage.

For example, I have a problem with my being overweight. I'm currently working on that, so in a few months it won't be true anymore - but for now, it still is a huge issue for me. Incidentally, I have been repeatedly criticized in the past for being overweight, and it hurt like hell. That is NO coincidence! It is also no coincidence that I never get criticized for being, say, short. I am very short. The "perfect women"in the media are tall. Yet nobody ever tells me that I am too short. But too fat, yeah, even though I'm certainly not obese. Why? Because fat is exactly what I have a problem with, whereas I have no problem at all with being short. It would feel so weird to me to believe that being short is unattractive that this just never shows up in my reality.

When you heal your beliefs, especially your beliefs about yourself, what other people say to you or about you cannot hurt you anymore. They will even probably stop saying negative things anyway.

Not taking the affronts personally, seeing them as feedback about your belief system and vibrational state, and working on shifting both, that is the basis if you want to become invulnerable. I have worked so much on myself in the past that now, my overweight is the only weakness left that you can really hurt me with. (But not for long anymore! So if you want to insult me effectively, you better hurry up. :D )

Here are a few more things that help, additionally:

Approve of Yourself

Loving ourselves and approving of ourselves are two different things. I can love someone dearly, yet disapprove of their actions. Recently I have discovered how much it helps to approve of ourselves unconditionally. For example, it didn't help me with my overweight to love my body. I totally love my body! But I was still disapproving of its annoying fat storing habits. I feel so much better now that I approve of them! Yes, I approve of my body storing fat. :-)

Just try it out. Choose to approve of yourself, no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you make, no matter how <insert negative judgment about yourself here> you are. Look at yourself in a mirror and say out loud "I approve of myself! <Your first name>, I approve of you!". It feels great. :-)

Approving of yourself does not mean that you can never change anymore. It simply means acknowledging that you are always doing the very best you can with what you are given. That IS the case. So, approve of it. It will make you even more invulnerable. The more you approve of yourself, the less other people will feel the need to disapprove of you. :-)

Raise your Vibration

To not resonate anymore with bad stuff, raise your vibration! Do things that make you happy. Deliberately think thoughts that make you feel good. Focus on the positive, always on the positive, and always on what you like or want, never on what you dislike or don't want. Put some clean food into your body. Dance, sing and rejoice! Fall in love! Randomly tell someone something nice! Smile! Laugh! Send love to others! Hug!

Love and joy are the best shields there are. :-)

Respond with Love

At the beginning of this post, I wrote that when people criticize, insult, attack or offend you, that is because of some crappy stuff going on inside of them. Knowing this, you could send some love to them. Love heals everything, especially fear. You won't completely heal them by sending some love once, but it can only help. They might not notice, but they receive it. Aggressiveness is disharmony. Disharmony can be healed with lots of love. When you love them, you make them more loving and harmonious, and as a pleasant side-effect they will go around attacking others (including you) less.

Be loving to yourself and others, and your world will be loving too. :-)