How To Be Invulnerable to Affronts

Being "different" often means taking flak. How to deal properly with insults, verbal attacks, demeaning comments, or simply with non-constructive critics? And how not to get hurt by it? Here are a few tips on how to become invulnerable in such situations.

Never Take Anything Personally

That's one of my mottoes. Never take anything personally. When other people criticize, dislike, or attack you, that is an expression of their state of being, a manifestation of what is going on inside them. Others tend to dislike in you what they dislike about themselves. They see their beliefs either mirrored or challenged by you, that is what they criticize. They resist their own reality. They attack you because of the fear and insecurity inside of them. If they had no fear and no self-rejection whatsoever in their heart, if they felt completely safe and at peace with themselves, they would be at peace with you, too, and would not feel the need to belittle you.

It is interesting to observe how others react, it says so much about them! You can learn a lot about someone by just listening to what they say about you or about the world. So, when someone treats you in a way that you find hurtful or offensive, don't take it personally. It's not about you, it's about them.

Just switch perspectives and see where they are coming from. What must their world look like? What kind of values do they have? What pain, insecurity or fear can you perceive in the way they treat you? What is going on inside of them, that leads to such a behavior?

Over-analyzing other people's behavior is futile and irrelevant. What counts is how you respond, not why they do what they do. However, it can be really helpful to remember that what is happening is always primarily about them, not about you. Having a look at their perspective enables you to gain some distance and understanding.

Btw, this also applies the other way around, when you dislike or attack others, and it also applies for positive feedback, which also says a lot about the one giving it and is more about them than about you. Never take compliments personally either. ;)

See Everything as Feedback

Now when I say it is about them, not about you, that's not entirely correct. It does say a lot about you, too. Just not literally. When someone calls you lazy, it does not mean in the slightest that you are lazy. But it definitely means that you have some negative beliefs around being lazy, or this person, or this situation, etc.

Everything going on in your life is a reflection of your current energetic state of being and of your belief system. You get to see what you believe in. You also attract experiences that match your vibration. If something totally does not resonate with you at all, it cannot show up in your reality.

So, when you are confronted with critics, attacks, animosity etc.,

ask yourself what kinds of beliefs you have about yourself, other people, this person, the situation you are in, etc., that manifest this way. Where is the fear in you, where is the insecurity? Where are the negative thoughts about yourself?
Ask yourself why you attract such people and situations into your life, to begin with. Maybe you believe that this situation/project/goal would be very difficult - and that is how it manifests. Maybe you believe that the world is a harsh place to live in, or that other people are mean. And so on. There must be something in you that calls such experiences.
Also ask yourself what kind of vibrations you are currently sending out. Are you dwelling on negative thoughts, or in a bad place emotionally? Is there any aggressiveness or violence inside of you that the world mirrors back to you this way? Do you feel any contempt for others?

In short, what in you is a good match for what is happening to you? We reap what we sow. Everything is feedback, your whole life is a giant mirror. Look into the mirror. By becoming aware of what you reap, you learn about what you sow - and then you can choose different seeds. :-)

Heal your Belief System

The very best way I have found to become invulnerable is to change my beliefs, be it about others, about life and the world in general, and about myself.

Only the truth hurts. Or, to be more precise, only what you believe to be true can hurt you. If someone told you that you are ugly for having green hair, and you have no green hair, you would probably just think they are weird. Only what you think is true can touch you. If you have green hair but you think it's great to have green hair, someone telling you that you are ugly for having green hair would not hurt you either. Only what resonates with some painful judgment about yourself inside of you can cause you any damage.

For example, I have a problem with my being overweight. I'm currently working on that, so in a few months it won't be true anymore - but for now, it still is a huge issue for me. Incidentally, I have been repeatedly criticized in the past for being overweight, and it hurt like hell. That is NO coincidence! It is also no coincidence that I never get criticized for being, say, short. I am very short. The "perfect women"in the media are tall. Yet nobody ever tells me that I am too short. But too fat, yeah, even though I'm certainly not obese. Why? Because fat is exactly what I have a problem with, whereas I have no problem at all with being short. It would feel so weird to me to believe that being short is unattractive that this just never shows up in my reality.

When you heal your beliefs, especially your beliefs about yourself, what other people say to you or about you cannot hurt you anymore. They will even probably stop saying negative things anyway.

Not taking the affronts personally, seeing them as feedback about your belief system and vibrational state, and working on shifting both, that is the basis if you want to become invulnerable. I have worked so much on myself in the past that now, my overweight is the only weakness left that you can really hurt me with. (But not for long anymore! So if you want to insult me effectively, you better hurry up. :D )

Here are a few more things that help, additionally:

Approve of Yourself

Loving ourselves and approving of ourselves are two different things. I can love someone dearly, yet disapprove of their actions. Recently I have discovered how much it helps to approve of ourselves unconditionally. For example, it didn't help me with my overweight to love my body. I totally love my body! But I was still disapproving of its annoying fat storing habits. I feel so much better now that I approve of them! Yes, I approve of my body storing fat. :-)

Just try it out. Choose to approve of yourself, no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you make, no matter how <insert negative judgment about yourself here> you are. Look at yourself in a mirror and say out loud "I approve of myself! <Your first name>, I approve of you!". It feels great. :-)

Approving of yourself does not mean that you can never change anymore. It simply means acknowledging that you are always doing the very best you can with what you are given. That IS the case. So, approve of it. It will make you even more invulnerable. The more you approve of yourself, the less other people will feel the need to disapprove of you. :-)

Raise your Vibration

To not resonate anymore with bad stuff, raise your vibration! Do things that make you happy. Deliberately think thoughts that make you feel good. Focus on the positive, always on the positive, and always on what you like or want, never on what you dislike or don't want. Put some clean food into your body. Dance, sing and rejoice! Fall in love! Randomly tell someone something nice! Smile! Laugh! Send love to others! Hug!

Love and joy are the best shields there are. :-)

Respond with Love

At the beginning of this post, I wrote that when people criticize, insult, attack or offend you, that is because of some crappy stuff going on inside of them. Knowing this, you could send some love to them. Love heals everything, especially fear. You won't completely heal them by sending some love once, but it can only help. They might not notice, but they receive it. Aggressiveness is disharmony. Disharmony can be healed with lots of love. When you love them, you make them more loving and harmonious, and as a pleasant side-effect they will go around attacking others (including you) less.

Be loving to yourself and others, and your world will be loving too. :-)

Choose Your Beliefs Wisely

Your belief system has a crucial impact on your life. Fortunately, you are in control of it. What kinds of beliefs do you let into your head, and how do you know they are right for you?

Your beliefs determine the reality you live in.

Some people (including me) think that our beliefs literally create our reality, on an energetic level. Beliefs are energy. When you send out energy into the Universe in the form of beliefs, you attract energies around you that resonate with your own vibration. It's like when two waves adjust to each other when they are in contact. Everything in your life, be it people, situations, or objects, is energy, and all of it is in your life because it is in alignment with your own energy.

Even if you don't subscribe to this worldview, the fact remains that the reality you perceive is highly dependent on your beliefs. For example, it's a classical thing that when we are in a good mood, we tend to see all the positive things around us, and ignore the negative ones. When we are in a bad mood, we tend to oversee the good things and notice what sucks. We are permanently filtering the information that reaches our brain, and tend to let only what fits our current beliefs about the world reach our consciousness. I even read a fascinating article about brain research once, explaining that our brain fills in information that is missing - and even corrects the information it gets when this information does not seem to make sense.

Last but not least, what you believe directly affects your reality, because it directly influences the way you behave! And the way you behave has consequences on events and other people's reactions. If you believe that people are friendly and trustworthy, you will interact with them in a nice and confident way, which in turn is likely to make them feel like treating you well. If on the contrary you believe that the world is crowded with stupid jerks, you won't treat others very well, and probably won't get very positive feedback either.

No matter what the explanation for it is, it all boils down to the fact that we get what we believe.

You are free to choose your beliefs.

The good news is that beliefs are a choice. They may appear as something immutable and absolutely true - but that's not the case. After all, you learned your beliefs from your parents, your teachers, your friends, the media... If you were born in a different country, at a different time in history, or even in a different family, your beliefs would be completely different. So if beliefs are such a random thing anyway, this means that you can choose to believe whatever you want.

Pick beliefs that truly serve you.

Since your beliefs have such a huge impact on your life, and since you are free to choose them, why not pick beliefs that bring you the best results? That's what I do. I consciously choose beliefs that are positive and aligned with my goals. When I find a belief that sabotages me, I throw it out. I aim to fill my head with empowering, loving, abundant, healthy, and effective beliefs. The kind that helps me to reach my goals and brings me the highest level of satisfaction, fulfillment, achievement and happiness.

Some time ago I was talking about this with my friend Ken. He asked if that is not a "the end justifies the means"-attitude.

Well, in some way, yes. What matters to me are the results. I know what I want, and I see my beliefs as a tool to get there. Some people are very attached to believing only "true" things. It's almost as if they were afraid of being ridiculed forever if they happened to believe something "wrong". What's so scary about picking a belief without knowing if there is some objective Truth to corroborate it?

What I see is that every time I upgrade my beliefs, I do better. I feel better, I am happier, reaching my goals becomes easier, and the whole world is nicer. In my life I went from living in a horrible world to living in a wonderful world, just because of the power of my beliefs. That is what matters to me. Not being right.

Maybe that's because I believe there is no objective right and wrong, true and false anyway.

Find your own truth.

Even though I intentionally pick beliefs that serve me, I don't just pick any belief that looks like it would yield good results. It's more a matter of intuition. Some beliefs just resonate with me very deeply. When I think them, I feel some kind of excited knowing go through my body. Everything in me screams "Yes! This is true!" - or maybe more something like "Yes! I like that!". So I adopt these beliefs because they feel right to me. They just happen to also be the ones that lead to success!

With other beliefs, when I think them, I feel... nothing. And then I know this is just not for me. Doesn't mean it's not true or valuable - it's just not appropriate for me at this time.

I remember how I became spiritual. I was raised as a radical atheist in a very anti-religious and anti-spiritual environment. As a young adult I read the Bible, the Koran, did some research about Taoism... but all this just did not resonate with me. Then some day, I read I don't even remember where the sentence "You are a spiritual Being incarnated on Earth to grow and learn...". When I read this, I immediately knew it was true for me! I just knew it deep down in my gut, it was so clear. It made me feel extremely happy.

So maybe choosing beliefs that serve us is not so much about arbitrarily picking beliefs that our rational mind thinks would be practical - it's more about finding the beliefs that we intuitively recognize as our truth, the truth that expresses who we are at our deepest core, and that is aligned with our soul's highest path and purpose.

Giving ourselves permission to freely choose our beliefs simply enables us to tap into our own inner wisdom. The beliefs we find there are authentic. That's why they are the ones that yield the best results. Everything is so much easier when we express what we truly are, and align with our soul's highest path and purpose!