A few cool French personal development bloggers are writing this month about "Comment vivre l'instant présent ?" (very literally, "how to live the present moment?"). They inspired me to write about present moment awareness and how to maintain it.
Present moment awareness is when you focus exclusively on what's going on right here, right now. Being present means paying attention to the now, without thinking of the past, projecting yourself into the future, analyzing what's happening or wondering what could happen instead. It's just being there. Or, it's just being.
Being present here and now is a very powerful place to be in. It gives you access, for example, to
your intuition. Psychic information cannot reach you if you're not being present. It's only available now. If you're absent, you miss out on a lot of intuitive nudges.
opportunities. We oversee so many opportunities when we're stuck in our head instead of paying attention here and now.
your spontaneity. Being spontaneous means responding immediately and genuinely to the situation you're in, now. If you're stuck in the past or the future, you're unable to let a response flow out of you, now. Being present in the now will greatly improve your ability to respond to input.
your authenticity. How can you be you if you is not even there?
fearlessness. It's impossible to be scared when you're being truly present. Without fears, it's so much easier to connect with others, to reach your goals, and to do pretty much everything you want.
relaxation. Just being in the now is so much more relaxing and less stressful than being stuck in some imaginary place in your head, all busy thinking!
So how to live in the now? How to reach - and maintain - present moment awareness? I have found three methods, or three steps, that work for me. I wonder if they will work for you!
1) Be Aware of your Body
Always keep a part of your attention on your inner body. The point is to feel your body not from the outside (its surface), but from the inside, as one vibrating energy field. And then, no matter what you're doing, always keep a part of your attention there. Eckhart Tolle talks about this in The Power of Now, which I warmly recommend anyway.
2) Ask the Magic Question
The magic question is: "What about right now?".
When I'm thinking of something that happened in the past, wondering what could happen, or even getting lost in trying to control the future, I ask myself "What about right now? Is this happening right now?". And it isn't. It might happen in two weeks, or in ten minutes, or in two seconds, or it has already happened, but right now, it's not happening.
And then I ask myself "What is happening right now, in this very moment?" and I focus on that. The past is the past, we can't change it anymore. As for the future... It always comes differently than we thought anyway. What matters is how we respond to what is here and now. That's the only thing we have control over, anyway.
When I think of something that hurts me, I ask myself "What about right now? Does this hurt me right now?". And of course it doesn't. It's only the past memory of it that hurts. Or the idea that it could happen. Memories and ideas are a construct in my head, it's not part of my reality right now. When I ask about what's going on right here, right now, and really concentrate on that, the pain immediately goes away.
When I'm scared, I ask myself "What about right now? Am I having a problem right now?". The answer is always "no". We never have a problem right now, in this very moment. When we have a problem right now, we are so busy responding to it instinctively that we don't think about it. If you're able to ask this question, you have no problem.
I discovered how powerful it is to ask this question when I was climbing. I wanted to go up a mountain. For the most part, it was just walking up. But in some places, I had to climb. It was no very difficult climbing, but I was alone, climbing without being secured in any way, with a few hundred meters of mountain flank under my feet. I'm mildly afraid of heights. At some point I looked down and thought "Holy shit. If I fall, I'm dead. And they won't even find me!". This thought totally paralyzed me. I was so scared that I kept hanging there, unable to move.
Fortunately at some point, I thought about asking myself: "OK, but right now, am I having a problem? Not in two minutes, when I fall and die. Right now. Am I having a problem?". And I found out that I had none! Both feet and both hands were firmly clinging to the rock.
So I forced myself to keep focusing all my attention only on the present moment, on my inner body, the blood rushing through my limbs, the wind in my ears, the smell of the mountain... until the panic was gone. Then I was able to move one hand up. I asked myself again "And now, am I having a problem?". Still no problem. I kept focusing all my attention on the now and, one slow move after the other, one question after the other, was able to crawl up the rock.
3) Have Eyes like Lakes
That's not only the best method I have found to stay in the now, it's also my ultimate trick to abstain from judging!
Look at an object next to you, label it, and judge it. Now think of something that scares you. Now think of what you did yesterday. If you pay attention, while you have such thoughts, you should feel some slight tension or pressure in the back of your head and neck. If you're not used to paying attention to it, it will be almost imperceptible to you. But it is there. You'll notice that you need to make a tiny effort to think.
You know the people in Japanese animes, with those eyes big like plates, that cover half their face? Now imagine you have such eyes. Don't goggle, that's not what I mean. Just imagine that you look at the things around you through such large eyes. Like a child wondering about the world. Eyes like two deep, calm lakes.
When you have such eyes, the tension in the back of your head and neck goes away. And then, it's not possible to judge anymore. It's also not possible to dwell on the past or the future. You are being intensely present in the now. :-)
When you are in such a state, you are highly aware of what's going on, ready to respond and take action, yet infinitely relaxed at the same time. You're being. Being you.
And Now?
I hope those three methods will help you to reach and maintain a state of delicious present moment awareness. They take some practice to learn, but it's well worth it!
So... Now focus on your inner body. The blood rushing through you. The energy in every body part. The whole energy field from inside. Feel it? Keep a part of your attention there.
Now think of your eyes as two large, deep, calm lakes.
Look around you. What about right now? What's going on in this very moment?
How areyou feeling? :-)
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta present moment awareness. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta present moment awareness. Mostrar todas las entradas
jueves, 21 de enero de 2010
jueves, 22 de enero de 2009
How To Learn Meditation
I am in no way a meditation expert, and that's exactly why I'm writing this article. Because you don't need to be a meditation expert to talk about meditation, or to do it. It's the easiest and the most natural thing in the world. Everybody can do it, and everybody can learn it in five minutes.
You'll need to practice to get good at it, and that will take more than five minutes, that's true - but the goal isn't to be good, it's to practice. And you can learn how to practice in five minutes, right now.
If you would like to meditate, you don't need to be a particularly spiritual person. You need no special clothes or incense sticks or sitting in lotus position or anything like that. You can do it everywhere, any time, and three to fifteen minutes a day are enough as a time investment.
What is meditation about?
I sometimes read that meditation is about "disciplining" or "controlling" our mind, but I don't like this way of putting it. Words like "discipline" and "control" have a hard, rigid connotation that doesn't consider the great Love and Freedom there is in meditating.
Meditation for me is simply about practicing deliberately choosing what we focus on, in a very gentle and soft way.
Deliberately choosing what we focus on is very important in regards to creating our reality ("We attract what we focus on") and to reaching our goals ("Always focus on what you want"). Therefore, meditation is a great tool that will help you create the life you want. If you practice deliberately choosing what you focus on regularly while meditating, it will be easier for you to do so in all other situations too.
Why meditate?
Aside from training your ability to choose what you focus on, meditating also has other great benefits. I love it. It raises my vibration. It calms me down. It makes me feel happy and relaxed. It allows me to re-center myself and to re-connect with my Soul when I feel a little disconnected or lost. It makes me feel peaceful. It's a pleasant way to take a short break when I'm working. It clarifies my mind and makes me more creative. I don't know what effect it has or would have on you, but I'm sure it's positive too.
Meditating regularly is even better. It has all of the above benefits, but when I meditate regularly those are permanent, not only present when I meditate. It globally raises my consciousness. It also improves my overall awareness for my emotional state. Experiencing a higher vibrational state on a regular basis helps me notice much faster that I'm feeling bad when I do.
I once meditated three times a day for three to five minutes each, every day, for an entire month. It was great! During that month I felt much better, much more centered and peaceful than I normally do, even though the external conditions were more challenging than usually. During that month I also had a few spiritual experiences, including an impressive out of body experience, and I'm sure that's no coincidence.
That's why my first One New Habit A Month Challenge will be "Meditating for at least five minutes every day".
How to meditate?
Meditating is very easy. You don't need any particular ritual, but if you like rituals, then of course you can invent one for yourself. You can light a candle or incense sticks and sit in lotus position if you think that's cool, but you don't need to. No need for contorsions or tiring positions either.
You can meditate while walking, sitting on the couch or lying on your bed. It doesn't matter. What's important is that you feel comfortable. I usually meditate sitting on my office chair with my feet on the desk. I also love meditating while I'm walking or doing the dishes. Meditation is not something highly spiritual, out of this world. Integrate it into your daily life!
Just feel comfortable. Also wear comfortable clothes that you feel good in. If you're a beginner, make sure you won't be disturbed. To feel safe and free to relax it's better at the beginning to know that nobody will come in or disturb you in any way.
I also recommend using a timer. It allows you to immerse yourself in your meditation completely without keeping track of the elapsed time in the background of your mind. You can use a kitchen timer (provided it's silent when it doesn't beep), or your watch, an alarm clock, your cell phone, whatever.
How long and how often should I meditate?
As I already said, meditating regularly is particularly beneficial. So, every day would be optimal, or even two or three times a day. But you don't have to. If you just do it when you feel like doing it, that's perfectly okay too.
If you're a beginner, start with two minutes. That's enough. Then, when you like those two minutes, you can progressively increase your meditation time.
I know some people meditate for half an hour in a row, or even more. This happens to me too sometimes. But I think it's not necessary to meditate that long in order to feel the benefits of it. Three to fifteen minutes are enough, especially if you do it every day.
Whenever you meditate you raise your consciousness. I'm convinced it brings more to do so for three minutes ten times a day than for thirty minutes only once a day.
Different meditation techniques
Here I'm sharing my favorite ways of meditating:
Counting Meditation
I guess counting meditation is the easiest way to meditate. If you're an absolute beginner or a very intellectual person, start with this one.
This is how it works: breathe in. When you breathe out, think "One". Breathe in again, and when you breathe out, think "Two". Breathe in, breathe out, think "Three". In, out, "Four". Then you start anew: breathe in, breathe out, think "One". And so on. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four...
If you start thinking of something else, don't beat yourself up. Don't try to control your thoughts in any way. When you notice you were thinking about something else, simply go back to breathing and counting, starting with "One" again. If at some point you suddenly don't know anymore what number comes next, start with "One" again too.
In the beginning it might be like "One, two, three, one, two, one, one, two, three, four, one...". That's perfectly okay. The goal is not not to think at all. The goal is to gently bring your attention back again and again to what you chose to focus on, in this case the counting.
Don't try to control your breathing in any way either. It's perfectly okay to breathe irregularly or fast or any way you feel like breathing.
I love counting meditation while I'm walking. Sometimes I count my steps, and sometimes I just think "Left, right, left, right, left, right...".
Breathing Meditation
Breathing meditation is the same, except that you don't count. Instead, you focus on observing your breath. You can focus on how the air enters and leaves your nose. Or you can focus on how the air wanders through your entire body.
It's a bit more difficult because it's all about feeling and the mind has nothing to say. Again, don't try to control your breathing or your thoughts. When you notice you're thinking, don't resist it. Acknowledge the thought, let it go in peace, and bring your attention gently back to your breathing.
Presence Meditation
I totally love this one. Presence meditation is about focusing on being in the here and now. The goal is to be fully present and aware of what's happening inside of and around you.
First, feel your inner body. This means, feel your body from the inside. Feel the energy in your feet. Then in your legs. When you're able to feel them, go up, though all your body, till you feel the inside of each part of your body. Then you can feel your whole body as one single energetic field. Concentrate on this feeling for a while, going deeper and deeper inside your body. (I learned this in Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, you can read more about the inner body in this fabulous book if you're interested).
Now that you have built your inner awareness, turn your attention outwards and observe what's going on around you. You're hearing the sounds, smelling the smells, feeling your body touch the chair you're sitting on, etc. Maybe some emotions will surface too.
The point is to not react to any of this. You simply perceive it. Observe it, but don't react to it in any way. Accept it peacefully. And always keep a part of your attention on your inner body.
As usual, no control, and when you drift, bring yourself backvery gently.
I love the Presence Meditation when I'm doing simple things, such as washing the dishes, doing the laundry or cleansing the windows. It would be perfect if I could be in such a state all the time!
Love Meditation
Love meditation is especially good when you feel unloved, lonely or disconnected. But you can also practice it every day for no particular reason. I use it very often to send Love to others.
Take a little bit more time for this one. Sit or lay down, breathe slowly and deeply through your nose into your belly, close your eyes, and focus on loving yourself. Don't do it with your mind, don't think about reasons for loving yourself. Depending on your dominant sense, find a way to express your love for yourself without thinking.
For example you could imagine how you are smiling at yourself and gently hugging yourself. Or you could visualize yourself surrounded with a bulb of shining green light. (Green is traditionally associated with the heart chakra. I always use it as a symbol for Love because it's my favorite color. If you don't like it, it doesn't matter. Just pick any other color that you like and are able to associate with unconditional Love.) Alternatively, you could remember a song with a loving vibe that you like and imagine humming it for yourself. Or recite some kind of loving ritual prayer, like "May I feel safe. May I feel loved. May I be happy. etc.". Dunno, get creative. You need to find something that you really resonate with.
Same as with the other meditations: if you have unwelcome thoughts, let them go in peace and gently go back to concentrating on loving yourself. Do this till you feel deeply accepted and loved by yourself.
After you're comfortable with loving yourself, extend this feeling of Love to others. Focus on some person that you have no issues with, and send Love to him or her in the same way you were sending Love to yourself. Hug them or visualize them in loving green bulbs or recite your love prayer for them. Feel how you love them, how your heart is connected to theirs and your Love flows from you to them. Love is infinite, you can never run out of it. Share your Love.
Start with people you are close to and have no problem with, then gradually expand your love to friends, acquaintances, colleagues, to people you don't know at all, to people you have conflicts with, and to people you hate. You can include animals, trees, plants and inanimated objects as well.
I have noticed that when I regularly send Love to someone I have some problems with, those problems tend to disappear!
In case you don't feel comfortable with loving yourself to begin with, practice only the first part of the meditation till it feels natural to you to express loving and nurturing feelings towards yourself. If you don't truly love yourself, you cannot truly love others.
Mirroring Meditation
I particularly enjoy this one, it's a lot of fun! But you need a partner to do it. Here is how it works:
The passive partner does nothing at all except for breathing. That's a perfect opportunity for him or her to practice one of the other meditations.
The active partner mirrors his or her partner's breathing. Let's say you are the active one. Then you try to follow exactly your partner's way of breathing. This means you have to focus on your partner and copy him or her. He or she should not help you in any way, for example by breathing particularly slowly or regularly! It's your job to follow the other person no matter what she or he does. That's the fun of it.
Of course you can pick an unknowing passive partner too. I totally love doing this with Minnie. Minnie is the cat I share my home with. She loves to sleep on my desk (especially exactly on the most important papers I'm just reading). When she's lying around like this, I often do the mirroring meditation with her. But sometimes I also pick random innocent victims on the bus, in a shop or at the library and follow their breathing, when they happen to be close enough for me to hear and see them breathe.
In case you lack empathy and would like to have more of it, you could start with practicing this meditation as a fun way of aligning yourself with others.
More meditations
There are countless other meditations. You can focus on observing and labeling your thoughts, or on focusing on some object (like a candle). You can use music to meditate, either as a relaxing background while you practice some other meditation, or as the object of your focus. There is plenty of meditation music on youtube. You can find many guided meditations out there too. Another idea is to google Vipassana meditation.
If you're interested in a book about meditation, I recommend The Three-Minute Meditator by David Harp & Nina Feldman. It is simple, unpretentious and down-to-earth. It explains how to integrate meditation into your daily life, and contains many interesting meditations, visualizations and much more. I discovered the mirroring meditation in this book, although it has another name there. I really like this book.
So. You can start right now. I wish you a lot of fun, O Great Meditator! :-)
You'll need to practice to get good at it, and that will take more than five minutes, that's true - but the goal isn't to be good, it's to practice. And you can learn how to practice in five minutes, right now.
If you would like to meditate, you don't need to be a particularly spiritual person. You need no special clothes or incense sticks or sitting in lotus position or anything like that. You can do it everywhere, any time, and three to fifteen minutes a day are enough as a time investment.
What is meditation about?
I sometimes read that meditation is about "disciplining" or "controlling" our mind, but I don't like this way of putting it. Words like "discipline" and "control" have a hard, rigid connotation that doesn't consider the great Love and Freedom there is in meditating.
Meditation for me is simply about practicing deliberately choosing what we focus on, in a very gentle and soft way.
Deliberately choosing what we focus on is very important in regards to creating our reality ("We attract what we focus on") and to reaching our goals ("Always focus on what you want"). Therefore, meditation is a great tool that will help you create the life you want. If you practice deliberately choosing what you focus on regularly while meditating, it will be easier for you to do so in all other situations too.
Why meditate?
Aside from training your ability to choose what you focus on, meditating also has other great benefits. I love it. It raises my vibration. It calms me down. It makes me feel happy and relaxed. It allows me to re-center myself and to re-connect with my Soul when I feel a little disconnected or lost. It makes me feel peaceful. It's a pleasant way to take a short break when I'm working. It clarifies my mind and makes me more creative. I don't know what effect it has or would have on you, but I'm sure it's positive too.
Meditating regularly is even better. It has all of the above benefits, but when I meditate regularly those are permanent, not only present when I meditate. It globally raises my consciousness. It also improves my overall awareness for my emotional state. Experiencing a higher vibrational state on a regular basis helps me notice much faster that I'm feeling bad when I do.
I once meditated three times a day for three to five minutes each, every day, for an entire month. It was great! During that month I felt much better, much more centered and peaceful than I normally do, even though the external conditions were more challenging than usually. During that month I also had a few spiritual experiences, including an impressive out of body experience, and I'm sure that's no coincidence.
That's why my first One New Habit A Month Challenge will be "Meditating for at least five minutes every day".
How to meditate?
Meditating is very easy. You don't need any particular ritual, but if you like rituals, then of course you can invent one for yourself. You can light a candle or incense sticks and sit in lotus position if you think that's cool, but you don't need to. No need for contorsions or tiring positions either.
You can meditate while walking, sitting on the couch or lying on your bed. It doesn't matter. What's important is that you feel comfortable. I usually meditate sitting on my office chair with my feet on the desk. I also love meditating while I'm walking or doing the dishes. Meditation is not something highly spiritual, out of this world. Integrate it into your daily life!
Just feel comfortable. Also wear comfortable clothes that you feel good in. If you're a beginner, make sure you won't be disturbed. To feel safe and free to relax it's better at the beginning to know that nobody will come in or disturb you in any way.
I also recommend using a timer. It allows you to immerse yourself in your meditation completely without keeping track of the elapsed time in the background of your mind. You can use a kitchen timer (provided it's silent when it doesn't beep), or your watch, an alarm clock, your cell phone, whatever.
How long and how often should I meditate?
As I already said, meditating regularly is particularly beneficial. So, every day would be optimal, or even two or three times a day. But you don't have to. If you just do it when you feel like doing it, that's perfectly okay too.
If you're a beginner, start with two minutes. That's enough. Then, when you like those two minutes, you can progressively increase your meditation time.
I know some people meditate for half an hour in a row, or even more. This happens to me too sometimes. But I think it's not necessary to meditate that long in order to feel the benefits of it. Three to fifteen minutes are enough, especially if you do it every day.
Whenever you meditate you raise your consciousness. I'm convinced it brings more to do so for three minutes ten times a day than for thirty minutes only once a day.
Different meditation techniques
Here I'm sharing my favorite ways of meditating:
Counting Meditation
I guess counting meditation is the easiest way to meditate. If you're an absolute beginner or a very intellectual person, start with this one.
This is how it works: breathe in. When you breathe out, think "One". Breathe in again, and when you breathe out, think "Two". Breathe in, breathe out, think "Three". In, out, "Four". Then you start anew: breathe in, breathe out, think "One". And so on. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four...
If you start thinking of something else, don't beat yourself up. Don't try to control your thoughts in any way. When you notice you were thinking about something else, simply go back to breathing and counting, starting with "One" again. If at some point you suddenly don't know anymore what number comes next, start with "One" again too.
In the beginning it might be like "One, two, three, one, two, one, one, two, three, four, one...". That's perfectly okay. The goal is not not to think at all. The goal is to gently bring your attention back again and again to what you chose to focus on, in this case the counting.
Don't try to control your breathing in any way either. It's perfectly okay to breathe irregularly or fast or any way you feel like breathing.
I love counting meditation while I'm walking. Sometimes I count my steps, and sometimes I just think "Left, right, left, right, left, right...".
Breathing Meditation
Breathing meditation is the same, except that you don't count. Instead, you focus on observing your breath. You can focus on how the air enters and leaves your nose. Or you can focus on how the air wanders through your entire body.
It's a bit more difficult because it's all about feeling and the mind has nothing to say. Again, don't try to control your breathing or your thoughts. When you notice you're thinking, don't resist it. Acknowledge the thought, let it go in peace, and bring your attention gently back to your breathing.
Presence Meditation
I totally love this one. Presence meditation is about focusing on being in the here and now. The goal is to be fully present and aware of what's happening inside of and around you.
First, feel your inner body. This means, feel your body from the inside. Feel the energy in your feet. Then in your legs. When you're able to feel them, go up, though all your body, till you feel the inside of each part of your body. Then you can feel your whole body as one single energetic field. Concentrate on this feeling for a while, going deeper and deeper inside your body. (I learned this in Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, you can read more about the inner body in this fabulous book if you're interested).
Now that you have built your inner awareness, turn your attention outwards and observe what's going on around you. You're hearing the sounds, smelling the smells, feeling your body touch the chair you're sitting on, etc. Maybe some emotions will surface too.
The point is to not react to any of this. You simply perceive it. Observe it, but don't react to it in any way. Accept it peacefully. And always keep a part of your attention on your inner body.
As usual, no control, and when you drift, bring yourself backvery gently.
I love the Presence Meditation when I'm doing simple things, such as washing the dishes, doing the laundry or cleansing the windows. It would be perfect if I could be in such a state all the time!
Love Meditation
Love meditation is especially good when you feel unloved, lonely or disconnected. But you can also practice it every day for no particular reason. I use it very often to send Love to others.
Take a little bit more time for this one. Sit or lay down, breathe slowly and deeply through your nose into your belly, close your eyes, and focus on loving yourself. Don't do it with your mind, don't think about reasons for loving yourself. Depending on your dominant sense, find a way to express your love for yourself without thinking.
For example you could imagine how you are smiling at yourself and gently hugging yourself. Or you could visualize yourself surrounded with a bulb of shining green light. (Green is traditionally associated with the heart chakra. I always use it as a symbol for Love because it's my favorite color. If you don't like it, it doesn't matter. Just pick any other color that you like and are able to associate with unconditional Love.) Alternatively, you could remember a song with a loving vibe that you like and imagine humming it for yourself. Or recite some kind of loving ritual prayer, like "May I feel safe. May I feel loved. May I be happy. etc.". Dunno, get creative. You need to find something that you really resonate with.
Same as with the other meditations: if you have unwelcome thoughts, let them go in peace and gently go back to concentrating on loving yourself. Do this till you feel deeply accepted and loved by yourself.
After you're comfortable with loving yourself, extend this feeling of Love to others. Focus on some person that you have no issues with, and send Love to him or her in the same way you were sending Love to yourself. Hug them or visualize them in loving green bulbs or recite your love prayer for them. Feel how you love them, how your heart is connected to theirs and your Love flows from you to them. Love is infinite, you can never run out of it. Share your Love.
Start with people you are close to and have no problem with, then gradually expand your love to friends, acquaintances, colleagues, to people you don't know at all, to people you have conflicts with, and to people you hate. You can include animals, trees, plants and inanimated objects as well.
I have noticed that when I regularly send Love to someone I have some problems with, those problems tend to disappear!
In case you don't feel comfortable with loving yourself to begin with, practice only the first part of the meditation till it feels natural to you to express loving and nurturing feelings towards yourself. If you don't truly love yourself, you cannot truly love others.
Mirroring Meditation
I particularly enjoy this one, it's a lot of fun! But you need a partner to do it. Here is how it works:
The passive partner does nothing at all except for breathing. That's a perfect opportunity for him or her to practice one of the other meditations.
The active partner mirrors his or her partner's breathing. Let's say you are the active one. Then you try to follow exactly your partner's way of breathing. This means you have to focus on your partner and copy him or her. He or she should not help you in any way, for example by breathing particularly slowly or regularly! It's your job to follow the other person no matter what she or he does. That's the fun of it.
Of course you can pick an unknowing passive partner too. I totally love doing this with Minnie. Minnie is the cat I share my home with. She loves to sleep on my desk (especially exactly on the most important papers I'm just reading). When she's lying around like this, I often do the mirroring meditation with her. But sometimes I also pick random innocent victims on the bus, in a shop or at the library and follow their breathing, when they happen to be close enough for me to hear and see them breathe.
In case you lack empathy and would like to have more of it, you could start with practicing this meditation as a fun way of aligning yourself with others.
More meditations
There are countless other meditations. You can focus on observing and labeling your thoughts, or on focusing on some object (like a candle). You can use music to meditate, either as a relaxing background while you practice some other meditation, or as the object of your focus. There is plenty of meditation music on youtube. You can find many guided meditations out there too. Another idea is to google Vipassana meditation.
If you're interested in a book about meditation, I recommend The Three-Minute Meditator by David Harp & Nina Feldman. It is simple, unpretentious and down-to-earth. It explains how to integrate meditation into your daily life, and contains many interesting meditations, visualizations and much more. I discovered the mirroring meditation in this book, although it has another name there. I really like this book.
So. You can start right now. I wish you a lot of fun, O Great Meditator! :-)
jueves, 27 de noviembre de 2008
How to Connect with Strangers
(This post is the how-to part of Chit-Chat with Strangers.)
For me, talking to strangers is very easy impossible. There are no strangers!
I believe that we are all manifestations of one Consciousness. All others are me too, just in another form, and I’m everybody. I feel one with everything that is, all other humans, animals, plants, inanimate objects, etc.
I also believe that we all permanently communicate with each other. We are one huge network, constantly exchanging information.
This way, you don’t need to connect in the first place: you are already connected, and have always been. We’ve known each other forever. Talking to a “stranger” for me is just recognizing them and acknowledging the bond which already exists between us.
That’s why I behave as if I already knew the people I talk to. Duh, I do! They’re old friends. I just hadn’t met them yet in this life. Time to catch up!
It’s all a matter of mindset
The beliefs I described above allow me to connect with others very fast and easily. It just happens naturally without me trying to do it intentionally. I don’t need to go out of my way for that.
I’m convinced that social skills are a matter of attitude. If you have a hard time connecting, you probably have some blocking beliefs about yourself, other people, social situations, or your own social skills. If you could get rid of them, I’m sure you would be able to connect with strangers as easily as I do. It would just become natural for you to do so.
Here is the description of one possible mindset (incidentally, mine) that yields good results in social situations.
How to do it concretely?
Okay, what to do to connect with a stranger? Connecting is paying attention. Where your attention goes, there goes your energy as well. Therefore, focus your energy on this person.
Look into their eyes. Many people are so afraid of others that they’re too embarrassed to allow eye contact. If you want to connect, you have to be open for connection, and that means eye contact. Looking away is hiding away.
I’m not telling you to stare at someone with a crazy or aggressive glance. Just allow friendly eye contact, you can look away once the person has seen and acknowledged you. When they look back at you, smile, but only if you spontaneously feel like smiling. A fake smile is a turn-off.
And then it’s simple really. If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. You don’t need to talk. When you’re being open, others feel it. If they’re being open too, and in the mood for communication, they’ll probably start talking to you on their own.
If you feel like saying something (like “hi”), then just say it. No matter what it is. You need no caution or shared interest. Feel free to talk about stupid or crazy or trivial things, it doesn't matter. I'm very spontaneous, so sometimes I say really strange things to people! But you won't believe it, they like it. Once I saw a guy in a CD shop. The next day I came back, and he was there again. I was so surprised that I stared at him and vigorously exclaimed "You again! What are you doing here?!" To what he replied "And what are you doing here?!". We both laughed, the ice was broken.
Some people tend to be way too attached to figuring out which words to use. But the energy you're sending off in that moment is way more important than the content of what you're saying. If you're attached to making a specific impression, you're likely to be self-conscious and to send off a stressed out and unpleasant vibe. If you're feeling self-confident, connected and loving towards this person, they will feel it no matter what you say - and that's what they will get.
And feeling self-confident, connected and loving is a matter of mindset...
Being present is key
I’m not fond of watching one’s body language or using lines, tricks and strategies to socialize. When you focus on what you should say or where to put your hands, you’re not being present in the moment. And that’s not what you want. You can’t connect if you’re not being present. When you’re not being present, you’re not really here. And if you’re not here, how could you meet this person here?
Present moment awareness means focusing on here and now. Don’t think of anything else than what’s happening right now. Don’t try to impress or to analyze, don’t think about what could happen next, or what happened before. Just be here with this person. Be open, listen. Observe your reactions without trying to control them. Let what happens happen. :-)
What I've found to be very useful is to always keep a part of my attention in my inner body. The inner body is what you feel when you focus on your body from the inside. Can you feel the inside of your body as one energetic field? If you can’t, practice feeling it, it’s a great sensation!
To learn more about being present and feeling your inner body, read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He’s the great present moment awareness specialist.
Assault old ladies!
If you want to get better at connecting with people, you need to practice. My advice is not to practice with people in your sexual or romantic target group. This would make it much more difficult. The possibility that they interpret your approach as hitting on them could block you, even if it's not at all the case, and even more so if it is the case. ;-) So, avoid that at first. Practice with other people, you'll feel safer.
The ideal targets (hehehe) are old ladies, in my experience they're always happy to get some attention and to have a nice chat. Usually they're also very friendly. Also people the age of your parents, or much younger people.
Little kids and babies are great connectors. It's very easy to connect with a baby, much easier than with an adult. They haven't all the fearful social conditioning to block them. They're curious and spontaneously offer you toothless smiles and wave you goodbye with their little hands.
They can't speak, but it doesn't matter. Remember it's more about the mindset and the energy than about the words. It's about opening up, staying present, and allowing emotions to flow out of you. You'll feel genuine connection even without words.
So, and now go out and talk to people! :-) Good luck!
(Edit: there's a follow-up to this post here.)
For me, talking to strangers is very easy impossible. There are no strangers!
I believe that we are all manifestations of one Consciousness. All others are me too, just in another form, and I’m everybody. I feel one with everything that is, all other humans, animals, plants, inanimate objects, etc.
I also believe that we all permanently communicate with each other. We are one huge network, constantly exchanging information.
This way, you don’t need to connect in the first place: you are already connected, and have always been. We’ve known each other forever. Talking to a “stranger” for me is just recognizing them and acknowledging the bond which already exists between us.
That’s why I behave as if I already knew the people I talk to. Duh, I do! They’re old friends. I just hadn’t met them yet in this life. Time to catch up!
It’s all a matter of mindset
The beliefs I described above allow me to connect with others very fast and easily. It just happens naturally without me trying to do it intentionally. I don’t need to go out of my way for that.
I’m convinced that social skills are a matter of attitude. If you have a hard time connecting, you probably have some blocking beliefs about yourself, other people, social situations, or your own social skills. If you could get rid of them, I’m sure you would be able to connect with strangers as easily as I do. It would just become natural for you to do so.
Here is the description of one possible mindset (incidentally, mine) that yields good results in social situations.
How to do it concretely?
Okay, what to do to connect with a stranger? Connecting is paying attention. Where your attention goes, there goes your energy as well. Therefore, focus your energy on this person.
Look into their eyes. Many people are so afraid of others that they’re too embarrassed to allow eye contact. If you want to connect, you have to be open for connection, and that means eye contact. Looking away is hiding away.
I’m not telling you to stare at someone with a crazy or aggressive glance. Just allow friendly eye contact, you can look away once the person has seen and acknowledged you. When they look back at you, smile, but only if you spontaneously feel like smiling. A fake smile is a turn-off.
And then it’s simple really. If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. You don’t need to talk. When you’re being open, others feel it. If they’re being open too, and in the mood for communication, they’ll probably start talking to you on their own.
If you feel like saying something (like “hi”), then just say it. No matter what it is. You need no caution or shared interest. Feel free to talk about stupid or crazy or trivial things, it doesn't matter. I'm very spontaneous, so sometimes I say really strange things to people! But you won't believe it, they like it. Once I saw a guy in a CD shop. The next day I came back, and he was there again. I was so surprised that I stared at him and vigorously exclaimed "You again! What are you doing here?!" To what he replied "And what are you doing here?!". We both laughed, the ice was broken.
Some people tend to be way too attached to figuring out which words to use. But the energy you're sending off in that moment is way more important than the content of what you're saying. If you're attached to making a specific impression, you're likely to be self-conscious and to send off a stressed out and unpleasant vibe. If you're feeling self-confident, connected and loving towards this person, they will feel it no matter what you say - and that's what they will get.
And feeling self-confident, connected and loving is a matter of mindset...
Being present is key
I’m not fond of watching one’s body language or using lines, tricks and strategies to socialize. When you focus on what you should say or where to put your hands, you’re not being present in the moment. And that’s not what you want. You can’t connect if you’re not being present. When you’re not being present, you’re not really here. And if you’re not here, how could you meet this person here?
Present moment awareness means focusing on here and now. Don’t think of anything else than what’s happening right now. Don’t try to impress or to analyze, don’t think about what could happen next, or what happened before. Just be here with this person. Be open, listen. Observe your reactions without trying to control them. Let what happens happen. :-)
What I've found to be very useful is to always keep a part of my attention in my inner body. The inner body is what you feel when you focus on your body from the inside. Can you feel the inside of your body as one energetic field? If you can’t, practice feeling it, it’s a great sensation!
To learn more about being present and feeling your inner body, read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He’s the great present moment awareness specialist.
Assault old ladies!
If you want to get better at connecting with people, you need to practice. My advice is not to practice with people in your sexual or romantic target group. This would make it much more difficult. The possibility that they interpret your approach as hitting on them could block you, even if it's not at all the case, and even more so if it is the case. ;-) So, avoid that at first. Practice with other people, you'll feel safer.
The ideal targets (hehehe) are old ladies, in my experience they're always happy to get some attention and to have a nice chat. Usually they're also very friendly. Also people the age of your parents, or much younger people.
Little kids and babies are great connectors. It's very easy to connect with a baby, much easier than with an adult. They haven't all the fearful social conditioning to block them. They're curious and spontaneously offer you toothless smiles and wave you goodbye with their little hands.
They can't speak, but it doesn't matter. Remember it's more about the mindset and the energy than about the words. It's about opening up, staying present, and allowing emotions to flow out of you. You'll feel genuine connection even without words.
So, and now go out and talk to people! :-) Good luck!
(Edit: there's a follow-up to this post here.)
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