I want peace in the world - but the world cannot be at peace as long as I am at war. Including at war with myself. What we are inside we also generate outside. There can be no peace in my reality as long as there is war in my consciousness.
For many years I've been at war with myself. I'm ending this war now.
"Be the change you want to see in the world." (Mahatma Gandhi)
I have several conflicts with myself. For example, sometimes I still have a hard time accepting that I am a scanner. I also have difficulties coping with my high sensitivity. It annoys me that I'm thirty and still don't know what I want to do when I am grown up. There are quite a lot of things that I reproach myself for.
One of my goals for 2009 is to resolve all of those conflicts, starting with the biggest one. The biggest conflict I have with myself is about my body. There are (were) so many things about my body that I don't (didn't) like! Most of all that I am "too fat".
So I have decided to end this war now, and to accept and love myself exactly the way I am and am not. I think the lesson for me in being overweight is to learn unconditional self-love. I'll be able to let go of that fat when I have grown to truly love what is, now.
Approach one: The Work
Loving what is is the title of a wonderful book by Byron Katie. I'm applying her approach to my body problem now: I'm doing The Work on it.
The Work is a very powerful process that you can use to address all kinds of negative emotions, no matter whether they are about people, situations or other issues like finding yourself too fat. I highly recommend The Work! It will set you free. How to do it is explained here.
I'm not done with it yet, there is so much to work on! But since I started to do The Work to befriend my body, I'm already feeling much better.
I had an interesting dream. In my dream I was going around completely naked, and I was feeling perfectly comfortable this way. I didn't have an ideal body or anything like that, it was my real body, with fat and all. I was not even shaved! Yet it felt great and natural to be naked. At first the people I was talking to were a little embarrassed, but soon they too got comfortable with seeing me this way and talked with me as if everything were normal. In the end, everybody was fine with my being naked!
I think this was a very cool dream.
I can feel that I am slowly falling in love with my body at the moment. For example when I look at the stretchmarks on my hips, instead of resenting them for being there, like I did before, now I look at them with love and I'm damn proud of my great battle scars.
I especially love my legs! Actually I can't stop looking at them anymore. I've always disliked my legs, because they are not only covered with a layer of fat, they're also quite muscular. I like to say that I have legs like a soccer player. And I used to beat myself up for that. "This looks awful with a short skirt and high-heels! It's not feminine!" Blah blah blah. While doing The Work I suddenly realized: "Hey! Wait a minute! I never wear short skirts and high-heels in the first place! I dream of being a muscle beast. And I resent my legs for being muscular? How illogical is that!!"
"You will always suffer when your mind wants two opposing things at once." (Byron Katie)
I cannot be a muscle beast and have legs like a petite girlie. That's just not possible, I need to make a choice. This choice is a no-brainer for me! I don't care about being feminine, but I do care a lot about being strong.
So now I totally love my soccer player legs. And everything else as well. I just love my body! I can't touch it and look at it enough, I'm amazed at how fantastic it is!
You have no idea how wonderful a feeling it is to be allowed to love my body at last. What a relief.
Approach two: taking action
I'm asking myself "How would I feel, and how would I behave, if I were perfectly fine with my body as it is now?". That's actually a part of The Work ("How would you feel and behave if you didn't have this thought?"), but I extended it a bit for myself. The Work is meditation. But I'm going to actually do those things.
I made a list of things I would do if my body were a non-issue for me, and now I'm going to do them regardless! Ha! Good way to overcome my fears and to build courage.
One of those things is to post pictures on my blog. I found out that if I didn't have any problem with my body, I would post way more pictures on my blog. Oddly enough, not only pictures of myself. I would also post other pictures unrelated to me. I don't know why feeling bad about my body prevented me from posting pictures of landscapes and stuff, but that's the case. So, expect to see more pictures on here from now on.
I'm also considering learning how to strip-tease. Just for fun, as a way of getting more comfortable with my body, with being seen naked, and with feeling sexually attractive.
I tend to feel anxious when a man finds me attractive. I'm confident about my sexual skills, so once in bed everything's fine. The problem is the fear of being sexually attractive when I'm not having sex, if this makes sense.
I don't know exactly why I feel this way, but asking why is not an empowering question anyway. I'd rather ask myself what I can do about it. Maybe learning to strip-tease could be one possible solution. It would be a fun thing to try out anyway.
What about you?
Do you love your body unconditionally, as it is right now?
What are you being at war with yourself about?
What can you do right now to make peace with yourself?
What are you generating in your reality? Peace, or War?
Much Love to you. I wish you a wonderful day!
viernes, 3 de abril de 2009
domingo, 22 de marzo de 2009
One New Habit a Month Challenge #3: Building Muscle
Here's my monthly report on how I'm building new, empowering habits.
Since I failed miserably at adapting to a polyphasic sleep schedule, I did not learn any new habit this past month.
Month number three (March 20th to April 19th) will be about building muscle. One of my secret ( ;-) ) desires is to become a muscle beast. Not as much as professional bodybuilders, I don't like it when you can see every single muscle and tendon. But I definitely dream of having impressive muscles. Most of all, I don't only want to look strong, I want to actually be very strong.
Why?
I don't know why I want it. It seems quite irrational. I've long thought that big muscles are a useless thing to have and that all the effort put into growing them is a waste of time and energy. Nevertheless, I stubbornly keep having this desire for big muscles no matter what. I know deep down in my blood that it's the right path for me and that I want it. There aren't many things in my life which I am that sure about. So I have decided to go for it and to work towards this goal on a daily basis.
Making muscle training this month's habit was a difficult choice since I have so many awesome future habits on my list! But it makes sense to do it now. This way I'll be done with all health & fitness goals. Health & fitness was my main focus in 2008 but I didn't succeed in getting everything done. Now I want to finish what I have begun. I'd like to have all of my health & fitness habits run on auto-pilot as soon as possible, in order to focus on something else.
I'm still dancing and walking daily and I love it. It has become noticeably easier, which is a sign that my fitness has improved. I'm happy about it, however it's also a bit frustrating because I'm not getting as intensive a workout anymore. I think I will need something more tiring soon. For now I'll develop my musculature to begin with.
How?
I will start with five minutes a day, as the goal is predominantly to learn a new daily habit. Five minutes can make a huge difference for a beginner if the workout is really intensive, anyway.
I have no clue about muscle training. So even though I'll work out for only five minutes a day, I expect that I'll need to spend a lot of time educating myself about the whole thing.
I won't go to the gym. I already tried that in the past. Not my cup of tea. Working on machines and following a strict schedule soon became intolerably boring.
This time I'll train at home and I'll train with no fixed schedule. I will use a few tools like dumbbell, barbell, free weights, but also do bodyweight exercises, and of course play with my beloved kettlebell. I don't know the details of my workouts yet as I expect to learn a lot this coming month. One's for sure, I want it to be fun and playful, and not too organized.
What I already know is that I will definitely train for strength, not for endurance. Training for endurance would mean doing many reps (repetitions) of relatively light exercises or with relatively light weights. I won't do that. Instead I'll do only very few reps, but with the heaviest weights and hardest exercises I can manage to lift or do.
Wish me luck! :-)
Since I failed miserably at adapting to a polyphasic sleep schedule, I did not learn any new habit this past month.
Month number three (March 20th to April 19th) will be about building muscle. One of my secret ( ;-) ) desires is to become a muscle beast. Not as much as professional bodybuilders, I don't like it when you can see every single muscle and tendon. But I definitely dream of having impressive muscles. Most of all, I don't only want to look strong, I want to actually be very strong.
Why?
I don't know why I want it. It seems quite irrational. I've long thought that big muscles are a useless thing to have and that all the effort put into growing them is a waste of time and energy. Nevertheless, I stubbornly keep having this desire for big muscles no matter what. I know deep down in my blood that it's the right path for me and that I want it. There aren't many things in my life which I am that sure about. So I have decided to go for it and to work towards this goal on a daily basis.
Making muscle training this month's habit was a difficult choice since I have so many awesome future habits on my list! But it makes sense to do it now. This way I'll be done with all health & fitness goals. Health & fitness was my main focus in 2008 but I didn't succeed in getting everything done. Now I want to finish what I have begun. I'd like to have all of my health & fitness habits run on auto-pilot as soon as possible, in order to focus on something else.
I'm still dancing and walking daily and I love it. It has become noticeably easier, which is a sign that my fitness has improved. I'm happy about it, however it's also a bit frustrating because I'm not getting as intensive a workout anymore. I think I will need something more tiring soon. For now I'll develop my musculature to begin with.
How?
I will start with five minutes a day, as the goal is predominantly to learn a new daily habit. Five minutes can make a huge difference for a beginner if the workout is really intensive, anyway.
I have no clue about muscle training. So even though I'll work out for only five minutes a day, I expect that I'll need to spend a lot of time educating myself about the whole thing.
I won't go to the gym. I already tried that in the past. Not my cup of tea. Working on machines and following a strict schedule soon became intolerably boring.
This time I'll train at home and I'll train with no fixed schedule. I will use a few tools like dumbbell, barbell, free weights, but also do bodyweight exercises, and of course play with my beloved kettlebell. I don't know the details of my workouts yet as I expect to learn a lot this coming month. One's for sure, I want it to be fun and playful, and not too organized.
What I already know is that I will definitely train for strength, not for endurance. Training for endurance would mean doing many reps (repetitions) of relatively light exercises or with relatively light weights. I won't do that. Instead I'll do only very few reps, but with the heaviest weights and hardest exercises I can manage to lift or do.
Wish me luck! :-)
lunes, 16 de marzo de 2009
Out of Body Experience
About two and a half years ago I had an awesome out of body experience (OBE) that I would like to share with you. It was very impressive to fly around without my body!
It was in summer and I was staying with my family for a month. It's a farm there, with a lake a few hundred meters away from the house.
One late night, right before going to sleep, I was lying on my bed to relax a bit. I was very tired and fell into a state of half-sleep or very deep relaxation. Suddenly, I felt slowly pulled out of my body. I totally didn't understand what was going on! It was very strange to feel myself separating slowly from my body. It's a weird sensation.
Then I saw myself from above lying on the bed with closed eyes. I wondered what happened to me. For some reason I thought about going outside, and whoop! I immediately passed through the (closed) door and was outside!
I was floating about two or three meters above the ground and could move just by thinking of where I wanted to go to. It was great not to have any weight! So I decided to go to the lake. Since I had arrived at the farm I hadn't found the time to go and see it, and I love this lake. So, why not now, I thought.
I followed the path to the lake, down to the river through the trees, across the river, up on the other side, over a meadow... always floating. I saw a wild pig (there are lots of them there) and an owl, everything was as it would really be. It was very realistic. The pig and owl didn't seem to notice me, I wondered if they could feel me.
When I arrived to the lake, I was very surprised: a hedge between two hayfields, which had always been there since I can remember, was missing! Everything else was exactly like it really was, but this one hedge was just missing.
That scared me a little. It just wasn't normal. "What the fuck is going on here!" I wondered. Suddenly I thought I should not go too far, or I could lose the connection to my body and never be able to reintegrate it! The idea I could remain bodyless and live the rest of my life in this abstract form made me feel very uncomfortable. I thought it would be just terrible to see everything without being able to interact with the world. I also didn't like the idea that my body was lying somewhere all alone and vulnerable. "What if something happens to it while I'm away?" I feared.
So I decided to go back. It still was a very pleasant feeling to float around just by thinking of it. As I arrived to the trees near the river, I asked myself "Why should I follow the path, if I can fly I'll just jump over the trees!" and whoop, I jumped over the trees. It was fun!
I went through the closed door again and saw myself still lying on the bed with closed eyes. I didn't know how to reintegrate my body properly, so I just went into it, tried to fill it entirely and then kept very quiet without moving, listening to my heartbeats and hoping it would work somehow. After a long, long time, I carefully tried to move a few toes, then my fingers, then my face... it was ok, I was back in. I got up and walked around a little, happy to feel my weight again.
All this isn't that extraordinary so far, it could be possible that I imagined the whole thing. After all I know the way to the lake very well. But the really amazing thing is that a few days later, I went to the lake again, this time together with my physical body and my mother. And the hedge was missing.
It really was missing! Everything was exactly the way I saw it while flying around. "Where's the hedge?!" I almost screamed. "Oh, your uncle cut it off in spring, to make one large meadow from the two little ones" my mother said.
So, I'm convinced I really was there that night, and I really was flying around without my body. If I had imagined the whole trip to the lake, in such a realistic way, I would have included the hedge. Why would I have chosen to leave it out? I had never seen the lake without it and didn't know it wasn't there anymore. And if my subconscious had decided to just twist one detail, why exactly the one detail that turned out to actually have changed in reality? The probability for such a coincidence happening is so low that it's more likely that I really had an OBE.
It was a really cool experience! :-)
Now I regret a bit that I didn't play around more. I could have done many fun things, like going through more doors, jumping over houses, observing sleeping people or playing Santa Claus in the chimney.
For some reason I never tried to leave my body again though. I don't know why exactly, maybe because I have no clue how I did it in the first place. It just happened and wasn't intentional. I wouldn't know how to do it again.
What I know is that the summer when it happened was the only time in my life when I was doing a lot of energy work, often and regularly, and I think this might have played a crucial role. What I was doing was:
kinesiology exercises three times a day every day, with
additional EFT when needed, followed by
meditation three times a day, plus
chakra cleansing every day.
In case having an OBE is a goal of yours, maybe practicing the above would be a possible starting point. I'm sorry I cannot give you any other advice!
One's for sure, if being dead feels like that, we really have no reason to fear death. :-)
I wish you a wonderful day!
It was in summer and I was staying with my family for a month. It's a farm there, with a lake a few hundred meters away from the house.
One late night, right before going to sleep, I was lying on my bed to relax a bit. I was very tired and fell into a state of half-sleep or very deep relaxation. Suddenly, I felt slowly pulled out of my body. I totally didn't understand what was going on! It was very strange to feel myself separating slowly from my body. It's a weird sensation.
Then I saw myself from above lying on the bed with closed eyes. I wondered what happened to me. For some reason I thought about going outside, and whoop! I immediately passed through the (closed) door and was outside!
I was floating about two or three meters above the ground and could move just by thinking of where I wanted to go to. It was great not to have any weight! So I decided to go to the lake. Since I had arrived at the farm I hadn't found the time to go and see it, and I love this lake. So, why not now, I thought.
I followed the path to the lake, down to the river through the trees, across the river, up on the other side, over a meadow... always floating. I saw a wild pig (there are lots of them there) and an owl, everything was as it would really be. It was very realistic. The pig and owl didn't seem to notice me, I wondered if they could feel me.
When I arrived to the lake, I was very surprised: a hedge between two hayfields, which had always been there since I can remember, was missing! Everything else was exactly like it really was, but this one hedge was just missing.
That scared me a little. It just wasn't normal. "What the fuck is going on here!" I wondered. Suddenly I thought I should not go too far, or I could lose the connection to my body and never be able to reintegrate it! The idea I could remain bodyless and live the rest of my life in this abstract form made me feel very uncomfortable. I thought it would be just terrible to see everything without being able to interact with the world. I also didn't like the idea that my body was lying somewhere all alone and vulnerable. "What if something happens to it while I'm away?" I feared.
So I decided to go back. It still was a very pleasant feeling to float around just by thinking of it. As I arrived to the trees near the river, I asked myself "Why should I follow the path, if I can fly I'll just jump over the trees!" and whoop, I jumped over the trees. It was fun!
I went through the closed door again and saw myself still lying on the bed with closed eyes. I didn't know how to reintegrate my body properly, so I just went into it, tried to fill it entirely and then kept very quiet without moving, listening to my heartbeats and hoping it would work somehow. After a long, long time, I carefully tried to move a few toes, then my fingers, then my face... it was ok, I was back in. I got up and walked around a little, happy to feel my weight again.
All this isn't that extraordinary so far, it could be possible that I imagined the whole thing. After all I know the way to the lake very well. But the really amazing thing is that a few days later, I went to the lake again, this time together with my physical body and my mother. And the hedge was missing.
It really was missing! Everything was exactly the way I saw it while flying around. "Where's the hedge?!" I almost screamed. "Oh, your uncle cut it off in spring, to make one large meadow from the two little ones" my mother said.
So, I'm convinced I really was there that night, and I really was flying around without my body. If I had imagined the whole trip to the lake, in such a realistic way, I would have included the hedge. Why would I have chosen to leave it out? I had never seen the lake without it and didn't know it wasn't there anymore. And if my subconscious had decided to just twist one detail, why exactly the one detail that turned out to actually have changed in reality? The probability for such a coincidence happening is so low that it's more likely that I really had an OBE.
It was a really cool experience! :-)
Now I regret a bit that I didn't play around more. I could have done many fun things, like going through more doors, jumping over houses, observing sleeping people or playing Santa Claus in the chimney.
For some reason I never tried to leave my body again though. I don't know why exactly, maybe because I have no clue how I did it in the first place. It just happened and wasn't intentional. I wouldn't know how to do it again.
What I know is that the summer when it happened was the only time in my life when I was doing a lot of energy work, often and regularly, and I think this might have played a crucial role. What I was doing was:
kinesiology exercises three times a day every day, with
additional EFT when needed, followed by
meditation three times a day, plus
chakra cleansing every day.
In case having an OBE is a goal of yours, maybe practicing the above would be a possible starting point. I'm sorry I cannot give you any other advice!
One's for sure, if being dead feels like that, we really have no reason to fear death. :-)
I wish you a wonderful day!
martes, 10 de marzo de 2009
Language Fetishism
I love learning foreign languages! It's so much fun. My favorite way of procrastinating. Especially when I discover a new language that I like. I can get so hooked on it that I forget about everything else and spend hours and days doing nothing but listening to it, reading it, and trying to figure out how it works. I also love teaching the languages I already speak. And most of all I love talking about grammar, phonetics or etymology.
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
Actually, all of the above is a big sexual turn-on for me. Languages are just damn sexy. I think I have a language fetish.
Linguistic polyamory
I'm in love with many languages, each one in its own way.
My newest discovery is Norwegian. It's so interesting! Did you know that there are actually two official written languages in Norway, called Nynorsk and Bokmål, and plenty of different spoken dialects? I didn't know until recently. Before meeting Víkþórr I had never seen or heard any Norwegian. But he introduced it to me and since then I'm having such a big crush on Norwegian. It's fascinating. And VERY sexy.
At the moment I'm learning Høgnorsk, a puristic version of Nynorsk (I am a purist, I can't help it). I definitely want to go live in Norway for a while, to get really good in Norwegian. I find Høgnorsk terribly arousing. Its grammar is hot. When I learn new words I am so happy! And when I succeed in crafting some correct sentences, then it's simple, I just feel like immediately having sex.
I also love Romanian. A few years ago I heard this song by accident on the radio. It's one of those pop songs that I would hardly listen to normally. But when I heard the language, oh my! I was beside myself with joy!
One of my travel projects is to cross the Carpates by foot, so I want to discover Romania anyway. The language will be one additional reason to go.
Many years ago I fell madly in love with Russian, and this never changed. It happened when I watched a movie by Nikita Mikhalkov called Pyat vecherov. I really liked the movie, but most of all, it was the very first time I got to hear some Russian, and that was... love at first sight. Erm, audition.
I feel very passionate about Russian. Somehow I never managed to learn it, but I will, I swear it. And I definitely want to live in Russia for a while too. I'm totally in love with the country, the literature, the people, just everything. And the language of course. Russian is one of the sexiest languages ever. When I hear it, I just melt.
Another extremely sexy language is Icelandic! I haven't heard much of it yet, but what I heard swept me off my feet. A man speaking Icelandic with me in bed would probably make me lose my mind out of sheer ecstasy.
I feel sweetly romantic towards Tibetan. Last year I heard a voice in my head saying "Tibet, music" to me. I didn't know anything about Tibet back then so this was quite surprising! After discovering Tibetan music and listening to those songs, I fell in love with the language too. This love is peaceful though and seems to come more from my heart and less from below my waist. ;-)
My other linguistic projects involve learning Japanese at last, refreshing my rusty Spanish, and improving my English until it's fluent.
English is a pain in the ass. Maybe it's because I'm French, but I have a hard time speaking it. I dislike opening my mouth as wide as if I were trying to swallow a hot potato. It's so totally not elegant. But I love the bitch anyway. Some day I'll end up handcuffing and laying it.
I miss Spanish a lot. Haven't spoken it in about ten years. And I've forgotten almost everything. :-( In school I didn't like it at all, I found it ugly. Later I met people from Ecuador and discovered South American Spanish. That I totally loved. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It touches my heart. South America is another place I'd like to live in for a while. Especially Argentina, to get to dance some tango argentino. :-)
As for Japanese, it's been a love interest of mine for a long time now. One of those you look at from afar and sigh.
I already speak German and French fluently. We're married. :D I recently discovered that teaching them is exciting though. When I talk about their grammar or history I do feel passionate about them again.
There are unhappy loves, too. I tried to learn Chinese and gave up after a couple months, knowing very well that I'd never be able to speak it with no accent. Same with Arabic, trying to pronounce it is futile. I don't want to learn only the written language in Chinese and Arabic. Both are very beautiful, but this would be like having a relationship without sex. ;-)
Some languages are sexier than others. For example for me personally, Italian isn't sexy. I've been in Italy, I was happy of course when I was able to understand what people said, but I didn't feel in love or excited or anything like that. Italian is nice, but it doesn't arouse me. It's in the friend zone. :p
Why are (some) languages so sexy?
I don't know.
I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe it's the way they sound. Hearing them just turns me on. Or maybe it's the logic their grammar is based on. Or maybe languages just are to me what feet are to others?
Learning foreign languages is very exciting. For me each new language is an additional degree of freedom. I don't think and feel in language A the way I think and feel in language B. So speaking a foreign language is like switching personalities in some way. Some things also can be expressed easily or elegantly in one language and laboriously or heavily in the other one. Juggling between languages allows me greater freedom and is a lot of fun.
Of course there is the communication aspect. Languages enable us to communicate, especially with people who live in a completely different culture. Alone learning their language, even without talking to them, is a way of understanding them better. That's very interesting! I'm fascinated by communication in all its forms, be it spoken language, language of signs, body language, languages of other animals, dancing, sex, telepathy, psychic abilities, electromagnetic waves, music, programming languages, theory of codes, or cryptography.
Languages allow me to play. I love learning about the history of the words I use, playing on their connotations, or playing with linguistic levels. This can be challenging. For example adapting the language level to the content of what you want to say isn't that self-evident when you're not using your mother tongue. Or creating inappropriate word combinations, that's so much fun! For example "Thou shall not utter a shitload of balderdash". XD
I enjoy experimenting with style. There's definitely an aesthetic aspect in speaking a language, be it our mother tongue or some foreign language. How to creatively design the most elegant or beautiful or accurate sentence? Words have a past, an aura and a soul. We have a relationship with each one of them. Some words are cute, lovely, endearing. Others just sound funny, or obnoxious. Others again are scary, they look terrible. Don't you relate to words this way? :-)
And then there's the technical aspect. I guess that is what's really hot. I can't help it, I love grammar. Grammar is so fucking sexy. Learning about the syntax of a language, figuring out how it works, what its most intimate mechanisms are - all that is highly erotic. It totally turns me on to talk about comma rules or about the position of the verb in the sentence. I don't know why. The same way I find Linux sexy or get horny when I prove a mathematical theorem I'm also aroused by the technical aspects of languages.
After all, our primary sexual organ is our brain. So, intellectual masturbation is a valid stimulation. ;-)
I've never had sex with another language fetishist, so I don't know what it would feel like to talk about grammar or in several languages while making love - but I imagine this would be totally hot. :D
lunes, 9 de marzo de 2009
Grounding for Vegans and Raw Fooders
A dear friend of mine recently went high-raw and completely vegan. He told me he feels mentally too light now, and has a hard time concentrating on deep thoughts.
I know this phenomenon very well. Cooked foods, and especially meat and dairy, are very heavy. They sit in us like stones and drag us down. So when you quit eating them, you might take off like a rocket. This can be very confusing!
I had a hard time dealing with this lightness too when I went raw. It felt so unusual and even scary. I had concentration problems, sometimes I could not even hold a thought long enough to think logically.
If this is happening to you, don't worry: it'll pass. Or rather, it won't pass, you will remain that light. But you will get used to it. After a while it feels normal, and your mental abilities will come back.
What helps is to eat heavier raw foods, like bananas, avocados, nuts, dried fruit or sprouts. Depending on which raw diet you chose this might not be ideal, but it'll help you not to freak out.
Here's also an exercise I've put together from diverse sources. I find it very useful in order to stay grounded. I do it every time I feel I'm "taking off". Maybe it can help you too?
1) Stand with your arms hanging down passively. Breathe white light into your belly and then breathe out forcefully, imagine you breathe dirt out. Let your shoulders hang heavily while breathing out. Do this three times or more. Every time you breathe out, you normally sink into the earth a little bit more and become heavier.
2) Then stay in this heavy position and feel the energy in all your body parts, one after the other. Feel the energy in your feet, in your legs, ... and so on. Then feel your body from inside as a whole energy field. Feel it vibrate. Go deeper and deeper into your body. That's basically what Eckhart Tolle explains in the Power of Now and it's also the first part of the Presence Meditation I'm talking about here.
3) Imagine enormous roots growing out of your feet and into the earth, miles and miles deep, anchoring you solidly into the ground. Imagine the same "roots" but made of light reaching very high up into the sky to act as a sender/receiver for your connection to the Universe (or Source or God or whatever else you believe in).
4) Hold your hands as if you were praying and center yourself. Feel centered in your axis. If you're still floating around at this point, let energy flow from you upper chakras into your lower chakras.
5) If you want, imagine a bulb of shining white light surrounding you to protect you.
The energy healers I met said to me "The more you're grounded, the more you'll be powerful".
Hope this helps! I wish you a wonderful day today. :-)
PS: A note on "raw fooder": I generally don't use the term "raw foodist" because the suffix "-ist" is often used to designate the follower of an ideology. That's an association I'd like to avoid. For me, eating raw foods certainly is based on ethical and political reasons among many others, but I see it primarily as a simple lifestyle choice. I'm someone who happens to eat raw foods, so I'm a raw fooder, just like someone who smokes is a smoker and someone who enjoys dancing is a dancer. You don't talk about dancists or smokists, do you? :p
I know this phenomenon very well. Cooked foods, and especially meat and dairy, are very heavy. They sit in us like stones and drag us down. So when you quit eating them, you might take off like a rocket. This can be very confusing!
I had a hard time dealing with this lightness too when I went raw. It felt so unusual and even scary. I had concentration problems, sometimes I could not even hold a thought long enough to think logically.
If this is happening to you, don't worry: it'll pass. Or rather, it won't pass, you will remain that light. But you will get used to it. After a while it feels normal, and your mental abilities will come back.
What helps is to eat heavier raw foods, like bananas, avocados, nuts, dried fruit or sprouts. Depending on which raw diet you chose this might not be ideal, but it'll help you not to freak out.
Here's also an exercise I've put together from diverse sources. I find it very useful in order to stay grounded. I do it every time I feel I'm "taking off". Maybe it can help you too?
1) Stand with your arms hanging down passively. Breathe white light into your belly and then breathe out forcefully, imagine you breathe dirt out. Let your shoulders hang heavily while breathing out. Do this three times or more. Every time you breathe out, you normally sink into the earth a little bit more and become heavier.
2) Then stay in this heavy position and feel the energy in all your body parts, one after the other. Feel the energy in your feet, in your legs, ... and so on. Then feel your body from inside as a whole energy field. Feel it vibrate. Go deeper and deeper into your body. That's basically what Eckhart Tolle explains in the Power of Now and it's also the first part of the Presence Meditation I'm talking about here.
3) Imagine enormous roots growing out of your feet and into the earth, miles and miles deep, anchoring you solidly into the ground. Imagine the same "roots" but made of light reaching very high up into the sky to act as a sender/receiver for your connection to the Universe (or Source or God or whatever else you believe in).
4) Hold your hands as if you were praying and center yourself. Feel centered in your axis. If you're still floating around at this point, let energy flow from you upper chakras into your lower chakras.
5) If you want, imagine a bulb of shining white light surrounding you to protect you.
The energy healers I met said to me "The more you're grounded, the more you'll be powerful".
Hope this helps! I wish you a wonderful day today. :-)
PS: A note on "raw fooder": I generally don't use the term "raw foodist" because the suffix "-ist" is often used to designate the follower of an ideology. That's an association I'd like to avoid. For me, eating raw foods certainly is based on ethical and political reasons among many others, but I see it primarily as a simple lifestyle choice. I'm someone who happens to eat raw foods, so I'm a raw fooder, just like someone who smokes is a smoker and someone who enjoys dancing is a dancer. You don't talk about dancists or smokists, do you? :p
viernes, 6 de marzo de 2009
A Few More Beautiful Tibetan Songs
As some of you know, I'm fond of contemporary Tibetan music. I already shared many of my favorite songs here. Now I found a few more that I absolutely love and thought I'd share them too.
The Dalai Lama song. Isn't it beautiful?
A song by Tsetan, Choedar & Nyimdol: Lokphepdang. Every time I listen to this song, I feel deeply in love. :o
This one by Gangshuk: Mani Dobum. Live, with costumes and choreography.
Kunsel Woenhang by Kunga Tenzin.
And recently I discovered Sherten: Nhing Tam.
Such beautiful music just makes me very happy! You not? :-)
The Dalai Lama song. Isn't it beautiful?
A song by Tsetan, Choedar & Nyimdol: Lokphepdang. Every time I listen to this song, I feel deeply in love. :o
This one by Gangshuk: Mani Dobum. Live, with costumes and choreography.
Kunsel Woenhang by Kunga Tenzin.
And recently I discovered Sherten: Nhing Tam.
Such beautiful music just makes me very happy! You not? :-)
sábado, 21 de febrero de 2009
One New Habit a Month Challenge #2: Polyphasic Sleep
Hi all! I'm back. :-) This is my monthly One New Habit a Month Challenge report.
Month #1
From January 19th to February 19th I implemented five new daily habits: dancing for at least 15 minutes a day, walking for at least 30 minutes a day, meditating for at least 5 minutes a day, cleansing and opening my chakras once a day and what I called "spiritual connection", which basically consisted in saying some kind of "prayer".
I'm very, very happy that I started dancing daily! It didn't feel like discipline at all. On the contrary, it felt like giving myself permission to do it, at last. I'm having the time of my life jumping around in underwear, making faces and performing the most insane looking moves in front of the living room mirror. (No, I will not post a picture! :p) Sometimes I dance tango with an imaginary partner, too, and then I feel deeply happy.
At first it was fifteen minutes, then I ignored the timer and kept dancing for thirty minutes. Now it's more like thirty minutes two or three times a day. I just love it. In the morning I want to dance, in the afternoon I want to dance, in the evening I want to dance... I need it. This new habit is an extremely empowering one!
Walking feels more like giving myself permission to go out and walk as well. I usually spend way more than half an hour a day walking. in average about two hours. I've always loved walking. I think I need some more intensive exercise, or else at some point I'll end up spending my entire day walking (and dancing). But until I find an appropriate activity I'll keep walking daily.
The meditation, chakra stuff and spiritual connection habits went fine, but I will skip them this month. Not that I don't like them - I do. But this month I'll be trying out a polyphasic sleep schedule. I suspect this is going to be really difficult (I'm very sleepy right now, for example) and I'm afraid that if I sit down to do quiet things like those three, I'd fall asleep!
Month #2
The time between February 20th and March 19th will be devoted to polyphasic sleep. That's something I've wanted to try out for a long time now.
I seem to gain energy rapidly by sleeping, but also to spend it rapidly when I'm awake. I often sleep only for short times, three or four hours, then I wake up perfectly awake and fit. But then that's not enough for the entire day, so I need to sleep again after a few hours. I naturally tend to sleep two or three times a day. So polyphasic sleep seems appropriate for me.
Now Víkþórr is going polyphasic and I'm spontaneously using this great opportunity to do it too. :-)
I'll sleep max. 30 minutes at a time, and wait 90 minutes between the end of one nap and the beginning of the next one. That's the only rules I want to follow. I'm allergic to schedules and such, so I don't want to have fixed nap times or a fixed number of naps a day. I'll keep it as flexible as possible.
I sleep on the carpet in the living room. I want to avoid the temptation of staying in bed! But sleeping on the floor also is one of my long-term health goals anyway (the other one being washing myself only with cold water) so I'm quite happy about that. I've been sleeping without a pillow for a very long time now and I absolutely love lying on the floor. :-)
So far I've had two naps last night. The first one was very confusing. After the second one, I felt like dying. The only reason I managed to get up was that Víkþórr was counting on me. I'm afraid not to wake up without him. And I dream weird stuff. I'm extremely tired of course.
Wish me luck. :-)
Month #1
From January 19th to February 19th I implemented five new daily habits: dancing for at least 15 minutes a day, walking for at least 30 minutes a day, meditating for at least 5 minutes a day, cleansing and opening my chakras once a day and what I called "spiritual connection", which basically consisted in saying some kind of "prayer".
I'm very, very happy that I started dancing daily! It didn't feel like discipline at all. On the contrary, it felt like giving myself permission to do it, at last. I'm having the time of my life jumping around in underwear, making faces and performing the most insane looking moves in front of the living room mirror. (No, I will not post a picture! :p) Sometimes I dance tango with an imaginary partner, too, and then I feel deeply happy.
At first it was fifteen minutes, then I ignored the timer and kept dancing for thirty minutes. Now it's more like thirty minutes two or three times a day. I just love it. In the morning I want to dance, in the afternoon I want to dance, in the evening I want to dance... I need it. This new habit is an extremely empowering one!
Walking feels more like giving myself permission to go out and walk as well. I usually spend way more than half an hour a day walking. in average about two hours. I've always loved walking. I think I need some more intensive exercise, or else at some point I'll end up spending my entire day walking (and dancing). But until I find an appropriate activity I'll keep walking daily.
The meditation, chakra stuff and spiritual connection habits went fine, but I will skip them this month. Not that I don't like them - I do. But this month I'll be trying out a polyphasic sleep schedule. I suspect this is going to be really difficult (I'm very sleepy right now, for example) and I'm afraid that if I sit down to do quiet things like those three, I'd fall asleep!
Month #2
The time between February 20th and March 19th will be devoted to polyphasic sleep. That's something I've wanted to try out for a long time now.
I seem to gain energy rapidly by sleeping, but also to spend it rapidly when I'm awake. I often sleep only for short times, three or four hours, then I wake up perfectly awake and fit. But then that's not enough for the entire day, so I need to sleep again after a few hours. I naturally tend to sleep two or three times a day. So polyphasic sleep seems appropriate for me.
Now Víkþórr is going polyphasic and I'm spontaneously using this great opportunity to do it too. :-)
I'll sleep max. 30 minutes at a time, and wait 90 minutes between the end of one nap and the beginning of the next one. That's the only rules I want to follow. I'm allergic to schedules and such, so I don't want to have fixed nap times or a fixed number of naps a day. I'll keep it as flexible as possible.
I sleep on the carpet in the living room. I want to avoid the temptation of staying in bed! But sleeping on the floor also is one of my long-term health goals anyway (the other one being washing myself only with cold water) so I'm quite happy about that. I've been sleeping without a pillow for a very long time now and I absolutely love lying on the floor. :-)
So far I've had two naps last night. The first one was very confusing. After the second one, I felt like dying. The only reason I managed to get up was that Víkþórr was counting on me. I'm afraid not to wake up without him. And I dream weird stuff. I'm extremely tired of course.
Wish me luck. :-)
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