sábado, 23 de mayo de 2009

Easy exercise to build self-confidence

Here’s a nice little exercise to help you build self-confidence, especially in social situations. I didn’t invent it, it's pretty common. But I’d like to bring it to your awareness in case you didn’t know it yet, because I found it to be very valuable. I used it for years and it helped me a lot.

Walk your line

Go for a walk. Go to the mall, or pick a busy street in the city center. One way or another the place needs to be quite crowded.

While you are walking, visualize a line on the ground that represents your trajectory. This line has to be straight. The goal of the exercise is to stay on this course no matter what.

When two persons meet on the street and happen to be on collision course, at least one of them has to deviate from his or her path, or else they’d bump into each other. If you observe people on the street, you’ll notice that the actual confrontation in such a case does not happen when they meet. It happens one or two minutes before that, when they are about 10m away from each other and realize that they will collide if they stay on their current course.

Then what happens is generally that one person takes a few steps to the side while walking in order to avoid the collision. Sometimes both of them deviate just slightly from their course, but in my experience usually one person stays on course and the other one goes out of the other person's trajectory. Who that is depends on lots of subtle body language signals.

All this usually happens on a subconscious level. The people involved might not even notice what's going on. The one who sidestepped the other one might not even be aware of it.

Now our exercise consists of having you walk down this crowded place and stay on your straight line no matter what. Stay on course. Do NOT deviate from your path. When you meet someone, pay attention to the unspoken confrontation taking place, and stand your ground.

Walk slowly. It's not about running around and bumping into people. The goal is to walk, slowly, peacefully, on "your" line, and have everybody else make way, without you ever having to sidestep.

Do it out of Love

There are two ways you can practice this exercise.

You can do it with the goal to dominate others, to become stronger than they are, and to impose them your will. That's a valid choice. It's uninteresting to me personally because I consider it to be rooted in fear. Without fear, there's just no need for dominating others.

You can do it out of love just as well. This exercise is an excellent way of affirming "Here I am. I exist, I am worthy and important. Others acknowledge this by going out of my way. I know what I want, and I am good enough to deserve getting it." And if you practice this exercise regularly, you will progressively learn that this affirmation is true.

If you lack self-confidence, can't look people into the eyes, or often go out of their way on the street, this is not good for the world. First, you aren't living up to your true potential. The world needs your true potential. Second, you're likely to feel not that great. This generates bad vibrations, and those vibrations affect everybody else in some way. You are not doing the world a favor by being weak. Gaining strength and self-confidence makes you vibrate higher and this will positively affect others as well.

So, do it for the highest good of all.

You don't need to be dominant or aggressive when you're doing this exercise. This is not a power struggle. You're not "winning" or "beating them" when you get to stay on your course and they deviate from theirs. See it as a favor they're doing you, an acknowledgment of your presence and worth. Thank them mentally (or out loud).

Acknowledge them in return. Look at them, look into their eyes. You can smile if you want to. Be open and friendly. Btw, this exercise is an excellent way of connecting with strangers as well.


If you really lack self-confidence, this can be a very tough exercise. You might feel awkward, ashamed, shy, even guilty or scared. I for sure felt this way when I had no friends and started with this exercise!

Here are a few tips to help you:

As I already said, don't see it as a power struggle, but as an act of love towards yourself and the world. This helps a lot.

Keep your back straight. Not because it makes you come across as more self-confident, but because when your back is straight, the energy flows more easily though your body, and then you just feel much better and more powerful.

As a side note, I am no fan of trying to impress others by adopting certain body postures. This is fake. Faking brings you out of alignment with integrity. It's useless anyway. At some point the truth will come out about you, so you'd rather stand by what you are. That's why I never work with controlling body language and such tricks. If you don't like what you are, don't fake. Change.

Look into the eyes of the people you meet, from the moment you notice them until the moment they walk past you. Again, not in order to come across as dominant or self-confident, but simply because it will feel better. It's a good way of building courage, and you'll probably be more happy if you succeed at this exercise with eye contact than if you succeed without eye contact. Just try it out.

What could also help you is to imagine that you are a ship in the sea. You know how the waves break at the nose of the ship and slide along its sides? That is how the crowd will open up to let you walk your path.


I readily sidestep when meeting people for whom going out of my way would be tiring or otherwise difficult. For example blind people, people in wheelchairs, old people who have a hard time walking, people with little children, people carrying heavy things, etc. They'd need to make a huge additional effort in order for me to stay on course. In such cases, the loving thing for me to do is just to go out of their way.

A matter of mindset

Being good at this exercise does NOT depend on your body size, social status, physical strength, gender, attractiveness, money or clothes. I am a very short, overweight woman, usually running around in jeans or sweat pants. Nothing about me signalizes dominance or high social status. AND I'm really good at this exercise. It's not about such things. The mechanisms of human behavior are way more complex than that.

It's all in your head!

Believe that you are worthy, important and strong, and that you deserve the space you are occupying. Know exactly what you want (walking on this line and no other one). Be determined to stand your ground no matter what. They'll all go out of your way.

Try it out! It's a lot of fun!

miércoles, 20 de mayo de 2009

One New Habit a Month Challenge #5: Blogging

There are so many great daily habits that I'd like to adopt. Every month I have a hard time choosing. This time, I let my intuition guide me. It told me that the most appropriate new habit now is "blogging every day for at least one hour".

I'm surprised. There are many other habits which I would find way more important. For example early rising, or learning a foreign language. Actually I never thought of blogging as a potential daily habit! But when I asked my Higher Self which new habit would be most aligned with my goals and purpose now, this is what I got. I have no clue why, but hey, I trust my Higher Self unconditionally, so let's do it!

So I will be blogging for at least one hour every day this month. It doesn't mean that I will publish one post a day. For most of my drafts I will need way more than an hour. But I will be working on it daily.

I'm happy I'll give myself permission to express all the things I have in my head. There is so much I want to write about. Sometimes I even have entire blog posts download into my mind instantly and it's frustrating not to take the time to write them down. And all those unfinished drafts! Time to kick all of the stuff out.

Month 4: developing intuition

The past month was very, very exciting. I'm SO happy I chose to work on my intuition. It was an excellent decision.

I'm still working through Unlock your Intuition by Andrea Hess. The book is fantastic. I'm able to ask yes/no questions to my Higher Self now, and I'm in the process of learning open-ended questions as well. I also signed up for Andrea's six weeks Ignite your Intuition class, which is a slightly different approach, and just as great.

I absolutely love intuitive work. I will definitely continue to do it daily.

I'll write a separate post about it for those interested in psychic and spiritual stuff.

Have a wonderful day! :-)