miércoles, 21 de abril de 2010

Give Up! You Can Never Get It Right Anyway

There will always be people who don't like you - so instead of trying to please those around you, you better be boldly yourself and attract more suitable people into your life.

When I had my hair completely shaved off for over a year, some men found that extremely sexy. For others it was a huge turn-off. Some people told me with admiration that my shaved head looked great, and others frowned and said it was damn ugly. Some thought I was really cool for shaving my head as a woman, others found it unfeminine, inappropriate, a pity, a shame.

No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you behave, no matter what you look like, there will always be people who like you, and people who dislike you. There will always be people who approve of you, and people who disapprove of you.

It is impossible to please everybody. Impossible to ever get it right. No matter how much you try, you will always have it wrong anyway. Somewhere, someone will not like what you are.

The good news is that somewhere, someone always will also love what you are.

We can try to fit in, guess what the people around us want, and please them. We can also invest our energy into attracting people who love what we are, and let go of the others. Sounds like a much smarter move to me.

Being Ourselves is Smarter

When we bend ourselves to suit others, they feel that incongruency in us. Something about us does not feel quite right, even if they don't know what. That is not attractive. You won't be very successful that way, and the people you'll attract will be people who are not fully aligned with integrity and authenticity themselves. Like attracts like. Do you want to be in relationships with such people?

Doing things that are not who we truly are at our core costs a lot of energy. It is tiring, it makes us unhappy. We don't feel as fulfilled as we do when we allow ourselves to freely express our soul.

Bold self-expression, happiness and personal fulfillment are keys to attracting loving people into our life. People love people who are happy and fulfilled. It makes them happy as well. Such an energy is contagious. But you can't be really happy when you betray yourself.

Most of all, people love people who are uncompromisingly themselves. I guess it comes across as self-confident, courageous, independent and original, all of which is attractive. But I bet it is more than that. We just feel it when someone is being in touch with their true self. Such individuals shine a light that cannot be replaced by anything else.

Not to mention that our quirks and flaws often are some of the most charming facets of our character! The world would be poorer for our not sharing them.

How can you boldly express yourself today? :-)

martes, 13 de abril de 2010

How to be Competitive as a Scanner

Question: "In a competitive economy, how can a scanner do a project that can hold its own against one made by a focused individual?"

My Take on This:

As a scanner, we can be competitive by being uncompromisingly authentic.

Be Yourself

Our economy is not truly competitive. At an energetic level, we resonate with certain products or service providers, and not with others. We might compare offerings and prices, but in the end we buy things we resonate with from people we resonate with.

By being totally yourself, you will attract people who resonate with you, and they will love you. Then it does not matter how many other people do things that are seemingly similar to what you do.

If you manage to be who you are at your very core, to really own your gifts and express them in the work you do, you will create such a unique product or service that it cannot be compared anymore. It will be outstanding, because you are outstanding.

Be a Scanner

If you are a scanner, be a scanner. Be authentic in that too!

The best way for a scanner to be productive is to respect their scanner nature and to adapt their time-management and project-management strategies to it. If they try to work like specialists, they will procrastinate, suffer and get poor results. But if they embrace their scanner nature and are true to themselves  in that respect, they are just as competent as other people.

How exactly to adapt your project-management to your personality will depend on which kind of scanner you are and which kind of project you have in mind.

Cyclical scanners in particular tend to be slower at completing their projects because of working on many things at the same time. Often this does not matter, though. I'm writing an Introduction to Linux Shell Commands for beginners. I do plenty of other things as well, so of course I am slower than a computer scientist who does nothing else all day. So what? When some day I'll publish it, it can be just as good as what such a computer scientist who does nothing else all day could write. It won't matter how long it took me to write it. And since I am putting my very own loving personality into it, instead of writing it in dry man page style, it will be a truly unique product.

Now if you are working on a project that is time-sensitive, where you need to focus on the same thing for many hours every day, and where your personality matters zero.... are you sure you are doing the right job? As a scanner, you must suffer like hell. Why do you stay there? Being ourselves also means picking a career that fits our personality, not bending ourselves to fit our job. That would be kinda backwards. After all, our job is here to serve us, not the other way around.

Use your Strengths

Being a scanner does not only mean adapting what you do and when you do it to your personality. It also means that your way of thinking is different. Even when working on the same problem as a non-scanner, you will think in a less linear way. Scanners are great at drawing parallels, at connecting the dots, or at integrating knowledge from other life areas or fields of activity. I highly recommend you to actively use these strengths.

Instead of discarding "inappropriate" ideas and trying to focus on one field or one process, welcome seemingly unrelated, intuitive input, and act on it. Often, unrelated stuff ends up not being that unrelated after all. Ask yourself how you could integrate this into your project, how this could serve or inspire you. Connect the dots. This can lead to very interesting results! Your original solutions could be exactly what makes you highly competitive.

Authenticity is Key

To be competitive as scanners, we need to be absolutely authentic. We need to get in touch with ourselves, express our gifts in the most honest way and put our personality into our work. This way we create unique products and services and attract people who resonate with us. We need to adapt our way of working to our scanner nature in order to be productive and have fun. And instead of trying to be what we are not, we need to play on our strengths, especially our non-linear, creative, eclectic way of thinking.

If you want to know more about yourself and learn about the soul-level gifts and strengths that you are bringing into your human experience, or if you feel that there are facets of you that you haven't been able to fully express until now, you can book a reading with me. I'd love to work with you.

Diet: New Direction

I went back to 80/10/10 last week (was too busy to blog about it), and failed again on the weekend. This is clearly not working for me. So what to do now? I can keep failing until the end of my life, but I actually have more interesting projects to put my energy into. So, I need to tackle this issue differently.

I asked my spirit guides for input and inspiration. I especially asked them what actions I could take that would help me stick to a diet that is healthy for me. Here is what I came up with:

1) Shift in Mindset and Attitude

It's time for me to let go of my aggressive attitude. I got great results with it when I quit smoking, but that was six years ago. I was a completely different person back then. Maybe the old method simply does not work for the new me. I feel it's time for me to apply my non-violent, peaceful attitude also to food.

I resist this change quite a lot. I have years and years of struggle and war against food behind me. I remember writing to Eduardo that being TOO zen bores me. Now is the time to make peace and learn that it is not boring.

I am excellent at shifting my mindset and transforming myself, so I guess this will be easy. From now on, my interaction with food, any food, will happen in a spirit of peace and healing.

2) Intuitive Eating

My intuition tells me to listen to my intuition when it comes to choosing my food, and not to some theories from someone else. After all, I'm a psychic. I rely on my intuition for everything else, why not for food?

I already did an intuitive eating trial in February. It led to huge binges! I was able to clearly hear my intuition, but was unable to follow it, and ate addictive trigger foods instead. But then again, I still had this combative attitude in February. Let's see if the change in mindset will make a difference.

Aside from this food related input, I also got some ideas from my spirit guides that are not directly related to diet. But as you know, intuition is logical. ;)

3) New Hobbies

They advise me to get some new hobbies. Especially activities involving nonhuman animals in some way. I don't know yet what I will do.

4) Driver's License

I have no clue why, but they seem to think that getting my driver's license would help me stick to a healthy diet.

5) First Aid Class

Similarly, they recommend that I take a first aid course.

How exciting! Looking forward to seeing where all this will lead! :-)

lunes, 12 de abril de 2010

How Many VIPs in your Life?

One mistake you can make in your relationships is what I call VIP-thinking. You have VIP-thinking when some people in your life are very important in your eyes: romantic partner(s), parents and children, friends, clients maybe. And then, "the others". These others usually are not considered important. They are often treated with indifference, distance,  coldness or even contempt, whereas the "loved ones" and "important" people get consideration, attention and love.

People prone to VIP-thinking often long for deep connections and loving relationships. They do want to have friends and lovers. They just draw clear boundaries between the VIPs, that they are willing to love,  and the rest of humanity, that they are not willing to love.

VIP-thinking leads to poor results.

If you sow indifference, contempt, distance, coldness and separation, how could you reap unity, warmth, love, deep connections, closeness or respect? These are not a match for each other.

How about this? Love everybody. Give attention, love and respect to everybody. Connect with everybody from your heart and core. Cast love at others and express appreciation for them, no matter who they are.

If you are only willing to love and open up to some people and treat all others like extras, you are not doing yourself a favor. You can only feel fully loved if you vibrate with love  yourself. When you close your heart, look away, build walls, put people in different boxes, or apply conditionality to your feelings, you are not vibrating with love.

There are no VIPs. Everybody is a very important person. Make the whole world your loved ones. You'll feel the same love being reflected at you from all sides.

viernes, 9 de abril de 2010

Intuition IS Logical

Intuition might appear illogical, irrational, non-linear to us - but in hindsight, I often see how reasonable it was and how much logical sense it made.

One reason it appears weird to us is that instead of thinking in a cause-consequence model, intuition works with energies. It might seem illogical to us to go play tennis in order to get the job we want (instead of practicing job interviews, for example) but if playing tennis carries the same energy as the dream job for us, according to the law of resonance it absolutely makes logical sense.

The other reason simply is that our spiritual team knows a lot more than our little mind does! We only have very limited data to base our decisions on. We certainly do our best. But there's just so much that we don't know. Our intuition, however, knows. If the boss of the company we want to get into happens to play tennis too, incidentally in the same club we would go to, so that we'd have a chance to meet him and show him our talent and character there, it definitely makes sense to play tennis instead of practicing job interviews.

Personal Example 1:

Last year at the beginning of the summer, I was 100% raw except for chocolate. I just could not get over my sugar addiction. I kept trying hard and harder, impossible. So I asked my spirit guides for assistance in overcoming my sugar addiction and going 100% raw.

Someone recommended a psychic development audio, and I felt drawn to buying it, so I did. Fine. I did not really pay attention and didn't listen to it because I was focused on solving my sugar problem. Then I kept getting nudges to listen to it. I brushed them aside. Psychic development, yeah, totally fascinating. But right now I want to solve my sugar problem before I start on something new, I said to my guides.

Intuition is persistent. So I kept getting these nudges about this program.

- You could listen to this audio.
- Yeah, sure... But not now. You see, I have this sugar problem, that I asked you for assistance on, btw!
- You could listen to this audio.
- Yes I will! But first the sugar thing, okay! What actions could I take in order to move forward towards my desired outcome of overcoming my sugar addiction?
- How about listening to the audio?

I got really annoyed at my guides.

- Hello?!! Are you stupid or have you smoked pot? I said sugar first!!! >:-(
- Listen to the audio.
- Argh. Shut up. I cannot count on you guys.

After a while of obsessing over my sugar problem and not succeeding, I gave up. Then some day, I had nothing better to do, so I started listening to the psychic development audios. The guy was talking about chakras, nothing really new, I've been doing chakra work for years now.... but then he mentioned that when the third chakra is weak, this can lead to... eating disorders... HAAA!


I could do some energy healing on my own third chakra! I screamed. I totally love energy healing, I want to learn it anyway, so why not practice on myself to strengthen my third chakra? It could help with my sugar addiction, who knows?

So I started doing three or four energy healing sessions a day on my third chakra. At first, nothing happened. After several days I was still eating lots of chocolate. But I kept going with my sessions. After about five days, my chocolate consumption suddenly went down. And after about eight days, I just stopped eating chocolate altogether, naturally. I sticked to a 100% raw, vegan diet for the whole summer after that.

Asking for help in healing a sugar addiction and being told to listen to a psychic development audio might seem weird. But in hindsight, didn't it totally make logical sense? My mind would never have thought of that, simply because my mind cannot know before listening to a CD what is on it. But my team does have access to this information.

Personal Example 2:

Today, in the morning, I was wondering how to best store the paper data about my clients as well as my business and accountancy. I was using many folders and wasn't too happy about it. Then I forgot about the question and got very busy with some very exciting projects.

At some point in the afternoon, I felt strongly compelled to go to a supermarket not that far away from my house. At first I resisted and didn't want to go. I didn't need anything in particular, I don't like supermarkets, and I saw no valid reason to go.

But because in this year since the sugar addiction lesson I have learned that I CAN very much count on my guides and because I have witnessed so many times how much sense their advice always makes, at least in hindsight, I decided to listen to my guts and to go.

And there, I found great ring binders, 100% recycled, with a nice green "Nature Future" label and beautiful colors. I was very happy to see them. They felt totally right for my new business! :D I bought a green one for my clients' data and an ecru one for my business and money stuff. There were only three of them left.

My guides are awesome. :-)

So, next time you have such an irrational, illogical, non-linear, weird, crazy impulse.... remember that intuition IS logical. You just don't consciously know enough yet to understand how.

It might take a leap of faith to follow your inner wisdom and guidance even if you don't see how it makes sense. But the more you trust that it DOES make sense, the more you will be able to work with your intuition in a reliable and fun way. Trust your guides and let them surprise you!

And now you know where you will land when you book a reading with me: in the green Nature Future. ;)

lunes, 5 de abril de 2010

811rv: Days 3, 4 and -1 - Nerves Management

Day 3 was really difficult. I spent the day out of the house with a group of people, some of which I barely knew and some I didn't know at all. It was all very nice - just too much input for me. After a few hours, I got a huge headache and would have loved to go away. I felt tempted to eat a sandwich, not because I wanted a sandwich, but because I knew the bread and fat would numb me out and help me to cope with the situation. But I managed (it's a miracle) to stick to my diet. I didn't eat enough, though. I just had no peace for that.

Most of the day I ran on my emergency batteries just trying to get by. I came home in the evening in a state of great distress and with huge cravings for guacamole, fatty salad, fried mushrooms à la sauce Béchamel and similar things.When I came home my grandma was cooking in the kitchen. That was really difficult. Later I ate with my parents. Munching on my lettuce without dressing while they were eating their deliciously smelling, fatty, salty pumpkin soup was some kind of torture too. I went to bed with a raging headache and cravings.

That night I slept really bad and dreamed that I had sex with three ugly, dangerous, kinda reptilian-like blue monsters that were sent by an obnoxious villain to kill me. I woke up very disturbed.

Days 4 and 5 were better, although I was still feeling weak, vulnerable and in need for protection. I tried to spend as much time as possible alone and in silence. But I also made mistakes. I allowed myself to get caught in some very unpleasant and exhausting situations, like eating with my parents while they were listening to the news, or listening to a rant against our government, that I was too much of a nervous wreck to stop.

When I came home today, the first thing I did was to run to the shop and buy two huge bags of fatty starchy comfort foods (mashed potatoes, cake...). Then I spent several hours eating.


My own responsibility. I should have managed my nerves better.

When people talk about emotional eating, I usually shrug and think this does not apply to me. I'm great at dealing with my emotions without needing food for that thank you very much. But I realize that I use fatty food to regain some balance when my nerves are totally shot and I'm about to break down.

There are lots of situations in my past that I would never have survived without cooked food and for that I am deeply thankful. If I want to let go of it now, though, I can see that I need to change a lot of things about my attitude.

I must 1) avoid to stay in situations that are not good for my nerves, no matter what and 2) draw MUCH clearer boundaries. Even when it's my family or other lovely people. In the future, when some situation feels bad to me, I will just say "STOP" out loud. I won't tolerate this kind of thing anymore.

Additional Insight

My critical time is 2-6pm. Before 2pm I am barely hungry, one fruit smoothie is enough to keep me fit for the whole morning. After 6pm I have no appetite anymore and tend to go to bed very early. Between 2 and 6pm I am hungry as hell. That's also the time when I have cravings and am tempted to eat fat or cooked food. So instead of adopting a breakfast-lunch-dinner model, I'll have one meal early in the morning and then several meals in the afternoon. Should minimize risks.

What Next?

I'm taking the day off my dietary efforts tomorrow and will start over with Day 1 on Wednesday.

I WILL succeed. Even if I keep failing until the end of my life, I won't give up until I manage to stay on 80/10/10 for 365 days in a row. When I was horseback riding in my childhood, I learned that every time you fall, you need to get back on the horse immediately. And I'm stubborn as a donkey. ;)

viernes, 2 de abril de 2010

811rv: Day 2 - Foraging

Everything great today again! Bananas, strawberries, mangoes, tomatoes, celery, and lots of greens. No overt fats.

When I started out on my raw journey, my mom bought a book about edible wild greens and flowers. This afternoon, we took the book and went for a walk to search for dinner. It was a lot of fun. I tested some stuff that was definitely not edible, hehehe. But we also found several kinds of edible yummy greens and made a big salad. It was great! I'm glad I had no dressing on it, this way I could fully appreciate the taste.

811rv: Day 1 - I jumped! :-)

So that's it, I jumped off the cliff!

Day 1 was perfectly successful, I ate nothing but raw fruit and veggies, which is probably closer to 90/5/5 than to 80/10/10.

I was grieving quite a lot. It felt like saying goodbye to something very important. Maybe the old me, maybe my previous relationship with food, I don't know. I felt very sad about my loss.

Another reason I was sad and grieving is that my computer died in the morning. RIP protein. :'( That's why I am writing this report one day late, on my mom's computer. I'm spending the weekend with my family. When I go back home after the weekend, the first thing I'll do is to buy a laptop. If anybody has any advice regarding laptop brands - Linux compatibility, it is welcome. ;)

At some point yesterday I was shopping for food and almost bought some bread. I had actually already decided that I would eat some bread. I was thinking "I'll write on my blog that I ate some bread and that I am giving up this stupid challenge! I don't care!". But for some reason, I just grabbed a bunch of bananas and checked out. Then I found myself on the street with my bananas, wondering what had happened.

This reminds me of when I quit smoking. It happened several times that my mind would decide to smoke again, but for some reason my body just wouldn't obey.

When I quit smoking, after jumping off the cliff I realized that I could fly. I'm curious to see how well I'll fly this time. :-)

Love to all. <3

miércoles, 31 de marzo de 2010

811rv: Day 0/365 again - Dammit!

Darn. Failed right on the very first day.

Everything was going fine, then suddenly I went out, bought some canned beans with tomato sauce, half a baguette and a box of chocolate, and ate it all at once.

I have no clue why I did that. There was lots of raw food in the kitchen, and I wasn't even really hungry.

Maybe I'm just scared as hell? I feel now the same way I was feeling right before quitting smoking. It feels like being about to die. In some way the old me will die indeed. I can understand that I am scared of jumping off the cliff. But maybe that's just an excuse. I am dead addicted to cooked food.

I don't even feel upset at myself. My stomach is hurting and I feel sluggish, and just think "Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow".

I didn't eat enough (only about 500 calories worth of fruit). Tomorrow I'll try to eat more.

martes, 30 de marzo de 2010

Remember that you are a Scanner!

This post is for scanners, of course. If you're not a scanner, you don't need to remember that you are one (nor to read this). But if you are a scanner, don't you ever forget that you are one.

Especially in conventional personal development, we are told over and over again that we should focus on only one or at most two projects or goals at a time. This way of thinking has infected us so much that we keep trying to do that, even though it is totally not helpful to us.

Scanners are just wired differently. We need to juggle. That is what makes us productive. Scanners often procrastinate and are ineffective, that is true. But the point is: scanners don't procrastinate because they work on several projects at the same time. Scanners procrastinate because they try to focus on one project at a time and don't allow themselves to juggle as it would be natural to them.

We struggle when we try to fit into conventional models that are not made for us. This is just not who we are. Trying to be something that we are not creates separation. And struggle.

Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed by all the goals and ideas I am pursuing simultaneously. I feel scattered, unfocused, I don't know what to begin with, what to do next, what to focus on... And that is exactly the mistake! This wanting to "figure it out" and focus on one thing.

What creates my stress in such a situation is not that I have many things to work on. It's that I am trying to behave in ways that don't match what I really am at my very core. Then I die inside. I suffer, I suffocate, and my productivity drops. When on the contrary I remember that I am a scanner, when I allow myself to juggle playfully with everything I am doing, now that unleashes the power within!

In a way I think all this has a lot to do with control. Our logical mind always tries to be in control, to make plans, to set priorities, to decide, and to know where we are going. That is fear. Letting go of control and just spontaneously following our intuition, which is what we do when we juggle around, is scary.

It is perfectly fine not to know what to begin with and what to do next! Inspired action flows out of us freely when we allow ourselves to be in a state of uncertainty. Yes, sometimes this means suddenly interrupting what we are doing, and going for something else. So what?

Today, I was ordering some books on Amazon for my mother. After adding two of the three books she wants to my cart, I suddenly got bored and went to reply to two emails. Some people can sit down and reply to twenty emails in one session - I cannot. I replied to two emails, then I felt inspired to working on this book about business and marketing, one of several books that I am studying at the moment. I took the book to the kitchen, sat down at my kitchen table and did some reading and written exercises. Why the kitchen table and not my desk? Dunno. I just felt like being in the kitchen for a change. After a couple pages of the book, I had enough, jumped up and started writing this blog post. After 362 words I got bored, went back to Amazon and finished ordering the stuff for my mother. Then I went through my French books, sorting out those I don't want anymore. I am decluttering at the moment, and getting rid of most of my books. And now I am back here writing.

Maybe a psychologist would diagnose me with ADD or ADHD or whatever. Who cares? As long as I get my stuff done and have fun getting it done.

Juggling is not multitasking. If I were preparing a reading for a client while listening to music, thinking about my new eBook, and checking for new emails every two minutes, that would be multitasking. That's not what I do. I am fully focused on what I do when I do it. I just switch activities quicker than other people. But if in the end I get everything done, where's the problem?

They keep repeating that it is more effective to focus on one thing until it's done. Maybe for specialists. Not for scanners. Our brains just aren't very linear. I usually get my best ideas about something after a while of doing something else. I am quick at switching my focus and remembering everything I had done previously. I'm good at drawing parallels. What I learn in one area helps me in other areas. I can apply literature to computer programming and mathematics to relationships. That makes me effective. Maybe not in logically obvious ways, but effective nonetheless, in interesting ways.

Just because someone writes in a book that we should work on our most important task for four hours straight first thing in the morning, or focus on only one goal at a time, doesn't make them right. In my experience, this only leads to stress, boredom, frustration, and ultimately procrastination. It makes me feel stuck and awfully off-track.

Accepting ourselves as scanners isn't easy. We don't really have role models, we often struggle to get things done. We might feel lost, or think something is wrong with us. But being a scanner is a strength, provided we see it this way and act accordingly.

We need to embrace our scanner nature and honor it. Everything else brings us farther away from ourselves. Being ourselves, that's also accepting and remembering what we are, and building on that.

811rv: Day 0/365 - The Challenge!

I have decided to stick to 811rv for 365 days in a row and to blog about it.

811rv is a 100% raw, vegan, low-fat diet. "rv" stands for "raw vegan" and 811 stands for 80/10/10, which means getting at least 80% of our calories from carbs, at most 10% from protein, and at most 10% from fat.

My numerous dietary experiments in the last few years have clearly showed me that a 100% raw, vegan diet is by far the best way to go for me. As for low-fat, despite several attempts in the past I haven't been able to really try it out for more than a couple weeks so far, so I don't know if it is right for me or not - but my intuition keeps and keeps bringing me back to 80/10/10 again and again. I have decided to give it a serious shot this time.

I'll blog about it, daily at first, later probably less frequently. When I quit smoking, writing a daily public diary really helped me, so I'll do that here as well. Not for the accountability - I hate the word "accountability", I refuse to be accountable to anyone but myself - simply because when I write about it publicly, it pushes me to be the very best I can be to inspire others.

I expect this to be extremely difficult. Be prepared to seeing me cry, get angry as hell and freak out. ;)

sábado, 20 de marzo de 2010

How To Not Be a Manipulator

What if the person you recognized as a manipulator is yourself? Don't beat yourself up, manipulators are not evil. If you would like to use more straightforward ways of communicating and getting what you want, here are a few tips for you.

Be Clear on What you Want

People who manipulate others usually use this technique because they want something. What is it that you want?

Define exactly what you want and say it out loud and clear.

Give yourself permission to want what you want. Your wishes and desires are legitimate and perfectly okay. Stand by them.

Sometimes, we want things from others when the person we actually should get them from is ourselves. I'm thinking especially of feelings like love, power, security or self-worth. These are available to us at all times by choice. What others give us can never replace what we are not getting from ourselves. In this case, we must find ways to connect with these energies on our own, instead of focusing on others.

Now if it is something we really want from someone else, then we'll have to ask for it.

Acknowledge your Fears

What pushes people to manipulate often is fear, especially fear of being rejected or not getting what they want if they openly asked for it. Asking for something can be scary.

What exactly are you afraid of?

If you asked, what is the very worst that could happen? And what would that mean about you?

I bet even the worst case is something you would survive, and chances are that the bad things it would mean about you exist only in your head. You are free to pick your beliefs. Maybe it is time to change your mindset, or to work on your fear of rejection or on your self-worth. There are also effective tools available to you to help you cope with your fear.

If nothing helps, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Ask for What you Want Openly

Ask for what you want. Be clear and direct. Stay polite of course, but don't sugarcoat it and don't beat around the bush. You can briefly explain why you want what you want, but do NOT

put yourself down

It's perfectly natural and legitimate to ask for what you want, so act accordingly.

Women, forget about lady-like postures and submissive behaviors. Plant your two feet solidly into the ground, carrying your weight equally. Keep your back straight, head up and shoulders back. Look the other person straight into the eyes. Say what you want. It's your right.

Be Willing to Hear No

When someone says no to you, this decision is not directed against you. It's just a choice that they make about the thing you were asking for. Other people's choices don't say anything about your worth as a person. Don't take a no personally.

Your desires are legitimate, and it's your right to ask for what you want. It's also legitimate of the other person to set boundaries and their right to say no. Accept it.

If you have a problem with that, find ways to deal with your emotions and examine your beliefs. What does it mean about you if they say no? What about it hurts you? Learn to become invulnerable.

Detach from Other Manipulators

If you spot other manipulators around you, detach from them temporarily. Their communication patterns reinforce your old ones. It's smarter to surround yourself with very direct people for a while. You'll learn a lot just by talking with them.

Learning how to defend yourself against manipulation would be useful too.

You are loved. :-)

lunes, 15 de marzo de 2010

How to Solve the Problems in the World

Since I consider it my mission in this lifetime to create total harmony on Earth, I have thought a lot about ways to deal with all the horrible things that happen all around the world.

Collectively, we can do a lot. I have big dreams about creating an worldwide movement that would spread love and work towards international peace. Or, even better, I dream of uniting and coordinating all the thousands of already existing movements and wonderful people who are actively working on making this planet a more harmonious place. It is time that we all start really working together, don't you think? :-)

Let's Cultivate Acceptance

The most important thing for us to do is to remember that there is nothing wrong with how things are now. When I say "horrible things", that's a human judgment. We humans love to go around judging things as "right" and "wrong" and "good" and "bad" and pinning some fancy labels on them.  In truth the world is perfect as it is, and exactly as it should be. There is nothing wrong, ever. In that sense, the world has no problems that we'd need to solve, to begin with.

Just because we accept something as it is doesn't mean we cannot create something new. I'm curious about how it would feel to collectively experience the energies of love, peace, connection, harmony and abundance. Massively, worldwide. Can you even imagine it? That would be something new! I love to start new projects. Heh, I'm a scanner. ;-)

The first step in order to change something is to accept and wholeheartedly welcome it, unconditionally. To shine light on another facet of our collective self, let's fully embrace the current situation and acknowledge it as perfect!

Let's Respond with Love

When we think of all the terrible things happening in the world, we could feel good and cast some love at those doing them.

All these horrible things happening in the world are just manifestations of disharmony. Feeling bad about them means putting ourselves into a state of disharmony as well. How could disharmony ever heal disharmony? On the contrary, it just reinforces it. The best way to help those who are suffering is to not feel bad about them.

There is no separation between "me"and "them" (the horrible situations or horrible people doing horrible things). It's all one and the same. So how can "I" be less negative? Certainly not by getting sad or angry! I can only become less negative by becoming less negative, not more. This means: maintaining an inner state of peace and love no matter what happens.

Let's Practice Non-Violence

The world is us and we are the world. If we want less violence, we need to become less violent ourselves. Be the change.

Non-violence to me means not taking any violent actions, but also not speaking any violent words, and not thinking any violent thoughts.

Our thoughts do affect others. Thoughts are energy. They create energetic patterns around us. Because of resonance, these patterns propagate and influence everything else. When we think violent thoughts, we actively create violence in the world. Isn't it weird to create something, disapprove of it, and by disapproving of it, create more of the same?

The words we use aren't harmless. They influence our energetic state of being and the one of others. Creating peace in the world includes shaping our vocabulary accordingly.

As for violent actions, these include small or indirect ones. Just as an example, eating meat, eggs or dairy products, using conventional perfume or wearing leather contributes to the violence against non-human animals. Buying stuff in flashy packings that we don't truly need contributes to the disrespectful violation of our natural environment, which is, too, a form of violence.

How can we create a peaceful, loving and respectful world when through our thoughts, words and actions, we are permanently supporting and creating more of the contrary? There is nothing wrong with that. It's just a matter of deciding which energies we want in our reality.

Let's Choose Appropriate Input

Our state of consciousness determines what kind of effect we have on the whole system. Poisoning ourselves with negative input is not helpful in maintaining a positive vibrational state.

I never watch or listen to the news. It is poison for my soul. If you ask me, this is true for TV in general. You can safely throw yours away. This definitely would contribute to world peace.

Surround yourself with uplifting, positive people who make your soul happy and see the best in you.

How about the food you eat? Close your eyes, touch your heart and ask yourself how your food makes you feel really, beyond the immediate pleasure you have when you eat it.

Extend this to all kinds of input, including art, music, novels and movies.

We have the right and the power to choose what we do or don't allow into our consciousness. Saying "no" to negative input is a powerful decision.

Let's be happy!

The best way we can help the world is by being happy. When we are happy, we broadcast happy vibes which influence everybody else. It makes the whole world more harmonious. And that means: less problems.

Happiness does not depend on external circumstances. It is a choice. Let's practice being happy every single day in our lives!

Let's align with ourselves. Let's shed all that is not truly us and be more of who we really are. Let's acknowledge our real desires and go for them. Let's express our soul.


Wanna join me in creating total harmony on Earth? :-)

sábado, 13 de marzo de 2010

Banana-Goji Smoothie

I usually hate bananas and I'm not fond of drinking smoothies to begin with. But this one I really like. :-)

You need:

4 ripe bananas, peeled
2 handful dried goji berries
2 cups of water
a blender

Soak the goji berries in the water for about 10 or 15 minutes. Put the berries WITH the water in a blender. Add the four bananas. They need to be well riped. Blend. That's it. :)

lunes, 8 de marzo de 2010

Are You Taking Energetically Strategic Action?

When we have a goal that we want to reach, we can take different kinds of third-dimensional action towards our goal. One of them is energetically strategic action. I have learned about it from my teacher Andrea Hess and have been using it since then. I totally love it!

How does it work?

When we take "normal" action, aka linear action, we do things that make logical sense and will probably bring us closer to our goal. For example if you want a great relationship, some linear action could be to ask someone out.

Energetically strategic action on the other hand makes no logical sense. Our rational mind usually doesn't see how taking this action would bring us any closer to our goal. That's because the link between our action and our goal is not a causal one. It's an energetic one.

Our goal has a certain energy to it. This energy is not fully expressed in our life yet (or else we would already have reached this goal). So in order to bring this energy into our life, we take actions that carry the same energy. These actions don't need to make logical sense or to have anything to do with our goal. What's important is that they have the same energy as our goal. By taking these actions, we align with the energy we wish to create in our life. Then it's only natural that our goal manifests, as an expression of this energy, that is now already in our life.

One explanation is the law of resonance, also called law of attraction: like attracts like. Put yourself into a state that is energetically aligned with what you want, and you will attract it. I don't really like the word "attract", though. It suggests that I don't have it yet. I prefer to think that I already have it, it's just a facet of me that isn't revealed yet. I am the one who's broke, and the one who has lots of money. I am the one who's single, and the one who is in a great relationship. By taking energetically strategic action, I just reveal a new facet of what I already am. I shine light on some previously hidden aspect of myself. I sculpt myself.

How to do it?

Step 1: identify your destination energy.

The same goal can mean completely different things to different people. Being in a great relationship can be about love, it can be about connection, about fun, about sensuality, passion, intensity, partnership, adventure, etc. It can be about many things. Making more money can be about freedom, about power, expansion, security, happiness... Whatever.

Identify what energy your goal is about. What does it represent in your eyes? What energetic characteristics does your desired outcome have? When you close your eyes and imagine having reached your goal, how do you feel? What quality would be present in your life that you perceive to not be there yet?

Give your destination energy a name, or a color.

Step 2: take appropriate actions

Take actions that energetically align with your goal. Can you think of small actions that would express your destination energy? It doesn't need to be big things. Small actions have the same powerful effect as long as they carry the right energy.

For example, if your destination energy is love, you could write a friend of yours a letter to tell them how wonderful they are and how happy you are that they are in your life. Or send flowers to your mom. Or pay someone a compliment. Or hug someone. If it's about expansion, you could buy some food that you have never eaten before, go sit for an hour in a café you never were in, learn a new foreign language, befriend one new person a day on facebook or take classes in something you had never tried out before. If it's about adventure, you could take a new way home and get lost in a neighborhood you don't know. Or go to the station and just jump on the first train that leaves for an improvised trip to a random place. Or go on a blind date, or wear a disguise in public for one evening.

You get the idea. Finding appropriate actions is what I think is the most difficult part of the process. When my destination energy is quite far away from where I am now, I find it extremely difficult to even think of appropriate actions. What I find helpful then is to observe other people who already embody this energy in my eyes. I check how they express it and get inspired.

Why do it?

Because it works. I have found it to be highly effective. Not only does it work, it's a lot of fun. You get to wear wigs, go rock climbing, dance, eat exotic foods, buy beautiful skirts and such. And it makes things so much easier than when you only take linear, logical actions.

I personally love it that it makes no sense. It's so awesome to do crazy things that make no sense at all and whoops, everything flows! It makes life a wondrous, magical adventure instead of a boring, predictable project based on hard work. Eew

For me, energetically strategic action is the real action. Linear action is just like opening a door. When we want something, it's easier for us to allow it to happen when our rational mind sees some ways how we could logically get it. We are more ready to believe in finding a partner if we go out, socialize, ask people out, join dating websites or interact with others professionally. We are more ready to believe in making money if we start a business or apply for jobs.

It's awesome and important to open these doors. However, what really gets us where we want to be is the energetic state we are in. Taking energetically strategic action is one of the ways we can shift this energetic state, especially combined with choosing our beliefs wisely.

If you want to learn more about taking action in an energetically meaningful way, I highly recommend Andrea, who is a master at that. What I just wrote about is only a tiny part of her wisdom. Lately she has been focusing on teaching specifically how to create financial abundance. However, I have found her methods to be applicable more generally to pretty much every goal I have.

So, what's your destination energy and how will you bring it into your life right now? :-)

jueves, 4 de marzo de 2010

Readings Now Available! Get 25% off!

Hey, you know what?

My readings page is up! From now on, you can book a Soul Realignment reading with me. :-)

So today is the official start of my new business. I'm so excited! This is the beginning of a great story. A love story, between me and you, my future clients. :-) I wish us lots of fun together and many highly interesting readings. <3

To celebrate this exceptional day, I'm extending my special introductory rate until March 12th. If you book a "Who am I?" reading now, you get 25% off. Check it out!

Today is a very happy day for me. I'm feeling madly in love, and full of overflowing joy. I wish you a wonderful, wonderful day as well!

Much love to you all. <3 <3 <3

martes, 2 de marzo de 2010

Are you Building Yourself or Sculpting Yourself?

I'm fond of personal development. But there is one thing about personal development that irks me a bit. It's this habit of "building". Building courage. Building self-discipline. Building self-confidence. Building personality. Building skills. Building, building, building.

I did adhere to this kind of mindset in the past too. I used to try and "build". The more I grow though, the more I think this approach is disempowering.

Building implies that you don't have it yet. It's not fully there, you need to build some more of it first. So basically, building means believing you're not whole, perfect and complete yet. To me this feels like lack and conditionality.

I prefer to believe that we are already whole, perfect and complete. All energies are at all times available to all of us. When we choose to expand in a new direction, we simply reveal this aspect of us - which was already present.

Everything you could ever wish to be, you already are! You just don't notice because of the negative stuff covering it: for example, your fears, and your limiting beliefs. Some old pain. Attachment. Emotional blocks. Maybe some negative stuff going on at soul level.

Maybe you also choose not to see what you already are. After all, seeing it would mean going a scary, uncomfortable path. It's more convenient to buy into the belief that you "don't have it" yet and first need to "build".

Wasn't it Michelangelo who said about his David that he already lived in the stone, and that he just freed him by taking everything away that wasn't him? It's the same with you. The you that you would like to be already lives inside the big, rough stone that is your current you. There is nothing here to build on top of that. You just need to free yourself. Chop all the stone off that is not truly you. Reveal the diamond.

You already have all the courage, confidence and all the other good qualities that you wish for. It's all there in the stone, just covered by a layer of something that is not truly you. You already have a wonderful personality. When you release fear and negativity, it will shine through bright and clear.

You even already have the skills. They're not apparent yet. But they're present in the realm of potential realities, in the stone. If you feel drawn to them, then they are available to you. Every time you practice, you learn to connect with them. Every time you practice, you chop some stone away, and reveal this facet of you a bit more.

The real you is already there. You don't need to build anything. Just to take away what's too much. Throw out what hides you. Chop off what prevents you from freely expressing who you are at your very core. Shed all this unnecessary stuff - and let us see who you truly are. :-) The great thing about it is that you are both the artist and the sculpture.

Do you think this is pointless hair splitting? Just a matter of words? Well, personal development is all about words. The words you use daily to talk about yourself, about others, about the world, the words you use to describe your goals, your beliefs, your actions: all these words, that is an important part of what shapes your reality.

I personally feel very differently about myself and my goals since I switched from building to sculpting. It makes a huge, positive difference in my mindset, and leads to better results.

Next time you want to develop yourself in some area, ask yourself carefully: do I really want to build it? Or do I want to sculpt it?

Happy sculpting! :-)

jueves, 25 de febrero de 2010

Are You Highly Sensitive?

I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). HSPs are people whose nervous system is particularly developed/sensitive. They perceive more details than others and are said to process input more deeply.

It's a bit like lacking filters. Other people's brains discard "useless" information and regulate the sensory input they get. HSPs are not able to do that. As a result, they are easily bothered by loud or repetitive sounds, background noise, strong smells, flashy lights... They also need more time than others to process their experiences, like conversations or movies, and those tend to affect them deeply. HSPs get easily over-stimulated or overwhelmed when too much is going on at once.

Do you wonder if you are a HSP? I cannot speak for others since we are all sensitive in different ways, but this is what it looks like for me:

I can't stand loud or repetitive sounds. Listening to loud music while dancing around in the living room for twenty minutes is okay, but that's about it. I suffer a lot at night clubs or loud parties, which is why I almost never go there. Even at the cinema, the sound is usually outrageously loud to me. Sometimes I wonder if everybody else is deaf or something. I tried to go to a big concert twice in my life and collapsed both times despite the earplugs.
I have a hard time with flashy colors. Most websites look way too aggressive to me, including my own! Fortunately I don't have to look at it much. The internal wordpress interface is decent.
Strong smells affect me a lot. When someone has a lot of perfume on them and comes too close, I almost faint.
I am very sensitive to physical sensations such as pain, cold, heat, hunger, clothes and materials...
Especially food has a huge effect on me. Eating unhealthy things like animal products or grains makes me feel very miserable very quickly. It leads to sickness, sleeping disorders, nervousness, etc. On the other hand, I also feel much better very quickly when I eat fruit and veggies.
I don't tolerate the anti-baby-pill, antibiotics, or other allopathic drugs. Even painkillers are a problem, I have found only two kinds that I can take. I avoid all kinds of pills and only take painkillers once a month when my period would drive me insane if I didn't.
I am prone to addictions. Since my nervous system tends to over-react, addictive substances have a huge impact on me. I get drunk from drinking half an alcohol-free beer (seriously!). I tried to smoke pot a few times in my life and got extremely sick from it. When I start eating sugar, I feel very crappy, but even crappier when I stop eating it. That is something I need to be watchful for.
I am sensitive to energy. As a side-effect, I have strong empathy and can feel other people's emotions. Electric devices make me nervous. I am easily unsettled by negative energy in places or people. When they are scared, aggressive or angry, it truly feels like a physical aggression to me, even when their emotions are not directed at me at all.
As you can imagine, I dislike crowded places. I'm not scared of other people. It's just... too much input! Too overwhelming. Sometimes I get nervous breakdowns in crowded places.
I totally hate having conversations in places with a lot going on around or background noise/music, like bars or streets with lots of cars. I am unable to switch the background stuff off in order to focus on the conversation. In such situations I often can't hear what they're saying. Or I hear it but somehow just don't understand it. My brain is too busy processing everything else. I can do it, but it costs me a lot of energy and is extremely stressful for me to follow a conversation under such conditions. This too can sometimes lead to uncontrollable crying, panting or nervous breakdowns.
When a police car or ambulance with a siren drives past me, I usually protect my ears with my hands and whine, or scream "Aaaaahhhh!!". It's so stressful that I get totally aggressive and feel like killing everybody in that moment, especially the car driver.
I startle easily. Don't shout "Boooo!!!" behind my back! I'd immediately turn around and hit you on your nose, or alternatively have a heart attack. ;-)
I am unable to watch violent or scary movies. When I say violent, think Lord of the Rings... Usually, movies recommended for children above 12 are too violent for me. I'm easily scared and hide. When it gets too violent, I just can't stand it, I cry and run out. When I watch any movie, it resonates in me for days until I have fully digested it.
Music moves me to tears! Or books, movies, art, nature...
I feel emotional pain as physical pain in my chest. When I am very happy, it can be so strong that I cry or puke. I am easily over-excited, over-stimulated, and also very easily bored!
I need a lot of time to do nothing, recover and process input. I totally freak out when I don't get enough time alone, when I get repeatedly interrupted or woken up, or when too much is going on at once.

Well, I think that is enough. You get the picture. :-)

Do you recognize yourself in this to some extent? Then you could be a HSP too. If you want to investigate the topic further, see this website. There is a self-test you can take as well as some resources. I haven't read her books, so I don't know if I recommend them or not. If you happen to speak German, I recommend this book. It has helped me tremendously to acknowledge my high sensitivity and deal with it in a practical way.

martes, 23 de febrero de 2010

Verbal Self-Defense Techniques

In my last post, I said that being different often means taking flak. I shared some tips on how to become invulnerable to it. Now I feel inspired to share some techniques that can help you to cope with verbal aggressions. This is the art of taking flak elegantly.

Verbal punches can be anything from insults and yelling, aggressive comments or reproaches to demeaning "jokes" or subtle, nasty insinuations. (Note: To defend yourself specifically against manipulators, see here.)

Just like in martial arts, on the verbal level there are different ways to react to a punch. For example you can hit back, avoid it, bring your opponent out of balance, etc. Here are my favorite verbal kung fu tricks!

Hitting Back (or Blocking and Hitting Back, or Hitting Faster)

I won't even go there! This might give our ego a short-term sense of satisfaction and pride, but it solves nothing, on the contrary. Aggression is disharmony. Hitting back only propagates more disharmony. More disharmony cannot heal disharmony.

We are all one. Someone attacking you is like your right hand pinching your left hand. Your left hand can grab a hammer and crush your right forefinger with it. But then both hands are hurting, and what good does it do?


When you sit inside a tank and someone throws a rotten tomato at you, you can just ignore it.  So if you are as invulnerable as a tank, you don't need to react to verbal attacks at all. Just ignore them! After all, it's just the other person struggling with their own issues. This results in them lashing out at you, but doesn't truly have anything to do with you.

However, if the punch does affect you, don't ignore it! Feigning indifference when you really are upset will only put you in a very weak position. They will notice it's fake.


When someone tries to hit you, you can hug them. Feeling attacked, in itself, implies feeling vulnerable and separated from others. That is your choice. Let's switch your perspective! You are not being attacked. You are a powerful, shining soul, connected to all others. You currently experience some disharmony in your consciousness, which manifests as people doing you the favor to seemingly be affronting you. The answer is to  love and heal the disharmony inside and outside.

This can mean physically hugging them, or simply saying something nice to them. Pay them a compliment!

The Compliment Method:

Opponent: You are late again! Are you too deaf to hear your alarm clock?
You: Hi, I am happy to see you. You look great today. :-)

Do this only if you feel genuinely loving towards them and truly feel like paying them a compliment. You can use the compliment technique when you don't mean it, but then it is sarcastic and falls under the "hitting back" category, where we don't want to go!

Practicing forgiveness and love towards those who lash out at you is very powerful. If someone upsets you, sit down and send some love to them. List four things you love about them. Visualize four good things happening to them. (No, burning in hell is not a good thing...) Do the same with yourself. Sit down and send some love to yourself. List four things you love about yourself and visualize four good things happening to you. Smile at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you approve of yourself.


Okay, all that is nice, but we are not Jesus. We're human. Sometimes we're not invulnerable enough to ignore a mean comment, and not loving and forgiving enough to say something kind in return without being a hypocrite. What to do in such a case?

The Agreement Method:

This technique is like pulling their arm even more when they hit you, so that they fall on their nose.

Just agree with what they are saying. Wanting to be right is an ego thing. There is no right and wrong. We each have our very own perception of this 3D reality, that reflects our consciousness. If they perceive it this way, then it is true. For them. If you switch perspectives, I'm sure you can even see how it could be true for you too in some way. Acknowledge that their point of view is valid.

Opponent: You are so lazy!
You: I agree. :-) I can see that in me.


Opponent: I'm fed up with correcting your mistakes.
You: Absolutely. Correcting other people's mistakes must be really annoying for you. :-)

The Exaggeration Method:

You can even exaggerate your agreement in a playful way to bring some humor into the situation. (No sarcasm, just humor, with a big smile please!)

Opponent: Your idea is crap.
You: I so agree! It is totally shitty, I must have been on acid when I had it. It should get a prize for the crappiest idea in the world. :D

Your agreeing will confuse them and leave them helpless. It's difficult to keep seriously beating someone up who does not offer any resistance. I mean verbally, of course. Physically it's a different thing.

The Satisfaction Method

You can even be proud of it!

Opponent: Ugh, you're totally hairy!
You: Yes, like a wookie! I'm glad you noticed. Wookies are so sexy! :D


Instead of pulling their arm, you can get out of the way and avoid their punch.

The Changing the Subject Method:

Opponent: I can't believe you are being so immature!
You: Ah. This reminds me that last week, I saw a very nice pair of boots at the mall. I wonder if I should buy them?

Please note that this method is NOT about pretending you haven't heard the comment and just talking about something else. You do acknowledge that you have very well heard and understood what they said - and you look straight into their eyes, and you deliberately talk about something else. Preferably something that is neither charged with conflict nor important. Like boots.

Aggressive people, when they attack you, want conflict and negativity. It resonates with them. For some it can even be an addiction. This method clearly signals to them: "I won't go there with you." while still being peaceful.

Taking the Punches like a Rock

When you hit a rock, usually, it hurts. And the rock won't move. I can see two verbal implementations for that:

The Repetition Method

It consists of repeating what they said, then add "and", and repeat what you want or don't want. It might not sound very logical, but it's effective. If there is nothing appropriate that you want or don't want, insert "I love myself" or "life is great".

Opponent: You never think!
You: I never think, and I love myself. :-)


You: Would you please get out of the way?
Opponent: Fuck you!
You: You fuck me, and I want you to get out of the way. (Said without aggressiveness)

Note: This method is great if you want to assert yourself and get something! Just keep repeating both their counter-arguments and what you want until they give up.

The Appreciation Method

Simply express appreciation for their effort to talk with you and for being such a perfect mirror of your consciousness.

Opponent: You're totally gay!
You: Interesting. I appreciate your feedback.


Opponent: You do it all wrong!
You: I'm glad we talked about it.


My favorite one!

You can also confuse your adversary! That's like performing some funny moves, waving some colorful flags around and whoops, making them lose their balance. My favorite way of doing this is to use...

The Proverb Method:

Opponent: You idiot!
You: Like they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away! (Forefinger up)


Opponent: Looks like you ate a bit too much over the holidays, huh?
You: All roads lead to Rome. (Wise nodding)

Of course, the whole point is to choose a proverb that does not make any sense! So, don't use the apple proverb to reply to the overeating comment, for example. It must not fit. Also don't use proverbs that could be interpreted as aggressive, such as "He laughs best who laughs last" or the like.

But I won't win the argument this way!

No, you won't. :-)

The point is not to win the argument. It's to fend attacks off without giving in to the negativity your opponents are trying to build up. Without arguing, without getting hurt, without getting angry, without feeding the conflict. These techniques allow you to remain poised and escape playfully. Nothing forces you to see verbal affronts as something to be taken seriously!

Besides, if you apply these techniques, there's no way they can win the argument either.

But I will just make a fool out of myself!

What others think about you is none of your business. It's not important whether they think you are a fool, right, wrong, a genius, or whatever. What's important is that they have no chance in a verbal fight against you. :-)

What if they continue anyway?

Continue as well. Pick the same method or another one and keep going until they give up. They will quickly grow weary of being confronted with a bunch of insane answers.


- Come with me to the party on Saturday.
- No, thanks.
- Why not?
- I don't like loud parties.
- You could do it for me!
- I could do it for you, and I don't want to.
- You are such an egoist!
- You look great in this shirt today. :-)
- Come on! You never do anything with me that I like!
- Ah. This reminds me of the eBook on Linux shell commands that I am writing. I wonder if I should include bash scripting.
- Don't change the subject! We never go out together! You are just boring!
- I'm glad we talked about it.
- You are such a jerk.
- Yeah, my grandmother always says: one swallow doesn't make the summer!
- What are you talking about??
- I love you. :-)

And so on. They will just get nowhere this way (unless they switch to a healthier communication style).
Happy fighting! ;-)


lunes, 15 de febrero de 2010

How To Be Invulnerable to Affronts

Being "different" often means taking flak. How to deal properly with insults, verbal attacks, demeaning comments, or simply with non-constructive critics? And how not to get hurt by it? Here are a few tips on how to become invulnerable in such situations.

Never Take Anything Personally

That's one of my mottoes. Never take anything personally. When other people criticize, dislike, or attack you, that is an expression of their state of being, a manifestation of what is going on inside them. Others tend to dislike in you what they dislike about themselves. They see their beliefs either mirrored or challenged by you, that is what they criticize. They resist their own reality. They attack you because of the fear and insecurity inside of them. If they had no fear and no self-rejection whatsoever in their heart, if they felt completely safe and at peace with themselves, they would be at peace with you, too, and would not feel the need to belittle you.

It is interesting to observe how others react, it says so much about them! You can learn a lot about someone by just listening to what they say about you or about the world. So, when someone treats you in a way that you find hurtful or offensive, don't take it personally. It's not about you, it's about them.

Just switch perspectives and see where they are coming from. What must their world look like? What kind of values do they have? What pain, insecurity or fear can you perceive in the way they treat you? What is going on inside of them, that leads to such a behavior?

Over-analyzing other people's behavior is futile and irrelevant. What counts is how you respond, not why they do what they do. However, it can be really helpful to remember that what is happening is always primarily about them, not about you. Having a look at their perspective enables you to gain some distance and understanding.

Btw, this also applies the other way around, when you dislike or attack others, and it also applies for positive feedback, which also says a lot about the one giving it and is more about them than about you. Never take compliments personally either. ;)

See Everything as Feedback

Now when I say it is about them, not about you, that's not entirely correct. It does say a lot about you, too. Just not literally. When someone calls you lazy, it does not mean in the slightest that you are lazy. But it definitely means that you have some negative beliefs around being lazy, or this person, or this situation, etc.

Everything going on in your life is a reflection of your current energetic state of being and of your belief system. You get to see what you believe in. You also attract experiences that match your vibration. If something totally does not resonate with you at all, it cannot show up in your reality.

So, when you are confronted with critics, attacks, animosity etc.,

ask yourself what kinds of beliefs you have about yourself, other people, this person, the situation you are in, etc., that manifest this way. Where is the fear in you, where is the insecurity? Where are the negative thoughts about yourself?
Ask yourself why you attract such people and situations into your life, to begin with. Maybe you believe that this situation/project/goal would be very difficult - and that is how it manifests. Maybe you believe that the world is a harsh place to live in, or that other people are mean. And so on. There must be something in you that calls such experiences.
Also ask yourself what kind of vibrations you are currently sending out. Are you dwelling on negative thoughts, or in a bad place emotionally? Is there any aggressiveness or violence inside of you that the world mirrors back to you this way? Do you feel any contempt for others?

In short, what in you is a good match for what is happening to you? We reap what we sow. Everything is feedback, your whole life is a giant mirror. Look into the mirror. By becoming aware of what you reap, you learn about what you sow - and then you can choose different seeds. :-)

Heal your Belief System

The very best way I have found to become invulnerable is to change my beliefs, be it about others, about life and the world in general, and about myself.

Only the truth hurts. Or, to be more precise, only what you believe to be true can hurt you. If someone told you that you are ugly for having green hair, and you have no green hair, you would probably just think they are weird. Only what you think is true can touch you. If you have green hair but you think it's great to have green hair, someone telling you that you are ugly for having green hair would not hurt you either. Only what resonates with some painful judgment about yourself inside of you can cause you any damage.

For example, I have a problem with my being overweight. I'm currently working on that, so in a few months it won't be true anymore - but for now, it still is a huge issue for me. Incidentally, I have been repeatedly criticized in the past for being overweight, and it hurt like hell. That is NO coincidence! It is also no coincidence that I never get criticized for being, say, short. I am very short. The "perfect women"in the media are tall. Yet nobody ever tells me that I am too short. But too fat, yeah, even though I'm certainly not obese. Why? Because fat is exactly what I have a problem with, whereas I have no problem at all with being short. It would feel so weird to me to believe that being short is unattractive that this just never shows up in my reality.

When you heal your beliefs, especially your beliefs about yourself, what other people say to you or about you cannot hurt you anymore. They will even probably stop saying negative things anyway.

Not taking the affronts personally, seeing them as feedback about your belief system and vibrational state, and working on shifting both, that is the basis if you want to become invulnerable. I have worked so much on myself in the past that now, my overweight is the only weakness left that you can really hurt me with. (But not for long anymore! So if you want to insult me effectively, you better hurry up. :D )

Here are a few more things that help, additionally:

Approve of Yourself

Loving ourselves and approving of ourselves are two different things. I can love someone dearly, yet disapprove of their actions. Recently I have discovered how much it helps to approve of ourselves unconditionally. For example, it didn't help me with my overweight to love my body. I totally love my body! But I was still disapproving of its annoying fat storing habits. I feel so much better now that I approve of them! Yes, I approve of my body storing fat. :-)

Just try it out. Choose to approve of yourself, no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you make, no matter how <insert negative judgment about yourself here> you are. Look at yourself in a mirror and say out loud "I approve of myself! <Your first name>, I approve of you!". It feels great. :-)

Approving of yourself does not mean that you can never change anymore. It simply means acknowledging that you are always doing the very best you can with what you are given. That IS the case. So, approve of it. It will make you even more invulnerable. The more you approve of yourself, the less other people will feel the need to disapprove of you. :-)

Raise your Vibration

To not resonate anymore with bad stuff, raise your vibration! Do things that make you happy. Deliberately think thoughts that make you feel good. Focus on the positive, always on the positive, and always on what you like or want, never on what you dislike or don't want. Put some clean food into your body. Dance, sing and rejoice! Fall in love! Randomly tell someone something nice! Smile! Laugh! Send love to others! Hug!

Love and joy are the best shields there are. :-)

Respond with Love

At the beginning of this post, I wrote that when people criticize, insult, attack or offend you, that is because of some crappy stuff going on inside of them. Knowing this, you could send some love to them. Love heals everything, especially fear. You won't completely heal them by sending some love once, but it can only help. They might not notice, but they receive it. Aggressiveness is disharmony. Disharmony can be healed with lots of love. When you love them, you make them more loving and harmonious, and as a pleasant side-effect they will go around attacking others (including you) less.

Be loving to yourself and others, and your world will be loving too. :-)

miércoles, 3 de febrero de 2010

What is a Soul Realignment Reading?

I got a bunch of questions about Soul Realignment, so I thought I'd write a Q&A post about it!

What is Soul Realignment?

Soul Realignment (short: SR) is a mix of psychic reading and energy healing. Soul Realignment practitioners access information about their clients' souls and clear the energetic blocks and restrictions affecting them.

How do you do it?

When I give you a reading, I need your full name, full name at birth, and birth date and place. I use this information to locate your soul in the Akashic Records. That's a big energetic database in which a lot of information about all souls is stored. I have special Akashic Records guides assigned to me, who help me navigate the database and retrieve the information.

Once I found your soul, I ask many questions about it. To get the answers, I dowse with a fancy silvery pendulum. When it's not a "yes" or "no" question, I channel the answer using mostly claircognizance and clairsentience, and sometimes also clairvoyance.

Claircognizance, clairsentience and clairvoyance are psychic modalities. Claircognizance is "just knowing", clairsentience is getting feelings in my body and clairvoyance is seeing images.

Can you do distance readings or do you need to be in front of the person?

I can give you a reading no matter how far away you are. Distance is not relevant. I don't need to know what you look like either. I don't read your physical person, but your soul record. The actual work is done alone, in the Akashic Records, before the reading itself. Then we get on the phone or Skype, and I explain to you what I found. I totally love giving readings in person, but that's not necessary for the process to work.

What kind of information do you get?

I get information about your soul. This includes:

your soul gender.
your energy center of training: your energetic specialization. The expression of these energies is an important aspect of your personality and of your highest path and purpose (the path in life that will bring you the highest level of spiritual and personal growth).
your soul group of origination: that is where your soul comes from. Depending on your soul group you will bring different personality traits and different challenges into your physical incarnation.

I also check a bunch of other things. For example I ask how many spirit guides you have and make sure that they are all positive and working for your highest good. I check how actively you are currently using your spiritual resources, to which extent you are being in touch with your intuition, and whether your energetic protection is up and running or not.

What is this clearing you talk about?

Getting information about your soul is only the first part of the reading. In the second part, I check what energetic blocks and restrictions are currently affecting you.

This can be all kinds of negative stuff, like negative entities attached to you, etheric implants in your energy body, contracts or vows that are not in your highest good, negative spirit guides working against you, negative astral travel during your sleep... In short, stuff that makes you feel bad, drains your energy, prevents you from making certain choices, or blocks you from moving forward on your path.

This is nothing to be scared of. It all gets completely cleared and removed before I even tell you about it. I don't do that myself, I ask for it to be done, and then your guides, my guides, the Akashic Records guides and all kinds of other spiritual Beings powerfully heal you.

The clearing process is the most important aspect of the Soul Re-alignment reading in my eyes. Information is nice, but the clearing has concrete consequences. It brings you back on track.

What kind of homework will I get?

To make the soul-level changes manifest in your third-dimensional reality as fast as comfortably possible, you'll get some homework to do.

The first part of the homework is to bring the clearing process into your conscious and subconscious mind through a little daily ritual. It takes about five or ten minutes a day for three weeks. You will need a white candle.

The second part of the homework does not come from me but from your guides. I ask them what actions would be most appropriate for you to take in order to manifest the changes into your life, and simply channel their suggestions and recommendations, usually several of them. These are tailored specially for your case, so it can be just anything.

Sometimes I get very concrete actions, like "to date lots of people" or "to get a new hairstyle". Other times it's more some kind of general advice and wisdom. It really depends on the people. One personal development enthusiast got "to work on your self-love". For someone else this would be too vague, but for a PD fan, it's easy to figure out how to implement it. Your guides know you.

What's for sure is that the homework will bring you out of your comfort zone. That's logical: no new actions, no new results! Of course you are free to do it or not, as you wish. Your guides will never tell you what to do (and neither will I!). They just give you some appropriate ideas. Ultimately, what you do is your choice.

How much does it cost?

I will charge about 100€ for a reading at first. I'm currently in the process of starting my business. The first few weeks after I launch it, I think I will probably offer a special introductory rate of about 75€.

Will you have Paypal for international clients?

I hopefully will have a fancy shopping cart with both paypal and credit card options!

(Edit: you can now book a reading here!)

Do you have some more questions about Soul Realignment readings? Drop me an email or leave a comment. :-)

lunes, 1 de febrero de 2010

Choose Your Beliefs Wisely

Your belief system has a crucial impact on your life. Fortunately, you are in control of it. What kinds of beliefs do you let into your head, and how do you know they are right for you?

Your beliefs determine the reality you live in.

Some people (including me) think that our beliefs literally create our reality, on an energetic level. Beliefs are energy. When you send out energy into the Universe in the form of beliefs, you attract energies around you that resonate with your own vibration. It's like when two waves adjust to each other when they are in contact. Everything in your life, be it people, situations, or objects, is energy, and all of it is in your life because it is in alignment with your own energy.

Even if you don't subscribe to this worldview, the fact remains that the reality you perceive is highly dependent on your beliefs. For example, it's a classical thing that when we are in a good mood, we tend to see all the positive things around us, and ignore the negative ones. When we are in a bad mood, we tend to oversee the good things and notice what sucks. We are permanently filtering the information that reaches our brain, and tend to let only what fits our current beliefs about the world reach our consciousness. I even read a fascinating article about brain research once, explaining that our brain fills in information that is missing - and even corrects the information it gets when this information does not seem to make sense.

Last but not least, what you believe directly affects your reality, because it directly influences the way you behave! And the way you behave has consequences on events and other people's reactions. If you believe that people are friendly and trustworthy, you will interact with them in a nice and confident way, which in turn is likely to make them feel like treating you well. If on the contrary you believe that the world is crowded with stupid jerks, you won't treat others very well, and probably won't get very positive feedback either.

No matter what the explanation for it is, it all boils down to the fact that we get what we believe.

You are free to choose your beliefs.

The good news is that beliefs are a choice. They may appear as something immutable and absolutely true - but that's not the case. After all, you learned your beliefs from your parents, your teachers, your friends, the media... If you were born in a different country, at a different time in history, or even in a different family, your beliefs would be completely different. So if beliefs are such a random thing anyway, this means that you can choose to believe whatever you want.

Pick beliefs that truly serve you.

Since your beliefs have such a huge impact on your life, and since you are free to choose them, why not pick beliefs that bring you the best results? That's what I do. I consciously choose beliefs that are positive and aligned with my goals. When I find a belief that sabotages me, I throw it out. I aim to fill my head with empowering, loving, abundant, healthy, and effective beliefs. The kind that helps me to reach my goals and brings me the highest level of satisfaction, fulfillment, achievement and happiness.

Some time ago I was talking about this with my friend Ken. He asked if that is not a "the end justifies the means"-attitude.

Well, in some way, yes. What matters to me are the results. I know what I want, and I see my beliefs as a tool to get there. Some people are very attached to believing only "true" things. It's almost as if they were afraid of being ridiculed forever if they happened to believe something "wrong". What's so scary about picking a belief without knowing if there is some objective Truth to corroborate it?

What I see is that every time I upgrade my beliefs, I do better. I feel better, I am happier, reaching my goals becomes easier, and the whole world is nicer. In my life I went from living in a horrible world to living in a wonderful world, just because of the power of my beliefs. That is what matters to me. Not being right.

Maybe that's because I believe there is no objective right and wrong, true and false anyway.

Find your own truth.

Even though I intentionally pick beliefs that serve me, I don't just pick any belief that looks like it would yield good results. It's more a matter of intuition. Some beliefs just resonate with me very deeply. When I think them, I feel some kind of excited knowing go through my body. Everything in me screams "Yes! This is true!" - or maybe more something like "Yes! I like that!". So I adopt these beliefs because they feel right to me. They just happen to also be the ones that lead to success!

With other beliefs, when I think them, I feel... nothing. And then I know this is just not for me. Doesn't mean it's not true or valuable - it's just not appropriate for me at this time.

I remember how I became spiritual. I was raised as a radical atheist in a very anti-religious and anti-spiritual environment. As a young adult I read the Bible, the Koran, did some research about Taoism... but all this just did not resonate with me. Then some day, I read I don't even remember where the sentence "You are a spiritual Being incarnated on Earth to grow and learn...". When I read this, I immediately knew it was true for me! I just knew it deep down in my gut, it was so clear. It made me feel extremely happy.

So maybe choosing beliefs that serve us is not so much about arbitrarily picking beliefs that our rational mind thinks would be practical - it's more about finding the beliefs that we intuitively recognize as our truth, the truth that expresses who we are at our deepest core, and that is aligned with our soul's highest path and purpose.

Giving ourselves permission to freely choose our beliefs simply enables us to tap into our own inner wisdom. The beliefs we find there are authentic. That's why they are the ones that yield the best results. Everything is so much easier when we express what we truly are, and align with our soul's highest path and purpose!

martes, 26 de enero de 2010

Is This Really Good Enough For You?

I'm very hard to offend, yet a few weeks ago I got totally offended. A guy said to me that he doesn't find me totally hot, but if I really wanted to, he'd have sex with me. Oh my God. I was so pissed off. I told him to go fuck himself and that I would never, ever have sex with him, and that even if not one single guy on Earth finds me sexy, I'd still not have sex with him.

Of course that was just my ego that found his comment terribly insulting. I hadn't asked for anything, to begin with! My overweight is my biggest (and actually my only) weakness. I tend to get mad as hell when a guy wants me while still finding me too fat. Oddly enough, I have no problem with a guy not finding me attractive at all.

Fortunately I talked about this fight with my spirit guides and thanks to their advice, I was able to let go of my hurt ego and make up with the guy. I dearly love him. My spirit guides are awesome.

But there's one thing that my ego was right about: I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks I'm not totally hot. It doesn't matter how wonderful and adorable and sexy he finds me if he doesn't find me totally hot. I only want to have sex with a guy who thinks I am the sexiest Goddess on Earth. Everything else is just not good enough for me! In my experience, there is such a big difference between sex with a guy who finds me totally steamy hot, and sex with a guy who really loves me and thinks I'm absolutely wonderful, but would just prefer me thinner. The latter is soooo suboptimal.

Shortly after this episode, I was chatting with another friend of mine about how next year we both don't want to spend Christmas with the family. And he said "Hey cool! If we don't have any other plans, we could spend Christmas together." Since I still was in reactivated ego-mode, some red flags immediately jumped up and down frantically in my head. I told him I would not spend next Christmas with him. I didn't like the kinda-backup-plan-way he said that. He rectified and claimed that he'd love to spend next Christmas with me, but I just told him it was too late.

Aside from the fact that it's a lot of fun to be a bitch, my decisions make sense. When a situation feels like "not good enough", we can react with our ego, feeling insulted and acting out of pride - like I did with the first guy. That's not very wise. But we can also stay detached and simply look at the facts. And then ask ourselves: is that really what I want?

Do I really want to spend Christmas with someone who's with me because he has no better plans? In all objectivity, is that what I imagine for myself in this lifetime? Can't I dream a bit a lot bigger? This friend of mine said that is not what he meant. He really wanted to spend Christmas with me, but there might be things coming in between, he said, because it's a whole year to go. To what I replied: "if you really wanted, nothing would come in between". I'm free to want a life where others really want to be with me, so much that they do whatever is required to make it happen. Lukewarm wishes to be with me, dependent on external circumstances? Sorry, not good enough for me!

Being wise doesn't mean putting up with any crap. We are powerful, wonderful, incredibly beautiful beings. We are here to create the life we dream of. Exactly the life we dream of. Is your current reality exactly what you want?

Since those two incidents, I go around and ask myself: is this good enough for me? And that, is that good enough for me? Is this relationship exactly what I want? Is this guy exactly what I want? Is this project, this goal, this choice, exactly what I truly want deep down? It feels so good to say "Sorry, not good enough for me!" - with a smile.

What is it that you truly want deep down?

Is all this around you really good enough for you?

sábado, 23 de enero de 2010

Are you Afraid of Hurting Others when Being Spontaneous?

People sometimes ask me "But Rose! I'd love to be more spontaneous. But then, what if I offend the other person by saying something hurtful, like that they're fat or that their idea is stupid?". What an inspiring question! I had to write about that!

First off, as I said in my previous post, you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. If they choose to feel offended or hurt, that is their choice, whether they like it or not. Nothing is "offensive" or "hurtful" in itself. They make it so by deciding what it means to them (or about them). What other people decide is none of your business. And trying to protect them from getting hurt is disrespectful towards them.

In that sense, you can be 100% honest and spontaneous and blurt out whatever pops up into your mind, without any concern about other people's egos.
Now if you're afraid that, if you really applied this, you'd hurt and offend a lot of people - then I wonder: why do you think such bad things about other people in the first place?
If you meet someone who's overweight, you can think that they're fat. But you could also notice what a nice smile they have, or how passionate they are about their work. You could also notice that they have an obvious health problem and are overweight. Still doesn't mean you have to call them "fat" in your head.
Same if someone tells you about their idea. Instead of finding it stupid, you could try to understand where they come from, how they see it, what this idea means to them and how they came up with it. Then from stupid, it becomes interesting. You don't have to do anything with this idea, therefore you also don't have to attach any value to it.
Nobody forces you to go around judging and despising people. Who says you have to figure out how "good" or "bad" all the things around you are? You don't have to engage with them if they don't resonate with you. So, you can simply perceive them, with curiosity, and let them be, the way they are, without attaching any labels or values to them.
Then you can be as spontaneous and honest as you want, people won't be offended! Especially not if you spontaneously say lots of positive things. Why would they get hurt because you love their smile, think they are very nice or do a great job?
In case this is not the kind of things you would spontaneously express, why do you focus on negative things? You're free to choose what you focus on. You can choose to notice the bad things about others, to criticize and judge them - or you can choose to see all the good and beautiful and interesting in them. The latter is way more fun anyway.
There is another reason for focusing on the positive in others: the way we treat others is usually a reflection of the way we treat ourselves. If you go around mentally insulting others, chances are good that you display this same internal violence towards yourself. I bet you also tend to focus on the negative stuff in the world and life in general. This makes you an overall negative person, one who is energetically poisonous, who is unattractive and tortures themselves with lots of negative feelings.
So basically, my answer is: if you are afraid of hurting others when being spontaneous, then love and accept yourself more. :-) Focus on the positives, see the beauty in yourself and in others, and then you can be as spontaneous as you want, you won't hurt anybody.
As for the fear itself, what is it exactly that you are afraid of? What is bad about others getting hurt? What does it mean about you, what would be the consequences for you? Would you be a bad person? Are you afraid they would reject or abandon you? That you would be alone? That they would think bad things about you? What is it?
What if what you say offends others? That's a good question really. What if?
So what?

jueves, 21 de enero de 2010

Don't Avoid Hurting Others

The flipside of being 100% responsible for your own feelings is that you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. They are just as responsible for their own feelings as you are for yours: 100%.

You never need to worry about hurting, annoying or saddening others. If they're hurt, angry or sad, that's their problem to deal with, and none of your business.

I know you'll think I'm heartless again. :D But this really is a loving attitude. Granting others the power to be fully responsible for their own stuff allows them to be strong, and to get stronger. It shows that you see them as the powerful, responsible creators of their own feelings. It is a compliment.

The other way around, trying to protect them from getting hurt, trying to take responsibility for them, sends off the message to them "You're weak. You're not able to take it.". Is that what you want to teach those you love about themselves?

Imagine you're doing some trekking in the mountains, and carrying a backpack. Suddenly some bozo shows up and absolutely wants to help you carry your backpack. WTF. As if you weren't strong enough to carry it on your own!

Now let's assume you are not strong enough to carry it on your own. You might be thankful to this nice person for helping you. But are they really helping you, long-term? If you don't carry your backpack yourself, you will never grow the muscles that you need to carry it. In the long run, you will become dependent on always having someone carry it for you.

Some people don't believe that they're fully responsible for their feelings. They give their power away to external circumstances and let those hurt them. Or they aren't able to deal with their emotions yet. Or in that particular case, it was just too much for them. They do get hurt. Is it a solution to protect them by taking responsibility for them? No. In the long run, you're not doing them a favor. You're depriving them of the opportunity to flex their muscles and grow.

Taking responsibility for other people's feelings is not only ineffective, it's also highly disrespectful towards them. You cannot take the backpack off their back to carry it yourself entirely. Other people's feelings are still their feelings no matter what. So when you help them carry their backpack, while their backpack is still on their back, you need to get very close to them.

Too close. By doing this, you trespass their boundaries.Taking responsibility for others is a violation of their personal boundaries. It is abusive. Their feelings are their feelings and none of your business! Stay away.

Last but not least, what happens when two persons, closely entangled, carry the same backpack? They have to lean onto each other to walk, and probably stagger around awkwardly. Translate: co-dependent relationships. That's unhealthy. It is also very limiting for you and will drain your energy. And nobody really moves forward with their life.

Do you ever try to avoid hurting others? Do you think you are in any way responsible for the way they feel or could feel? Where are you carrying someone else's backpack?

The contrary of "well" is "well meant". Taking responsibility for other people's feelings is nice, but totally inappropriate. The only respectful thing to do is to let others go their own path, have their own personal space, and take care of their own shit, without interfering. Who am I to decide whether they can or cannot do it? No matter what it might look like, they do have the power. We all have the power. You're not helping them to discover theirs by acting as if they didn't have it!

I prefer someone who trusts me to be able to deal with my stuff. Even if sometimes I'm not able to, and fall on my nose and get hurt. Their trust in me might be wrong for this one time, but it shows they believe in me. And THAT pushes me to be the very best I can be. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and trust you to be able to take care of yourself, and you will end up living up to their trust. Believe in the people you love. Trust them to be able to take it, and they will. :-)

And to begin with, who are you to think your behavior can make others angry, sad or happy? You arrogant prick. Do you think you have this power? That's an illusion. You have none anyway. Their feelings depend entirely on their own choices. They don't have much to do with you - even if sometimes they would like you to believe it, especially if they're smelly orcs or manipulators. And even if sometimes you would like to believe it too, for some twisted reasons, like because it gives you the illusion of having power over them, or because you assume it would mean you're important to them.

In the end, the bottom line is that you don't have the power to determine other people's feelings. You also are not responsible for other people's feelings. They are. Don't try to avoid hurting others, it is inappropriate, disrespectful and not very helpful, neither to you nor to them.