Example of an Empowering Social Mindset

When it comes to social skills and relationships, I always say it's all a matter of mindset. But what mindset exactly?

That is up to you to decide for yourself. We're all different. You need to find what works for you.

Here is one example of a mindset that works. It works for me. Maybe it can inspire you in finding your own empowering mindset?

Beliefs about Myself

I am a wonderful person.

I am interesting.

I know what I want.

I'm clear about my goals, values, and life purpose.

I am sexy.

I love myself damn fucking much.

People enjoy talking with me and spending time with me.

I am great in bed. Or in any other place than the bed.

I am 100% responsible for my own feelings, actions, and reality.

I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and to accept change - including in my social life.

I am perfectly fine as I am right now. (Still working on this one: sometimes I still dislike my overweight!)

Beliefs about Others

Other people are wonderful persons. There is beauty in everyone. We are all incredibly fascinating creatures. Everybody is interesting.

Other people are friendly.

I trust everybody.

Everybody likes me. When someone doesn't like me, this has nothing to do with me personally. It's because in their eyes I represent something that they don't like.

I love everybody. When I don't like someone, it's because they trigger energies in me that I don't like. It has nothing to do with them personally.

Nobody can hurt me if I don't allow them to do so.

Other people are 100% responsible for their own feelings and actions. I am 0% responsible for other people's feelings and actions.

Trying to protect others from being hurt is highly disrespectful towards them.

Other people are perfectly fine as they are right now.

Beliefs about my Social Skills

My social skills are excellent.

I can talk to any stranger, attract any relationship, and make anybody feel comfortable with me in minutes.

I'm not afraid of anybody.

Beliefs about Relationships and Communication

Friends, lovers and all people in my life are just a reflection of the love and connection that is inside me. As long as I let love and connection flow into my life, I naturally manifest friends, lovers and people.

We are all one. We are all connected. Distance is not relevant, no matter what happens we stay connected. I cannot truly lose anybody.

If someone disappears from my life, lots of other people will show up instead, who will be more aligned with who I am.

I cannot be lonely, ever.

Relationships are easy.

Communicating with others is easy.

Love is easy. It just flows.

I don't take rejection personally. It says more about the other person's choices than about me. Other people's choices have nothing to do with me.

What others think about me is none of my business. I have more interesting things to think about anyway.

If a relationship is not aligned with my highest path and purpose, I leave. Living my purpose and creating the reality I want has a higher priority than any relationship.

Loving someone does not necessarily mean spending time with them. I can choose not to associate with someone if that is not in my highest good, not aligned with my goals, or not appropriate for any other reason, and still love them. Choosing who I spend my time with is not a love issue, it's a time-management issue. (More about this here.)

Beliefs about the World and Life in General

The world is a fantastic place!

Life is so exciting!

I am here to grow and learn. Everything is a growth experience, everything is a lesson. If I learn from them, I am open to any growth experiences, no matter how uncomfortable they may feel to me.

I look forward to seeing what I will create in my life!

Everything is exactly as it should be at this time. This does not mean that we cannot create something better. ;)

Love heals everything. Especially fear.

Create Your Own Mindset

Which ones of those beliefs do you resonate with, and which ones do you not resonate with? Can you think of more beliefs that make you feel good and would improve your social life?

You are free to choose your beliefs. Create your own, very personal, super-powerful mindset!

Sexy Language Mixing

Víkþórr and I have a fetish in common: we are language fetishists. Languages and grammar turn us on. Beyond that, we also have a lot of non-sexual fun communicating in different languages. We mix languages all the time, to express ourselves, to explain things, to fight, and to love each other.

We speak English most of the time, for laziness reasons. But we also use French, German, Norwegian and Japanese as well as some Spanish and Old Norse, and occasionally some other languages such as Esperanto, Russian, Latin or Icelandic.

We rarely speak the same language for a long time. Usually we switch languages during the course of a conversation or we throw some foreign words in. Different languages are more or less able to express certain things. What requires a clumsy, lengthy sentence in one language can be tackled with two words in another language. I usually prefer to go for the most efficient, elegant or accurate version. I like this kind of flexibility.

What I love most is when we mix all kinds of different languages in the same sentence. We don't do it on purpose, it just happens spontaneously. It's so much fun! So for example we once said:

Rose: I liebe norsk de plus en plus cada dag! ("I love Norwegian more and more each day!": en, de, no, fr, sp, no)
Víkþórr: It freut meg zu høyra. Aujourd'hui hadde ich very Lust en turka tomato. :/("I'm happy to hear. Today I very much felt like eating dried tomatoes.": en, de, no, de, no, fr, no, de, en, de, fr, no, en)
Rose: Je quería bringen deg some til Strasbourg.  Ek skal envoyer sie med the Post. :) ("I wanted to bring you some to Strasbourg. I'll send them via mail": fr, sp, de, no, en, no, fr, Old Norse, no, fr, de, no, en, de)

What is of course even more fun than to mix languages is to mix languages while talking about languages! Once, Víkþórr explained to me what "helder" means in Norwegian and I explained to him how to use "eher" in German, all of this while mixing Norwegian, Spanish, French, German and English.

Actually, we even mix languages inside of words. For example, we take one verb from one language and give it an ending from another language. Or we apply prefixes from one language to another one. The result may look like "I was schmusing with you" or "I'm still klembing you". ("schmusen" = "to cuddle" in German, "å klemba" = "to hug" in Norwegian)

We mix languages when we fight, too. He hates Bokmål, the Danish version of Norwegian (or rather the Norwegian version of Danish, depending on how you see it). When I want to annoy him, I just send him a hug... in Bokmål. Or I just throw some random Bokmål words at him. That's like insulting him. When he wants to annoy me, he says something romantic to me, in Italian. Italian is my big turn-off, I just can't stand it.

(05:53:22 PM) Víkþórr Veggiss Berurjóðr: Ciao, mi amore bella. ;) ("Bye, my love beautiful" - or something)
(05:53:31 PM) Rósíngr: >:|
(05:53:38 PM) Rósíngr: En klem fra meg. :þ ("A hug from me" in Bokmål)
(05:53:44 PM) Víkþórr Veggiss Berurjóðr: You started it. >:)
(05:53:50 PM) Rósíngr: Jaja! ("Jaja", literally "yesyes" in German, can be used as "Yeah, sure" but also as "Leck mich am Arsch" which means "Lick my ass". Not exactly a sexual proposition here.)
(05:54:04 PM) Víkþórr Veggiss Berurjóðr: Grazie di Vittorino. :þ (Some more infamous Italian)
(05:54:25 PM) Rósíngr: Grrrr.
(05:54:33 PM) Rósíngr: Sentralstasjon. ("central station" in Bokmål)

Throwing random words at each other is a lot of fun. Of course we do that in positive ways too. When we feel particularly romantic, we say each other's favorite words.

(10:45:06 PM) Rósíngr: Sucre. :) ("sugar" in French)
(10:45:18 PM) Víkþórr Veggiss Berurjóðr: :) Dyri. ("the animals" in Norwegian)
(10:45:22 PM) Rósíngr: Begeisterung! ("Enthusiasm" in German)

My favorite Norwegian words are "dyri" ("the animals"), "ikkje" ("not"), and "nei" ("no"). I love it when he says no to me! Provided it's in Norwegian.

I love mixing languages. What about you? How much do you mix languages in your daily life?

How To Defend Yourself Against Manipulators

Want to be able to defend yourself against manipulators? Here is what my experience has taught me about this topic.

Develop Awareness

To defend yourself against manipulators, you first need to recognize them as such. It can be very difficult to notice manipulation, as it is usually subtle. This is especially true for those who grew up in an abusive environment or surrounded by manipulative people. They're so used to it that they don't even realize this is not as it should be.

Here are some tips on recognizing manipulators.

At first, don't try to defend yourself yet. Just observe what they're telling you, verbally and non-verbally. Identify the subtext. Get clear about what's really going on, both inside of you and between you and the manipulator.

Once you have a clear awareness of the situation, you can act.

Gain Distance

Remember that manipulation is often unconscious and sometimes a way of coping with some problem, for example diverse fears. Even when it is conscious, it's just a choice that someone else makes. Other people's choices have nothing to do with you as a person.

I know that being manipulated is a pain in the ass, especially when they try to make you feel bad in order to control you - just remember that this is not really about you personally. Their goal is to get something, but it is not to harm you. You're collateral damage. So, don't take it personally.

Disengage

Manipulators are the kind of smelly orcs that can make your social life tedious and foul. If it's a spouse, family member, coworker, or any other person that you are not ready or willing to let go of, you'll have to learn how to deal with them. If you can avoid them, though, just say bye. In my experience this is way more efficient.

However, you cannot spend your time running away from manipulators. You need to work on your mindset anyway. If you attracted them once, chances are good that you have some holes in your armor. Those holes will attract more of them, no matter how far away you flee. So, avoid them - and invest the time and energy that you save by avoiding them in working on yourself.

Improve Mindset

The more you're powerful in your head, the more you become immune against manipulators. Your mindset is key.  I cannot stress enough how important that is. So, if you want to defend yourself against manipulators, absolutely work on that. Here are some tips on how to build a healthy anti-manipulation mindset.

Learn Techniques

Optionally, you can learn anti-manipulation techniques. If your mindset is strong, you won't really need them, but when you're just starting and still insecure, they can be very useful. Especially the translator method helped me a lot in the past. I highly recommend it.

Ideally, practice them first with a trusted friend, outside of real manipulative situations. Do some role playing, one playing the manipulator, the other one the technique user. Try out different techniques and different scenarios. Then switch roles. This way, when it really happens, you'll be prepared and have a knee-jerk reaction.

Talk Straight

Way more than techniques, what I recommend is to step completely out of the subtle manipulation game and to play with open cards. Be direct. Remember that manipulators always want something. So, when you spot one, ask them "What is it that you want?".

You can also ask them "How do you feel about this situation?". And, remembering that manipulators often use manipulation out of fear, you can ask "What is it that you are afraid of?".

You can see manipulators as enemies out to get you, abuse you and control you, and hit back. But this creates separation. You can also choose oneness and compassion. The manipulation itself is just their way of expressing themselves. Instead of getting hung up on it, you can go directly to the meat of the matter by asking them what exactly they want.

Give them an opportunity to express themselves openly in a safe environment. Often they simply have never learned that. Listen to them. You can also explain what exactly you want and try together to find a solution that makes both happy.

If they realize that their expressing their wishes directly is taken seriously, welcomed in a non-judgmental way and actually brings good results, it will be much easier for them to let go of manipulation as a way of getting what they want.

Take care to stay focused on finding a solution though. Listening doesn't mean playing psychotherapist or giving them lots of energy by listening and listening and listening! This would be too draining for you.

Keep Going

Take your time, observe, prepare yourself... but once you've started defending yourself, be consistent. Mixed messages teach others to continue with their abusive behavior. So, don't oscillate between standing your ground and falling back into victimizing yourself. That's not healthy. Whether you use anti-manipulation techniques or just talk straight with them, continue with it in a consistent way until they don't try to manipulate you anymore.

When you suddenly start defending yourself, at first they'll try harder than ever! So, be prepared for an increased fire. But at some point, sooner or later, they will realize that it just doesn't work this way anymore, and give up.

They will let go of their manipulative behaviors and learn other ways to communicate what they want, and the relationship will become a good bit healthier. If they're not able or willing to do that, the relationship will probably break.

Leave

In case really nothing helps, and no matter how open you are to straightforward and honest communication, no matter how consistently you block their manipulation, they just keep doing it... Or even respond by creating lots of drama... Leave.

I know this can be very difficult, but your first duty in this life is to take care of yourself.

Some people are just not able, ready, or willing to stop manipulating others. Some are just too blocked in their own personal development. It's not your job to compensate for that. In the long run, you're not doing them a favor by accepting their behavior.

There are also people who have an unconscious and compulsive need to create negativity in others in order to feed off it. These people will never stop with their abusive ways. Run.

Good luck! :-)

Will you Write a Novel next Month?

November is National Novel Writing Month! Who will join me and write a novel? :-)

The goal is to write one 50,000-word novel between November 1st and November 30th, midnight, no matter how crappy it is. I think this is fun! And it's less than 2,000 words a day. Should be doable.

Have you ever dreamed of writing a novel and never done it? Join me!

Do you love writing but think you don't do it good enough yet to write a novel? Join me!

Do you have no clue what you could write about but love the idea? Join me!!!

You can do it. :-) This is a wonderful opportunity to let go of expectations and just do it.

If you want to connect with me on the NaNoWriMo site, my login there is Schweinerei. This is German and means "mess", "rascality" or "swinishness". I like that word, it's so cute. :-)

I have no clue what I will write about. It will probably be a crime novel, with a very wicked murderer and a very smart detective. Or just a few of the fantasies I have in my head. Except for the sexual ones maybe. Or should I add them too?

I also haven't decided which language I'm going to write in. Víkþórr and I had the idea of writing a multilingual novel together, mixing all kinds of languages. For example,
And when Óláfr saw what ???? had done, he said: «Þú skalt deyja, því at þú hefir stolit vínbér frá mér!». ???? answered: ????????????.
I think that's a very cool idea, even though nobody else would understand it of course. However, my intuition is telling me to write alone this time. I haven't made up my mind about the language yet.

This language mixing thing certainly is interesting! We do that often. I feel like writing a blog post about it. (Edit: I did! It is here.)

So - will you write a novel next month? :-)

First Adjective Story

Víkþórr and I wrote our first common adjective story a couple months ago. We chose to write it in English, since English is the language that the sum of us masters best. ;-)

In case you don’t know what an adjective story is, the principle is simple: one person writes a story, but leaves all adjectives and adverbs blank. Another person, who doesn’t know the story, randomly chooses lots of adjectives and adverbs. Those get inserted in the first person’s story in the exact order they were submitted in by the second person. The result is... funny. :-)

Víkþórr wrote the story and I gave him the adjectives and adverbs. I love our first common creation! Here it is:



Once upon a time there were some enthusiastic goblins living playfully at a flat farm. Enormous goblins as they were, they would often help out without the sexy farmer or his sarcastic wife noticing them. They would only do so if they were given a rhythmic bowl of flying porridge on the Yule* evening of every year, however.
One year, the farmer’s hectic son and his rather sick family were there for Yule celebration, and the son’s delicate wife told her charming daughter to put the porridge secretly in the barn, but she tripped and fell deeply on the way there. Wise as she was, she didn’t want to tell her mother, so she forcefully brought the family’s horny dog and accidentally made him clean up the mess, then put the perfect bowl in the barn.
When the goblins found it, they were drooling. To avenge this, the invisible goblin pissed in the jumping milk tank, and the others ran unilaterally to the basement of the house and pulled out all the fake electrical devices, then rudely cut the power supply. They let loose the sheep and the cows, and exactly screwed the wheels off of the farmer’s undead car and his son’s purple one.
The humans had a fucking time gathering the angry herd, and the goblins mistakenly went into the the house to eat the humans’ porridge. When the humans strongly came back in, the brilliant daughter gently told them what had happened. From his smelly hole in the attic, the attic goblin heard what they said, and when the humans, still without electricity, went to bed, he skilfully sneaked out in the barn and told the annoying goblins there. They were so messy that they decided to fix everything and leave the farm madly. The generous farmer was gross when nobody ate the porridge he put in the barn the following years.
The goblins left for the holy, unimportant forest surrounding the farm. There, they planned to live with the wood goblins. Living in the woods wasn’t for them, though. They found it anxious, in fact. It was so puristic to have snow everywhere. They froze so much that they decided to ask the uptight wood goblin elder for advice. He told them to return to the farm before ending up enlightened. They were too strict, however, and even though the ice started growing from their delighted noses, they ventured into the tedious mountains to try their luck with the mountain and cave goblins, whom most goblins thought were crazy.
Although the caves suited them painfully, they felt giant there. Something lacked in their life. They did, after four years, admit that the wood goblin elder was conscious. They returned to the evil farm, but to their surprise, another goblin family had moved in. They were ferocious, and the goblins fought each other for the right to the farm. The colourful goblins won their lousy home back, and the distracted ones had to move. They were now lame, and intended to stay. All of them agreed that it had been a precise experience, and quickly went to sleep in their now funny barn.


*“Yule” is the English name of the ancient Germanic celebration that was replaced by Christmas to adapt the countries’ traditions to Christianity. Here it’s used in the sense of “Christmas without Christ”. Old Norse: “jól”. Modern Norwegian: “jol”.


Writing this story together with Víkþórr definitely was a precise experience! I’d like to repeat it. Not too often though, or else I could end up enlightened! :D

Anyone else willing to write adjective stories with me? Or with another reader? If some of you send me some stories and others some adjectives and adverbs, I'll publish the results for your delighted noses.

You Have Millions of Next-Door Neighbors

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. My grandmother asked me to find one of those old-fashioned, non-electric tea kettles for her, so I went on a shopping expedition today - which I only did because I love my mother and grandmother dearly, 'cause I hate shopping. When I came back, victorious, with an authentic old-fashioned, non-electric tea kettle in stainless steel under my arm, I met two enormous, ferocious looking dogs on the street.

I was happy to see them, I love dogs and they generally like me too. Those two came and greeted me in a very friendly way, and I went all "You're one cute doggie!!!". They had three humans with them, a female and two males. The female asked me if I'm not scared. I replied that no, I'm not scared of dogs. She said something about being new in the neighborhood and everybody being scared of the dogs, so I welcomed her in her new environment, and we talked for a few minutes about how she's just moving in on the fourth floor, that I live a few streets from there, that the neighborhood is very quiet and nice and where to take the dogs for a walk.

After a few minutes of nice conversation I wished everybody a nice day and left. The humans seemed a bit surprised about my friendliness. I don't understand that. I don't get why people are surprised when other people are friendly to them. Friendliness is default! Being friendly is like being happy: you need no specific reason for that.

This incident reminded me of another one that happened in summer. Víkþórr came to visit, and after we had been outside together a few times he once said to me: "You talk with everybody as if they were your next-door neighbors". This sentence still continues to stupefy me. Because, well... they are! Duh.

Even when someone lives a few streets away, or in another city, or in another country, they still are my next-door neighbors! Ever heard of quantum teleportation or psychic abilities? Distance isn't relevant. We are all connected, whether we are one meter or five thousand kilometers away from each other. Why would person A be more worthy of my friendliness than person B, just because A happens to live closer to me than B?

You have millions and millions of next-door neighbors. Isn't that wonderful? :-)